It has been exactly 8 months since I was raped (actually 8 months yesterday because it is after midnight). I am  not doing much better at all, I am still having awful nightmares; the went a way for a couple of weeks, but not for long, migraines are in full swing (this one is 7 days long!) and I miss so much work because of them. I had stopped blogging because all I think about is rape, and I thought that taking a break might help – but it hasn’t.

I don’t want to live in this world anymore

What have any of you survivors who read my blog do/have done that help’s? I don’t know what to do. I need to change my life around, I miss being happy and full of joy, and I want it back. He took so much from me!

I came across this great read: http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/life-after-rape-5-keys-to-growth-and-healing-for-women-0217155

I immediately started crying because of this (in particular the bold)

I rarely meet a woman who has experienced rape and is comfortable using that word. In fact, in my experience most try to avoid it and instead use language such as “I had an incident,” “You could say that he touched me,” or “I had sex with him but didn’t really want to.”

That almost  what I said to my boyfriend via text the day I was raped, and because of that, the police did not take me seriously. I was in shock and horror and…who want’t to say or write that out loud to anyone, let alone themselves or a boyfriend! I said, “We had sex but I didn’t want to”. Not only that but I also described that I woke up and he was on top  of me inside me. But police and DA’s in this country take the word over a Rapist every time.

I have been searching for ways to overcome this, and I see the same things….forgive yourself, blame the rapist, talk to family and friends, exercise, volunteer, therapy….I am having a very hard time finding something that helps. At first, about a month after, I forced myself to go out and do things – be social. Now I don’t want to talk to anyone, I am starting to feel weird around my boyfriend, and  just really wish I could find some answers.I miss…..me….

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