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A Survivor Not a Victim

Overcoming Rape

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Rape culture

When Is The Justice System Going To Finally Stand Up For Rape Victims?

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When is the justice system going to start speaking up for survivors? !?!

Yes, there are a lot of great rape cases with strong evidence where the victim is too afraid / traumatized or any other of a million other reasons why they don’t want to persue a criminal case. BUT. ..what about the MAJORITY of rape victims,  which the District attorney office constantly refuses to press charges for, despite the victim’s dire want for justice?  Those  (I am am one of them )…those victims /survivors are unfortunately the majority of society.

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When are the district attorney offices going to stand against the beliefs of rape culture and society,  and attempt to gain justice for rape victims?

How are rape laws supposed to change if DA’S don’t persue the “tough cases”. The more “tough cases” they try, eventually,  the more they will win.  This will perpetuate more case law regarding rape,  thus leading to more and more “tough case ” convictions  (eventually. ..obviously it is going to be a struggle and a slow process,  but it MUST start somewhere )

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The way it stands currently,  no one is looking out for victims.  And victim advocates have EXTREMELY limated resources,  connections,  and are honestly not taken seriously.  In my personal opinion,  agencies only deal with them to  “look like they are concerned ” when in reality,  they are not.

It is high time for a change in the justice systems and in the sexual assault units. …when….when are rape victims going to be taken seriously?

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RAPE: I Don’t Know How Much More Of This I Can Take

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I am feeling the end of my breaking point!  The DA won’t charge my rapist, he wasn’t even questioned,  nor was there even an an attempt made to get a statement from him.

 

During the restraining order extention hearings  (two of them ) his story changed,  mine has never changed .

I am not willing to give up yet,  but I don’t know how much more that I can take.  I have no doubt in my mind that he will rape again  (he probably has raped before ). I  don’t want to loose hope,  but he has already taken so much away from me,  I just don’t know know how much more of this I can bare.

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I Came Forward, I Want To Press Charges & The DA Won’t Do Anything

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I was raped by my former roommate on February 14th 2016. I filed a police report.  Within less than 48 hours I was told that the DA would not be moving forward with the case.

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In fact,  I met with the DA this past Tuesday,  and it was confirmed that there was not even an attempt made to get a statement from my rapist.

 

Two weeks ago,  a judge granted a two year restraining order extention against my rapist because  (judges words) “My story was credible”. In fact,  on record and under oath,  the story of my rapist changed”.

I am just outraged.  I have no doubt in my mind that this dirt bag will do this again to someone.  And…..and, he works for the Department of children and families in Massachusetts!  His first day was 2 day’s after he raped me,  so he passed the background check.  When I told this to the DA, he was not concerned.

I refuse to give up, because I KNOW that this rapist knew EXACTLY what he was doing,  and I have  NO doubt in my mind that he will do it again. IF I had even the slightest bit of doubt,  even just a hair…I would drop it. But I don’t.

He didn’t accept no for an answer,  so why should I.  I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure that he can’t do this to anyone else EVER AGAIN!

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I’m (We Are ALL) Living In Rape Culture; This Conversation Actually Happened Last Night

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Last night I was talking with a “friend” who I had previously confided about being raped. We were talking because I was upset, I am having such a hard time moving on. My life is a mess, I am not myself, and I feel ruined.

As we were talking she said, “How do you even know for sure that you were raped? How do you know that is the whole story? What he did was wrong, but how do you know for sure that it was rape? You said yourself that you were so drunk, and you woke up to him on top of you and in you. How do you know that you were’t black out? I don’t think if a person is drunk that it really can be rape”

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Are you FUCKING ME?!?!?! I told her that regardless, even though I completely disagree with her, I told him no that night, that “I was never going to sleep with him” What he did WAS rape. I did not give consent, in fact I already told him no earlier, and I was not in a position to give consent. She said that I was drunk, and that I should have never gotten in the bed with him in the fist place….I was completely shocked to be hearing  this…from her. He was in my bed, in my room. I didn’t know why, I as shitfaced, tired, and figured that since I knew I made it clear that I would never have sex, that I had nothing to worry about. I was wearing clothes…it isn’t like I went to bed naked!! I had no idea that he would do that to me. And I couldn’t believe what she was saying. We argued about this for an hour, and it just made me sick. She really thinks that if a person is drunk, they cannot be raped. 

