I research the topic of rape every day of the week. I do this because I am looking for many things; answers, help, blog post ideas, etc.
One thing I have been researching a lot lately is how to cope with being raped. I still do not understand how anyone is capable of this (but I know that so many are stronger than me and have been successful at this). It is like I am looking for the secret.
Every article I read says the same things: Seek counseling, talk about it with trusted family and friends; know that it is not your fault; realize that the perpetrator should be the one who feels guilty not you…..etc…
I have been actively doing everything these articles say, reaching out, seeking help, but to no avail. Coping does not seem to be in the cards for me. I wake up every single night sweating from nightmares, except for one…ONE night recently. I have flashbacks, I am scared, jumpy, depressed, emotional. I will be ok one minute and the next minute I feel like I am about to cry and loose it because memories come flooding back at random times. How long does this go on for? I just want my life back! I was so happy, and now I don’t like who I am. I am exhausted, I hardly eat, sleep, I feel like I am barley surviving. And for once, it doesn’t seem to matter how much research I do, I cannot find an answer or solution.
A Survivor Not a Victim 
Thank you 🙂
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I am so sorry you had to go through such a horrible experience. I can’t imagine recovering from it, but the fact that you’re writing about it and named your blog “a survivor not a victim” shows how strong you are and how you’re perhaps unconsciously overcoming this nightmare. I hope you stay strong and that time heals your pain.
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