Since I was raped on February 14th this year (2016) I have been suffering from major anxiety, PTSD, suicidal thoughts and so much more. About two weeks ago, I passed my rapist on the street. I had a panic attack ( which I have never experienced in my life).
Since then, I have been even more anxious (which I didn’t even think was possible. …but it is ) and paranoid. I am afraid to leave my house. I don’t feel safe. When I leave to go to work, the whole (15 minute trip ) is a nightmare! All my muscles tense up, my heart pounds out of my chest, my stomach hurts. ..and I want to cry. I work on a locked floor, so in my office, I feel safe. But, I have to run errands daily. This has proven to be a struggle. The same feelings that I get on my way to work I feel, only times three! ! I walk around Boston now with my camera open in fear of seeing him again.
Some day’s I feel like I am going to pass on on the street.
Today, after work, I was on my way to counseling. I stopped at the T to have a clove. I am an empath. All of the sudden I felt like someone was staring at me so I looked around. It was this man…
You will notice that he is of Indian descent, like my rapist, carrying a conspicuous “suitcase “. I stared at him while he was on the phone. ..and watched him for about 15 minutes. He was DEFINITELY staring at me. I snapped a few pictures…the one on the phone (so if I ever end up dead. … fyi).
I have learned the hard way to trust my gut. In college, I was walking home from the T, I got a feeling that someone was following me. But since I lived close to the T, I told myself that I was worrying about nothing. He actually was following me, stopped me and prevented me from going into the gate of my house.
And that is not the only time I ignored my intuition.
I am in fear of my well being, my life, and I wish that the fucking sexual assault unit in Boston actually invistigated my rape.
I don’t know what to do.