I have been a mess all day. I already feel like shit, and cannot cope with what happened, then I hear this from a supposed “friend” who was “trying to help”. What she is doing is victim blaming, making excuses for rapists, and saying that it is ok to rape drunk people.

I was raped, I have not doubt about it. There is no other explanation, no excuse. It doesn’t matter if I was drunk, he raped me, period, end of story. If this is what a “friend” thinks of certain types of rape situations, then what does the majority of society think. This is a prime example of rape culture….and it needs to end!

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Being Raped Has Ruined My Life – I Live In A Constant State Of FEAR

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Being raped is on of the worst experiences that a person can live through.  The aftermath of rape is equally as terrible. As if being raped isn’t bad enough,  the trauma from that event, the memories,  the scars….they last forever.

It is bad enough that I am TERRIFIED to leave my house,  or work once I arrive there safely.  This is my everyday reality.images (2)

My roommate left a few days ago,  and he won’t be back till next week.  I am petrified.  To the point where I sleep with a kitchen knife under my pillow.

It is completely unfair. My rapist lives his live unaccountable for his actions, untouched, unharmed, hell, I would not even be surprised if he jerks off to that morning and what he did to me. And I, am cursed to continue to live with flashbacks, nightmares, fear, visions, the inability to concentrate, sleep and eat.

I live every day of my life in fear, to the point where on most day’s, at least once, I become so overwhelmed with fear that I start to shake uncontrollably, and most day’s this happens more than once.

Rape has ruined my life…

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Yes Rape Culture Exists; And If You Really Can’t See It, You Are Part Of The PROBLEM

This article gives great insight and examples to rape culture today.  I have copied and pasted it for your convenience.  Source below :

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/womens-blog/2014/feb/14/rape-culture-damage-it-does-everyday-sexism

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This is rape culture – and look at the damage it does

We live in a world where sexual assault can be dismissed with jokes or excuses, even used in a chatup line or plastered across a T-shirt. The UK rape statistics are shocking, and so are these harrowing reports to the Everyday Sexism Project

Laura Bates

Friday 14 February 2014 07.42 EST

What do we mean when we say “rape culture”? You may have heard the term used recently. It describes a culture in which rape and sexual assault are common (in the UK over 85,000 women are raped and 400,000 sexually assaulted every single year). It describes a culture in which dominant social norms belittledismissjoke about or even seem to condone rape and sexual assault. It describes a culture in which the normalisation of rape and sexual assault are so great that often victims are blamed, either implicitly or explicitly, when these crimes are committed against them. A culture in which other factors such as media objectification make it easier to see women as dehumanised objects for male sexual purposes alone.

It’s part of rape culture when “I’m feeling rapey” T-shirts are put up for sale on eBay. Or when a member of a University sports team goes out in a “casual rape” shirt, or another team plays a game called: “It’s not rape if …”

It’s part of rape culture when a child victim of sexual abuse is accused of being complicit and somehow “egging” on her abuser in the court case against him. It’s rape culture that makes it so hard for male victims to speak out too, because hand-in-hand with the dismissal of rape as a hilarious joke goes the stigmatisation of male rape victims as effeminate, impotent or non-existent.

Sometimes it’s hard to recognise or understand rape culture without hearing real-life examples of how it impacts on everyday lives, starting from an incredibly young age:


 Jill Nicholls @JillNicholls01

@EverydaySexism #followed home from primary school by gang of boys saying they’d rape me – didn’t know what it meant but was scared – ran

9:23 AM – 2 Mar 2013


Tasha Berg @TashaHugs

@EverydaySexism Overheard young boy on bus saying – “I’ll rape your mum so bad she can’t walk”. Sickening!

12:34 PM – 11 Feb 2014


It means that the discussion and threat of rape becomes an acceptable part of public discourse:


Rini Sardesai @ProjectReinette

@EverydaySexism Can’t go out for walks around my house bc routinely harassed, called names, and told that I need to be raped. Lovely stuff.

6:12 AM – 8 Aug 2013


Anna @Lethal_Brows

@EverydaySexism My coworker was walking me to my car after my closing shift, I thanked him and he laughed & said he could rape me right now.

