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A Survivor Not a Victim

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No means no

When Is The Justice System Going To Finally Stand Up For Rape Victims?

SystemFailsSurvivors

When is the justice system going to start speaking up for survivors? !?!

Yes, there are a lot of great rape cases with strong evidence where the victim is too afraid / traumatized or any other of a million other reasons why they don’t want to persue a criminal case. BUT. ..what about the MAJORITY of rape victims,  which the District attorney office constantly refuses to press charges for, despite the victim’s dire want for justice?  Those  (I am am one of them )…those victims /survivors are unfortunately the majority of society.

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When are the district attorney offices going to stand against the beliefs of rape culture and society,  and attempt to gain justice for rape victims?

How are rape laws supposed to change if DA’S don’t persue the “tough cases”. The more “tough cases” they try, eventually,  the more they will win.  This will perpetuate more case law regarding rape,  thus leading to more and more “tough case ” convictions  (eventually. ..obviously it is going to be a struggle and a slow process,  but it MUST start somewhere )

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The way it stands currently,  no one is looking out for victims.  And victim advocates have EXTREMELY limated resources,  connections,  and are honestly not taken seriously.  In my personal opinion,  agencies only deal with them to  “look like they are concerned ” when in reality,  they are not.

It is high time for a change in the justice systems and in the sexual assault units. …when….when are rape victims going to be taken seriously?

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RAPE: I Don’t Know How Much More Of This I Can Take

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I am feeling the end of my breaking point!  The DA won’t charge my rapist, he wasn’t even questioned,  nor was there even an an attempt made to get a statement from him.

 

During the restraining order extention hearings  (two of them ) his story changed,  mine has never changed .

I am not willing to give up yet,  but I don’t know how much more that I can take.  I have no doubt in my mind that he will rape again  (he probably has raped before ). I  don’t want to loose hope,  but he has already taken so much away from me,  I just don’t know know how much more of this I can bare.

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I Came Forward, I Want To Press Charges & The DA Won’t Do Anything

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I was raped by my former roommate on February 14th 2016. I filed a police report.  Within less than 48 hours I was told that the DA would not be moving forward with the case.

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In fact,  I met with the DA this past Tuesday,  and it was confirmed that there was not even an attempt made to get a statement from my rapist.

 

Two weeks ago,  a judge granted a two year restraining order extention against my rapist because  (judges words) “My story was credible”. In fact,  on record and under oath,  the story of my rapist changed”.

I am just outraged.  I have no doubt in my mind that this dirt bag will do this again to someone.  And…..and, he works for the Department of children and families in Massachusetts!  His first day was 2 day’s after he raped me,  so he passed the background check.  When I told this to the DA, he was not concerned.

I refuse to give up, because I KNOW that this rapist knew EXACTLY what he was doing,  and I have  NO doubt in my mind that he will do it again. IF I had even the slightest bit of doubt,  even just a hair…I would drop it. But I don’t.

He didn’t accept no for an answer,  so why should I.  I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure that he can’t do this to anyone else EVER AGAIN!

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Being Raped Has Ruined My Life – I Live In A Constant State Of FEAR

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Being raped is on of the worst experiences that a person can live through.  The aftermath of rape is equally as terrible. As if being raped isn’t bad enough,  the trauma from that event, the memories,  the scars….they last forever.

It is bad enough that I am TERRIFIED to leave my house,  or work once I arrive there safely.  This is my everyday reality.images (2)

My roommate left a few days ago,  and he won’t be back till next week.  I am petrified.  To the point where I sleep with a kitchen knife under my pillow.

It is completely unfair. My rapist lives his live unaccountable for his actions, untouched, unharmed, hell, I would not even be surprised if he jerks off to that morning and what he did to me. And I, am cursed to continue to live with flashbacks, nightmares, fear, visions, the inability to concentrate, sleep and eat.

