By: A Survivor Not a Victim
March 30, 2016
I am losing it. I just can’t take it anymore. I can’t handle it; the sleep deprivation, flashbacks, jumpiness, depression, being fearful every day that I am going to see him. It takes such a toll on me. I’m literally exhausted!
I’m obsessed, obsessed with trying to find a way to bring him to justice. It has completely consumed me.
I am becoming more jumpy each day. I can’t even count how many times someone came up to me at work today, and I jumped clean into the air. It’s embarrassing, frustrating, and fills me with anxiety. And when they ask why, I just awkwardly tell them that there is a reason, and thankfully, that ends the conversation.
I can’t live like this. I don’t feel strong like a survivor or like myself.
A Survivor Not a Victim 
When I look back on myself even a few years ago, let alone a decade ago, if someone had told me then what I’d be doing now, and how I’d feel about myself and life now (not all the time, but more often than not, which is amazing, i feel good) I’d have laughed in their face bitterly and angrily. But they’d have been right 🙂 But it’s a really horrible, frightening place to be in. It can help to talk it out with some of the free crisis/help lines as well. The process of talking just helps the brain process stuff that isn’t conscious always, and gives us a new perspective sometimes.
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