10:51 AM – 23 Oct 2013


And the idea of rape becomes fair game for public jokes:


Angela Barnes @AngelaBarnes

Genuine chat up scene unfolding on this train: Boy: do you have a rape alarm?
Girl: yes
Boy: shame
I despair for humanity. @EverydaySexism

6:14 PM – 1 Feb 2014

 


Rape culture suggests that men have a ‘right’ to women’s bodies, thus undermining the concept of consent:


EmINy @Despairbunny

@EverydaySexism Guy I used to go out with decides he wants to restart stuff between us. When I decline he threatens to rape me #ShoutingBack

2:36 PM – 8 Jan 2013


This leads to common misconceptions about women “asking for it” or “wanting it”, even if they explicitly say otherwise:


Chocoholic Girl @chazzyb31

@EverydaySexism At a party with bf, met his friend & pregnant gf. Friend follows me into toilets & says he’s going to rape me bcs I want it.


3:09 PM – 2 Sep 2013— ♀Tw¡nk Sl¡thersby♀ (@Twinklecrepe)October 23, 2013

@EverydaySexism I was raped by a coworker. I told my boss about it; she said it wasn’t rape and implied I actually wanted it


This leads to public speculation about whether victims’ dress or behaviour could be to blame for their own assaults:


— elin who (@therosetylah)F

ebruary 11, 2014

@EverydaySexism two girls in my class were talking about how you’d only have yourself to blame for getting raped if you wore a short skirt


— Catherine (@Scathach_81)February 2, 2014

@EverydaySexism A former magistrate blames short skirts for rape on #bbctbqWelcome to 21st century Britain. #VictimBlaming


— Wolf Mommy (@Wolf_Mommy)July 30, 2013

When a man told me breastfeeding my baby in public is going to get me raped.@EverydaySexism


This shifts all the focus onto victims, while perpetrators are not addressed at all:


— The Family Buisness (@Sarah_Watsons)June 16, 2013

@EverydaySexism ever since I was little my mum told me how to not get raped but I have never heard her once tell my 2 brothers not to rape.


Rape culture can permeate every area of a woman’s life, from the pavement:


— Katie McArthur (@grrumblecakes)March 6, 2013

And FURIOUS that there are people alive who think threatening to rape me on my way to work is a funny joke #everydaysexism


To the workplace:


— AM (@adorrissey)June 17, 2013

@EverydaySexism upon hearing I was 19 and a virgin, my coworker suggested I “needed to get raped.”


From the classroom:


— Ellen Steenkamp (@EllenSteenkamp)April 18, 2013

@EverydaySexism At age 11 classmate on schooltrip stated that ‘no-one would rape me anyway cuz I’m too ugly’. Others only laughed at that


To our own homes and families:


— honey-senpai (@kawaiifriend)June 15, 2013

@EverydaySexism bought an open back t shirt for a concert a month ago; my father told me the shirt screamed “rape me”


As the word starts to lose its meaning, it becomes harder and harder to object to rape culture:— Charlie Price (@charliecat82)March 27, 2013

@EverydaySexism #LadCulture being told by an ex-boyfriend that he’d like to rape me and then he didn’t get why I was angry.


Worst of all, the widespread and normalised nature of rape culture makes it increasingly hard for victims to speak out, as they learn to believe they won’t be taken seriously, or are dismissed when they do:


— Amanda Tall (@AmandaLDTall)June 15, 2013

On a nearly empty metro 4 men shouted they wanted to rape me. Scary but we’re not meant to make a fuss so didn’t tell anyone @EverydaySexism


— Lorg Mo Chearta (@BriMonroeCarter)December 13, 2012

@EverydaySexism I was 15 & my rape happened at a party. Never reported it because I knew I would get blamed&no would believe me. #RapeIsRape


— Chitra Nagarajan (@chitranagarajan)March 13, 2012

#ididnotreport because I thought I was overreacting – when being followed by groups of men and threatened with rape


— Vidyut (@Vidyut)June 18, 2013

the usual. RT @THELOUDERMOUTH@EverydaySexism When I told friends I was raped, they said I ‘should have been more careful.’ #shoutingback


The cycle is perpetuated as victims are silenced and blamed, the crime normalised, and perpetrators completely ignored.

This is rape culture.

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Rape

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rape1

noun

1.

unlawful sexual intercourse or any other sexual penetration of the vagina, anus, or mouth of another person, with or without force, by a sex organ, other body part, or foreign object, without the consent of the victim.