I live every day of my life in fear, to the point where on most day’s, at least once, I become so overwhelmed with fear that I start to shake uncontrollably, and most day’s this happens more than once.

Rape has ruined my life…

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Rape

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rape1

noun

1.

unlawful sexual intercourse or any other sexual penetration of the vagina, anus, or mouth of another person, with or without force, by a sex organ, other body part, or foreign object, without the consent of the victim.

This is the definition of RAPE

“with or without force”
“without consent of the victim”
So…then why is our justice system so unresponsive and unwilling to prosecute perpetrators of this heinous crime?!?!
Worldwide – THIS IS A HUGE PROBLEM!
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Stop Saying that Nobody Supports Rape; There Are Lot’s of People Who Do

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I came across this great article by Angus Johnson, click here. For more about him, check out AngusJohnston.com.

His Post: https://studentactivism.net/2015/06/02/stop-saying-that-nobody-supports-rape-lots-of-people-support-rape/

I think this was a great read! I have spoken/debated with people who have come right out and said to me, “Well there is no one out there who actually supports rape”. With all the research that I have done, and continue to do, I know that there are lot’s of people who do support rape, and it makes me sick. It made me feel really good to come across this article and see what I have already read about, so see someone who has also done the research and knows that this is in fact true. And, I really hate to say it, but I love the fact that the author is a man, because I think it just speak volumes! (Since my conversations on this topic have been with men, and them saying that no one supports rape) 

Some great highlights from Angus’s post:

For starters, of course, there’s the fact that rapists exist in society, most of them unpunished. They’re not against rape.

 

Take Dr. Ruth Westheimer, the sex-advice icon. Just moments ago she tweetedthat she’s “100% against rape.” Why did she feel the need to say that? Because in an interview yesterday she criticized campuses for saying that after two people are in bed together naked, a woman can still say “I changed my mind.”

 

This wasn’t a slip of the tongue. That’s a direct quote, and she followed it by saying that “no such thing is possible … I don’t agree with that.” She even went back and said it again later in the show.

 

No means no. Period. It’s not complicated.

 

Please check out his blog and his entire post, the link is at the top of this post.

 

Oh yes, and for all of those who do not know, there are the “Return of the Kings” an international group that condones rape and wants to make it legal. It is headed by Roosh V, he has followers and paid subscribers in many countries, they even do protests.

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How I Feel After Being Raped; The ABC’s

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Awful

Broken

Choked 

Damaged

Emotional 

Fearful 

Guilty 

Hurt

Insignificant 

Jittery 

Kaput

Lost

Mutilated 

Nervous 

Overwhelmed 

Paralyzed 

Queasy

Restless 

Suicidal

Tired 

Undefinable

Violated 

Weak

X – is his name ie THE RAPIST 

Yucky

Zero

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Let’s talkk about consent……

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People are taught that consent is a “yes”. But clearly there is a lot of confusion about this topic.  I was initially going to make this more of a facetious post geared towards the individuals who disregard boundaries ,  but number one, that is not who my audience is, and number two,  the intent of my blog is to be helpful. ..so I ditched that part of my idea.

Still, people act as if consent is grey when it is really black and white.  I  will use me for an example.  I  know that I didn’t give consent.  I verbally told him no and that it was never going to happen.  He raped me when I was passed out and I woke up to it. However,  that day and the next,  being raped really messes with your mind and makes you question everything.  Not only did I not want to believe that I was raped,  I never thought that it would happen to me. Knowing that I didn’t give consent wasn’t enough,  it was like I need proof of some sort for my mind.

So I came up with an idea to post what consent is not. So if sex occurs from any of the below,  there is no need to doubt or second guess, it is rape.