This is the definition of RAPE

“with or without force”
“without consent of the victim”
So…then why is our justice system so unresponsive and unwilling to prosecute perpetrators of this heinous crime?!?!
Worldwide – THIS IS A HUGE PROBLEM!
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Stop Saying that Nobody Supports Rape; There Are Lot’s of People Who Do

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I came across this great article by Angus Johnson, click here. For more about him, check out AngusJohnston.com.

His Post: https://studentactivism.net/2015/06/02/stop-saying-that-nobody-supports-rape-lots-of-people-support-rape/

I think this was a great read! I have spoken/debated with people who have come right out and said to me, “Well there is no one out there who actually supports rape”. With all the research that I have done, and continue to do, I know that there are lot’s of people who do support rape, and it makes me sick. It made me feel really good to come across this article and see what I have already read about, so see someone who has also done the research and knows that this is in fact true. And, I really hate to say it, but I love the fact that the author is a man, because I think it just speak volumes! (Since my conversations on this topic have been with men, and them saying that no one supports rape) 

Some great highlights from Angus’s post:

For starters, of course, there’s the fact that rapists exist in society, most of them unpunished. They’re not against rape.

 

Take Dr. Ruth Westheimer, the sex-advice icon. Just moments ago she tweetedthat she’s “100% against rape.” Why did she feel the need to say that? Because in an interview yesterday she criticized campuses for saying that after two people are in bed together naked, a woman can still say “I changed my mind.”

 

This wasn’t a slip of the tongue. That’s a direct quote, and she followed it by saying that “no such thing is possible … I don’t agree with that.” She even went back and said it again later in the show.

 

No means no. Period. It’s not complicated.

 

Please check out his blog and his entire post, the link is at the top of this post.

 

Oh yes, and for all of those who do not know, there are the “Return of the Kings” an international group that condones rape and wants to make it legal. It is headed by Roosh V, he has followers and paid subscribers in many countries, they even do protests.

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Adrienne Truscott; Her Comedy Act Jokes About Rape – But Not In The Way You Might Think

A must see

How I Feel After Being Raped; The ABC’s

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Awful

Broken

Choked 

Damaged

Emotional 

Fearful 

Guilty 

Hurt

Insignificant 

Jittery 

Kaput

Lost

Mutilated 

Nervous 

Overwhelmed 

Paralyzed 

Queasy

Restless 

Suicidal

Tired 

Undefinable

Violated 

Weak

X – is his name ie THE RAPIST 

Yucky

Zero

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It’s No Surprise That Rape Laws Are In The State They Are In When Law Makers & Police Think Like These Idiots!

Full Article

https://mic.com/articles/138587/full-frontal-with-samantha-bee-tackles-untested-rape-kits-and-local-politics?utm_source=policymicTBLR&utm_medium=main&utm_campaign=social#.yt6iJ891n

I almost did not watch this video because anytime I read or watch something from a feminist point of view, there is a chance that it is from the “radical feminists” and in my opinion, they do more harm than good. To me a true feminist is not at “man hater” and looks out for “equality of all people as a whole”; I consider myself this type if feminist.

This was a shocking video (she even pokes fun of radical feminists)

I highly suggest watching the appalling issues that are being brought up to the public’s attention regarding rape, lawmakers and police.

 

At one point in the video, Idaho Sheriff Craig Rowland says that they find out that most cases are just 17yr old girls who get scared and that the police should be able to pick the rape cases that they investigate.

My favorite (one of the few, but this is my #1 of the video) is that Bee says,”

“Listen, you giant pink hamster-fetus of a man … you can believe women are lying whores all you want off the clock, but when you’re the sheriff, you have to listen to rape victims,” she said. “Otherwise, when the women in your county rise up and strangle you with your own stupid monogrammed shirt, it’s going to be assisted suicide, because you’re definitely asking for it.”

Because it it true, rape is serious, most rapists are not high school boys, and his prior comment (Rowland) he states, ” after interviewing alleged rape victims, police often find it wasn’t actually rape — rather, “things went too far, and someone got scared“”….as Bee said….“Things went too far, and someone got scared? That’s what rape is!”

Domestic Violence Starts At An Early Age

Full Article

https://m.mic.com/articles/145828/one-australian-ad-nails-when-domestic-abuse-starts-and-it-s-way-earlier-than-you-d-think?utm_source=policymicFB&utm_medium=main&utm_campaign=social#.HUOaGdzjc

This is a great follow up to my recent post “Accidentally Teaching Our Children About Rape Culture “

It is an Australian advertisement about domestic violence against women,  but I think that it can be applied to domestic violence for all types of relationships.