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Anti Rape Condom Developed In 2007 Still Not For Sale

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I have heard about this product before. Here is an article about it from 2010….mind you  that the product was developed in 2007

http://www.neatorama.com/2010/01/13/anti-rape-condom-can-help-protect-victims/

Honestly. …WTF? Any hesitation about releasing this product is clearly in line with protecting rapists and the extremely small percentage of men who are falsely accused. And to be honest,  I am almost 33 years old. Almost every man I have dated has or has attempted to pressure me into having sex! (It just depends on the age I was  as to what I tolerated at the time)

2007….2007 is when this was developed by a South African Dr.Now, I am by no means an extreme feminist, but honestly, it is now 2016! Look at the the gender of who runs the majority of world politics….men! And the sad thing is…SO MANY MEN GET RAPED TOO! They could benefit from this device based on all the articles that I have read.

In my opinion I think that most of the people in political power extort sexual favors from people. I think that they have something over them and they give thimages (6)em no option (like blackmail) but to exchange sexual favors. Is that rape? I cannot comment on that because I have not been in that position, but I think that it makes a lot of political
figures and everyday people nervous that if they pressure someone who really doesn’t want sex…”What if they are wearing Rapex?” This is why I think that this product has not been released to the public…men are scared that they will not be able to take advantage of women and vulnerable men anymore.

I know that the other argument is that what if a woman (or man) is trying to “trap” a man. But honestly , that percentage is so few and far between. This is because all those STUPID BITCHES!! Yes, I said it, all you stupid bitches who say no when you mean yes…you are fucked up! Do that in your relationship and sexual play, not with dating and such. Anyway, those , and I really do mean bitches (female or male) would not even be wearing one of these!

It is a shame that in this messed up society and world that we live in, we don’t raise or teach boys and men to respect women and men when it comes to sex (women too, but this product is only for men). So what in the world is the problem with women and men taking the offense when it comes to rape? I understand that this would not actually prevent rape, but is sure as heck would help prove it in a court of law, and help to put away these scumbags!

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Full Of Regret, Guilt and Shame; Can’t Move On

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I am having such a hard time functioning as a human being right now! I am so full of regret and guilt! I wish that I did something to stop him from raping me, anything! At the very least, I wish that I was not to scared or shocked to  call 911 after it happened that morning, or that I didn’t go to the emergency room. If I called 911, or went to the ER, maybe things would be different. Maybe it would have been enough to get him arrested and put on trial.

This is something that I think about every day. How am I supposed to move on without justice, I am I supposed to let this go? He RAPED ME. He took away something so deep inside me. I am not myself, and I don’t think that I will ever be whole again. This crime, it is the worst crime that a person can commit, I think worse than murder, becauseimages (11)se my soul died that day, yet I have to walk this earth every day in despair with horrible thoughts, feelings, flashbacks and memories that I don’t know how I will ever erase.  I am tormented every day, and the thought that he gets to walk around free, not having to admit what he did, no repercussions, a clean record, with the ability to do this to someone else makes me sick. I am I supposed to have hope when the justice system has failed me, much like it fails most rape victims. I don’t see how it is possible. At least if I had the courage to do something that day, maybe the outcome would have been different, maybe I wouldn’t feel this way, maybe I would start my journey of hope. I just don’t see how that is even possible at this point.

I keep having flashbacks about his “defense” in the courtroom when we had the hearing to extend the restraining order. He said that we had a one day relationship. I felt so sick when I heard that, I almost vomited all over the courtroom and cried, but I kept my composure. This….disgusting excuse for a human…this is what he said?!?! I have never even flirted with him in the pa97st, nor have I ever kissed him, or ever gave him a verbal inclination that I was ever interested in him. The thing that kills me is that I told him that…THAT NIGHT, that I would never sleep with him..ever! Those were my words! I was in shock and horror that morning when I woke up with no underwear on, to him fucking me! It was like I left my body, so surreal. I was scared, intimidated, and disturbed. I just, froze, I have never felt like that. And I was still so drunk! I just wish so much that I could go back and do things differently. And, I wish that some type of justice would be served!

I am broken, and I feel that I might be broken beyond repair. Nothing is helping me. I am seeking help, but nothing works. I am so overwhelmed with anguish that I just can bear it.

 

Are Victims Of Sexual Assault Really Likely To Be Victimized Again? Am I A Statistic

Original Article :

The Repetition Compulsion: Why Rape Victims Are More Likely To Be Assaulted Again

 

 

GENDER-BASED VIOLENCE

The Repetition Compulsion: Why Rape Victims Are More Likely To Be Assaulted Again

Photo by flckr user Christian, licenced under creative commons

In a society where the subject of rape is still taboo, the idea of even one attack is hard to grasp. The idea of multiple attacks seems far beyond probability.

This makes it unimaginably hard for the considerable number of victims who do undergo multiple sexual assaults.

It’s not an unusual phenomenon. A little known fact is that being sexually assaulted puts you at a much higher risk of being assaulted again in the future, as does childhood sexual abuse.

Sometimes referred to as revictimization, it is not exclusive to sexual assault. Victims of domestic violence are more likely to undergo it a second time. Even robberies and burglaries seem to be self-propogating (and significantly so. Being robbed once places you at a nine times higher risk of being robbed again, and being burgled means you have four times more reason to lock up your house.)

Being sexually assaulted greatly increased the risk of future assaults, with one study purporting that being sexually assaulted once meant a woman was 35 times more likely than others to be revictimized.

“The percentage of women who were raped as children or adolescents and also raped as adults was more than two times higher than the percentage among women without an early rape history.”
– National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey, 2010, CDC

What contributes to this devastating, but common pattern?

There are several theories, and it varies from woman to woman. Women who were sexually abused as children have learned silence, and may be unable to enforce appropriate boundaries, given their childhood experiences. Some theorize that it is a way of attempting to master anxiety or trauma. Some suggest that traumatization may cause some to revert to familiar patterns, despite whatever pain it may cause. And some others suggest that women who have been assaulted early learn to associate sex with pain and trauma, and therefore are less likely to be able to distinguish between consent or coercion.

Despite the relative devastation of each crime, we’re far more likely to offer sympathy to repeat victims of a burglary. It is easier to imagine being appalled when someone, once again, comes home to a broken window. Yet, we’d be more skeptical if someone claimed that they’d been raped a second time.

With rape, it can be more difficult to grasp in part because of the culture surrounding sexual assault. A victim is very often disbelieved once. After multiple instances, a forced sexual encounter is seen as their fault, be it the way they dress, the way they conduct themselves or how much they drank. An easy answer is to assume they are trying to cover up regretted sexual encounters, or that they misunderstand the concept of rape.

The stigma against rape contributes to women’s compulsion to repeat their traumas. Chris O’Sullivan, Senior Research Associate at Safe Horizon, explained that one recurring theme throughout his research in the area was that women were likely to take responsibility for the original assault.

“They were so full of self-blame and shame from the original assault that they felt unable to act on their own behalf during the later sexual assault victimization.”

Sullivan also emphasized that revictimization, despite its nature, was never the victim’s fault.

Women may take years to recover from a sexual assault. Being assaulted multiple times can compound the trauma. Sexual assault victims are much more likely to suffer from depression, attempt suicide, develop PTSD, self-harm or use maladaptive coping strategies such as eating disorders or substance abuse. The repetition compulsion is a phenomenon that still confounds researchers in terms of successful interventions, but that doesn’t mean that informal, but steady support from friends or family won’t be effective in any victim’s recovery process.

To learn how to support a rape victim, or to get help yourself:

  • RAINN offers a hotline for victims or friends & family, resources on how to seek help and a list of internationalorganizations.
  • Pandora’s Project is an online network for survivors of sexual violence.