 

Brock Turner The Rapist Will Only Serve Three Months In Jail

Full Article:

http://time.com/4363538/brock-turner-stanford-sexual-assault-swimmer/

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This is a freaking outrage!!! As if the slimy judge who already let this rapist off with a slap on the wrist with 6 months jail time…It has not been confirmed that Brock Turner the Rapist is due to be released from jail on September 2nd….yes, that is three months from the day he was sent there!!!!

When I first read this I could not even believe it! This whole entire situation is just disgusting!  And now it has got even worse!! What in the hell kind of society do we live it?!

Not to mention…talk about white privilege….So, if you are a white male with money you can pretty much get out of anything! This world just get’s sicker and sicker every day!

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If you are not familiar, his accuser recanted her claims, after Banks had already served 5 years in prison….I can only imaging how hard this case would have been to prove, especially compered to Brock Turner the Rapist’s case which was open and shit with witness and their involvement.

I hate the people who falsely accuse others of rape, because it is so hard for rape victims to get justice (look at the Brock Turner Rapist case, open and shut and still no justice). But the fact of the matter is that false reports of rape equal the exact same (percentage wise) as all other crime false reporting (murder, larson, robbery…). It really sucks when an innocent person accused of Rape goes to jail, because so many actual rapist don’t even make it to court, let alone are they convicted.

But in the case of Brock Turner the Rapist, I would be anything that if wasn’t white…he would have been put away for a long time.

Accidentally Teaching Our Children About Rape Culture

Full Article

http://www.babble.com/parenting/ways-we-accidentally-teach-our-kids-rape-culture/

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I came across this great article today by way of Facebook called  “6 WAYS WE (ACCIDENTALLY) TEACH OUR KIDS RAPE CULTURE” [full article link is at the top of this post). It talks about six ways parents unknowingly and unintentionally teach about and validate Rape Culture. The article defines the six ways, and offers suggestions on what a parent can do/say differently to not teach their children Rape Culture.

This is a great article, and it makes a lot of sense. It shows that we are forming the minds of children to accept rape culture, victim blaming, being afraid to say no, and slut shaming. Children are like sponges, and they are very smart. What the underlying meanings of what they are taught build the core of their own belief systems, way of thinking and actions that they take as they grow into teenagers and adults.

Number one is:

“Telling our kids that- “boys will be boys.””

Now, just like it is stated in the article,  when most people say “boys will
be boys” they do not mean any harm by it.

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“But every time they hear us excuse their

bad behavior as part of boy life,they learn

that they are not only above the rules, but

also that boys cannot control their impulses.”

 

If boys are constantly being told this from such a young age, how can anyone realistically expect that it will not have an effect on them as they grow into teens, young adults and full grown men?

“As parents, we cannot be shocked that boys feel entitled to sexually harass others (whether it’s standard rape, like in Steubenville, or as part of the all-too-common tradition of sexual “hazing”) when we’ve been telling them their whole lives that they are above the rules, by virtue of being boys.”

I grew upimages (10) with two younger brothers, do you know how many times I heard both of my parents say those
exact same words? Now my brothers do not contribute to rape culture (or at least I have never observed them doing so). Also as a child, a lot of my friends had brothers too. I heard their parents say the exact same thing…same goes for aunts and uncles. This message needs to stop being taught to boys and girls. Boys and men are perfectly capable of controlling their impulses. It is a parents job to teach children of both genders impulse control, gender has nothing to do with it, being a child is when you learn impulse control. This whole “boys will be boys” sounds very innocent, but not only does it do what has already been explained, it also creates the common “excuse” that rapists use…”It’s not my fault”

Number two is:

“Forcing kids to hug and kiss others.”

This on is so very dangerous on so many levels. It teaches children that it is ok to have their boundaries violated. That if they say no, it is ok for someone to force them to do it anyway – thus the word “No” is not meaning or taken as a “No”. That it is ok for someone to force someone else to do something that they do not want to do. It teaches that they are not in charge of their body, and what they say about their body does not go. Also, it forces them into doing something that they do not want to do and that their family is ok with it.images

“Lots  of well-meaning, loving parents tell their kids to give a friend or relative a hug without considering whether their kid really wants to. This sends the dangerous message that consent can be over-ridden, or doesn’t matter at all.”