How I Feel After Being Raped; Three Months Later

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Dirty

Scared

Terrified

Lost

Not myself

Anxious

Depressed

Gross

Awful

Terrible

Alone

Ashamed

Victim

Disgrace

Innocence lost

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Understanding Guilt Can Help You Eliminate it

From the Blog of Tamara: 2btru2you

2btru2you

 

Understanding Guilt Can Help You Eliminate it

Posted on May 2, 2016 by Tamara Bess LMFT

Guilt is a fairly common experience for victims and survivors of domestic violence and persists through all stages of healing. Before you are able to escape from your abusive relationship, your abuser uses your anxiety as you try to improve the situation against you by telling you that his out of control behaviors are your fault. You try, but you can’t seem to do the relationship right based on how he continues to treat you. He keeps you there by blaming you for his behavior and finding something wrong with everything you do. When you believe him, you feel guilt. Guilt will keep you in this dangerous situation because if you believe the relationship problems are your fault, you are more likely to remain invested in trying to fix “your problems” by staying.

Within the context of the abusive relationship, guilt is only one of the powerful feelings that a victim experiences. Among them are: fear, terror, anxiety, excitement, sexual passion, intense connection, confusion, hope and doubt. There are probably more feelings, based on individual situations, but my point here is this: with all of the emotions at play within the context of the abusive relationship, guilt often waits in the shadows. Guilt is a secret weapon reinforced in your thoughts by your abuser. Even things you feel bad about that happened before this relationship get tangled up in the current situation as your abuser points his finger toward everything that has hurt you in the past and everything that happens now and says that everything unfortunate you experience today is because of YOU.

Guilt is bedfellows with fear of rejection, anxiety about being “good enough,” the desire to be loved and the belief that the you are responsible for ensuring the well-being of everyone around you. Even if that means you suffer.

For victim and survivor, guilt is often pervasive. Unless focus is directed toward understanding it and uprooting it’s source, it will make itself a lifelong companion whether or not abuse remains an active part of the survivor’s life.

During the phase of healing that takes place just after escaping the abusive relationship, guilt raises it’s head as the raging monster that it is. The problem is, that guilt doesn’t raise it’s head as a known foe. It hides behind messages of blame and misplaced responsibility so that you don’t recognize it. If it were to step out of the shadows, you could see guilt as it is and how to disarm it. Instead, the shadows cause you to continue to look for your own flaws and feel stuck in an unending cycle of trying to correct wrongs that aren’t yours to fix.

Guilt Monster

At his phase, your abuser uses the guilt monster, his established ally, to try to make you feel bad enough about your choice of escape to return. He and the monster have cooperated ahead of time to plant ideas in your head meant to undermine your successful escape. If you return, danger becomes part of you daily existence because you believe lies instead of recognizing the truth of your situation and beginning the process of rooting out the sources of guilt from your heart and mind.

The last phase of healing from abuse occurs after you have successfully extracted yourself from

Guilt-colored glasses

abuse. At this time, guilt has often become a lens that filters your perceptions of any  relationship interaction that makes you feel uncomfortable. Specifically, saying “no” or allowing someone to go through something that you perceive as uncomfortable is likely to launch you into co-dependent action to try to alleviate your own discomfort about their discomfort. This action comes from fears for your own safety that continue to linger and . . . . you guessed it . . . . guilt.

It’s time to recognize the guilt monster for what it is and take off those guilt-colored glasses.

To hear Tamara discuss 3 strategies the guilt monster uses to get the best of you, click play.

© Tamara Bess, LMFT 2015 All Rights Reserved. Any use of this article without Tamara’s express written permission is prohibited.

 

Original post from blog :

Understanding Guilt Can Help You Eliminate it

Lot’s of Men are Rape Victims Too

[ A New York Times Article]
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/01/24/health/as-victims-men-struggle-for-rape-awareness.html  

Men Struggle for Rape Awareness

By RONI CARYN RABINJAN. 23, 2012

24RAPE-jumbo

How a Ball Powers a

This ball harnesses energy from play and stores it for later.