 

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Take my  nephew for example. He is a sweet affectionate 5yr old. He loves to give Auntie (me) hugs. B
ut sometimes when I see him, I open my arms wide to receive a hug, and he shakes his head no. What do I do? Nothing. Some day’s I don’t feel like giving a person that I know a hug, I am just not feeling it. What makes it any different when a child says no to a hug from a family member? Children are living breathing humans with feelings. Sometimes…they just are not in the modownload (5)od, end of story. There is nothing wrong with that.So when a child does not want to give auntie hug, or grandma a kiss….so what. Children need to learn that it is ok to say no, that no actually means no, and that no one can just go forcing themselves to give them an unwanted hug or kiss. And people wonder why we live in a society filled with rape culture. When I say this, I am not by any means blaming parents for doing this. [I myself have been wondering how we as a society have gotten here, and after reading this article it really makes more sense to me] By making children do things like hug or kiss a relative, when they get older they may not see an issue with the following things such as:

  • Accepting that no means no
  • That it is ok to force people to do things they do not want to
  • That boundaries are overrated
  • That consent does not matter
  • That there is nothing wrong with any or all of the above

Number three is:

“Asking, “What did you do to make him hit you?””

This one, right here teaches everyone the concept of victim blaming. I don’t think that I have never heard a parent not say this to a child, especially one who has multiple children. Teachers….teachers also say this one a lot! Let’s say that the kids are at recess. Let’s say that Bobby punches Ricky in the face and gives him a black eye. Ricky runs up to the teacher and say’s “Bobby hit me”. (Now I actually remember hearing this on the playground as a child) Teachers first words, “Well Ricky, what did you do to make Bobby hit you?” BAM right there, victim blaming 101 with elementary school children. Of course if you have siblings, it can start much much younger than that.

“Asking, “What did you do to make him hit you?” teaches both the victim and the aggressor that a person can force someone else to make a bad choice. This message is all too common in our“What were you wearing the night you were raped?” society.”

On top of what the articles says, the teacher student scenario that I described (and just asking the question what did you do…”teaches bully and victim that victims are questioned, felt to be made that they are not believed, upon accusation made to have substantial proof (other than the black eye of course), and the bully is not recognized as the issue right now, it is the victim with the black eye who is “telling on the bully” Oh, that is another good point…usually children on the playground do not like tattle tales, no matter what the reason, thus translating into “keep your mouth shut” Teachers (understandably and parents too) get frustrated with children constantimages (14)ly coming up to them saying that (he did this, she did that, and they did this…) so often times teachers and parents will say no one likes a tattle tale. This of course is more geared to the every day minor things children do to each other that they all find dramatic. However, instilling that message in their head, I believe, plays part of the role in the silence of victims.

Number four:

“Teaching kids that boys hit girls because they like them.”

“It doesn’t matter whether your child is a girl or a boy, it’s important they learn early on that hitting or hurting someone to get their attention is never okay. And it is absolutely not a way to show somebody that you like them.”

This entire statement and concept reinforces domestic violence. Ir is never…EVER ok to do this to someone.

Number five is:

“Slut-shaming any girl or woman in front of kids.”

Children are like images (13)little sponges, and they see and hear everything! They listen when you are having an “adult conversation” with someone else, even when you think that they are not. And since they do not know what is going on, they make their own assumptions. Since authority figures to them are the ones who are in charge, they take what they hear as truth, whether or not what was said is indeed true or not.

“If our kids hear us excusing rape or sexual assault in any way, they will internalize that message. They will also hear you degrading women for their sexuality or clothing, and they will remember that.

They may start to believe that there are circumstances in which they deserve to be raped or assaulted, or believe that they are entitled to commit (or even just excuse) rape or sexual assault if the victim seemed to “deserve it.” Whether that’s because a woman made a “slutty” choice or because a male victim “seemed gay,” it is wrong. Every time.”

Number six is:

Reinforcing the idea that girls should be “pure.”

This one is equally damaging for both genders.

“A lot of girls today are taught that their value lies in their “purity” (meaning virginity or modesty) in a time when that doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. Girls are expected to remain virgins until marriage, despite the fact that 95 percent of Americans have sex before marriage. Even evangelical Christians have premarital sex at a rate of 80 percent, despite all the propaganda insisting women remain “pure” for marriage.”

Seriously, first of all, look at the day in age we live in…this is just not realistic. Meanwhimages (29)ile, boys/men are looked at as “experienced” when they have sex before marriage, and are seen by there peers as “the man” when the have sex in high school college. Talk about a double standard?! Not to mention, we are all humans, we all have desires. This whole “no sex before marriage thing started when people were marring at the age on 16 or younger….that is not how it works today!

There are other issues with this too;

“For other kids, teaching that sex is only okay in marriage, or even only when you’re in love, can cause them to make less-than-healthy choices. Marnie Goldenberg, a health consultant and sexual health educator, says that for teens, trying to connect sex with love can actually become a trap. Girls are taught that being in love will always keep you sexually safe, which simply isn’t always true.”

This right here in my opinion makes people “lie” about being “in love” just to get some “action” and it does not matter what the gender is, it works both ways.

“The idea that marriage, or even being in love, are prerequisites for ethical sex also casts girls who aren’t “pure” as not as deserving of society’s protec
tion against abuse and rape.”

This is images (28)a powerful statement that I think is true. We see every day women and men “slut shaming” women because they have sexual desires even though they are not in love. This
can lead to certain men not valuing a woman who has made the choice to have sex because she want’s to, thus feeling entitled to “do what he want’s to her”. I think in a way that it leads to victim blaming as well. One could gather that if the female was “pure” then she would never have brought something like this upon herself.

While researching rape, I see “slut shaming” all over the place. And it isn’t even just women who decide to have sex with a partner of their choosing, is has to do with what she is wearing, how she is acting, and if she is drinking. How this relates is that “A pure woman would not do that”. Being a “pure woman” has to do with your soul, not if you decide to have sex with someone before marriage.

The fact of the matter is, that what we teach our children when they are young, whether we mean to or not, has a huge impact on their morals, judgment, self awareness, and their view of others as they develop into adults. To be honest, after reading this article, I would be so afraid to be a parent, as I already unsure that I want kids. It is such a huge responsibility, and I think that sometimes we forget how big it really is, and how everything we say and do has a major impact in shaping the people they become.

 

images (30)

 

Brock Turner Rapist. .. Blaming College “Party Culture”

Full article

http://abcnews.go.com/US/stanford-student-brock-turner-blames-party-culture-sexual/story?id=39702144

petition-targets-judge-in-stanford-rape-case

Brock Turner,  typical rapist as displayed in this article.  He blames peer pressure to drink and party culture for making a “bad decision “.

Brock Turner  the rapist – “My poor decision-making and excessive drinking hurt someone that night, and I wish I could just take it all back”

Rapists never admit blame, it is always something or someone else.

It makes me laugh but also furious how he says that he made a “bad decision ” due to drinking.  No…no,no,no!!!! A bad decision would be drinking too much and puking all over your friends apartment,  or getting into a ridiculous argument with a good friend where you said some awful things that you didn’t mean, or  partying so hard that you miss a midterm /final. Those are bad decisions.  Raping an unconscious person behind a dumpster  (mind you,  there were two actual physical eyewitnesses who caught this creep in the act) does not qualify as a “bad decision “.

Here is where we see Brock Turner the rapist trying to plea with anyone who will listen that he is the victim here. That is the bottom line.

Brock Turner the rapist – “I want to take what I can from who I was before this situation happened and use it to the best of my abilities moving forward. I know I can show people who were like me the dangers of assuming what college life can be like without thinking about the consequences one would potentially have to make if one were to make the same decisions that I made”

Oh, and check out this gem that I found posted by Brock the rapist himself….

brockturnerrapist

I encourage you to read the full article,  it is just. …I don’t even have words!

Brock Turner the rapist – “There isn’t a second that has gone by where I haven’t regretted the course of events I took on January 17th/18th. My shell and core of who I am as a person is forever broken from this. I am a changed person. At this point in my life, I never want to have a drop of alcohol again. I never want to attend a social gathering that involves alcohol or any situation where people make decisions based on the substances they have consumed. I never want to experience being in a position where it will have a negative impact on my life or someone else’s ever again”

And the young woman addressed this in her letter to him;

Victim – “If you are hoping that one of my organs will implode from anger and I will die, I’m almost there. You are very close,” her letter reads in part. “This is not a story of another drunk college hook-up with poor decision-making. Assault is not an accident. Somehow, you still don’t get it. Somehow, you still sound confused”

Changes need to be made, Brock Turner is not a “nice guy” he is a rapist…period, the reinforcement of rape culture needs to end!

10waysnottorape

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