ASSAULTED Keith Smith of East Windsor, N.J., was raped when he was a 14-year-old hitchhiker.CreditMichael Nagle for The New York Times

Keith Smith was 14 when he was raped by a driver who picked him up after a hockey team meeting. He had hitchhiked home, which is why, for decades, he continued to blame himself for the assault.

When the driver barreled past Hartley’s Pork Pies on the outskirts of Providence, R.I., where Mr. Smith had asked to be dropped off, and then past a firehouse, he knew something was wrong.

“I tried to open the car door, but he had rigged the lock,” said Mr. Smith, of East Windsor, N.J., now 52. Still, he said, “I had no idea it was going to be a sexual assault.”

Even today, years after the disclosure of the still-unfolding child abuse scandal in the Catholic Church and the arrest of a former Pennsylvania State University assistant football coach accused of sexually abusing boys,rape is widely thought of as a crime against women.

Until just a few weeks ago, when the federal government expanded its definition of rape to include a wider range of sexual assaults, national crime statistics on rape included only assaults against women and girls committed by men under a narrow set of circumstances. Now they will also include male victims.

While most experts agree women are raped far more often than men, 1.4 percent of men in a recent national survey said they had been raped at some point. The study, by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, found that when rape was defined as oral or anal penetration, one in 71 men said they had been raped or had been the target of attempted rape, usually by a man they knew. (The study did not include men in prison.)

And one in 21 said they had been forced to penetrate an acquaintance or a partner, usually a woman; had been the victim of an attempt to force penetration; or had been made to receive oral sex.

Other estimates have run even higher. A Department of Justice report found that 3 percent of men, or one in 33, had been raped. Some experts believe that one in six men have experienced unwanted sexual contact of some kind as minors.

But for many men, the subject is so discomfiting that it is rarely discussed — virtually taboo, experts say, because of societal notions about masculinity and the idea that men are invulnerable and can take care of themselves.

“We have a cultural blind spot about this,” said David Lisak, a clinical psychologist who has done research on interpersonal violence and sexual abuse and is a founding board member of 1in6, an organization that offers information and services to men who had unwanted or abusive sexual experiences as children.

“We recognize that male children are being abused,” Dr. Lisak said, “but then when boys cross some kind of threshold somewhere in adolescence and become what we perceive to be men, we no longer want to think about it in this way.”

Even when high-profile cases dominate the news, said Mai Fernandez, executive director of the National Center for Victims of Crime advocacy organization in Washington, “attention goes to the things we feel more comfortable talking about — such as whether Penn State had done enough, and what will happen to their football program — and not to the question, ‘What do we do to prevent boys from being sexually assaulted?’ ”

In an interview with The Washington Post this month, Joe Paterno, the Penn State football coach who was fired after the abuse scandal erupted and who died of lung cancer on Sunday, said that when an assistant had told him about witnessing an inappropriate encounter between a young boy and Jerry Sandusky, the former assistant coach who is facing charges of sexual abuse, he had been confused and unsure how to proceed. Mr. Paterno said the assistant “didn’t want to get specific. And to be frank with you, I don’t know that it would have done any good, because I never heard of, of rape and a man.”

Much of the research on the sexual assault of men has focused on prisons. But men are also raped outside of prison, usually by people they know, including acquaintances and intimate partners, but occasionally by complete strangers. They are raped as part of violent, drunken or drug-induced assaults; war crimes; interrogations; antigay bias crimes; and hazing rites for male clubs and organizations, like fraternities, and in the military.

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NIGHTMARES Keith Smith “was waking up screaming” for years after his rape, he said.CreditMichael Nagle for The New York Times

In one study of 3,337 military veterans applying for disability benefits forpost-traumatic stress disorder, 6.5 percent of male combat veterans and 16.5 percent of noncombat veterans reported either in-service or post-service sexual assault. (The rates were far higher for female veterans, 69.0 percent and 86.6 percent respectively.)

A Pentagon report released on Thursday found a 64 percent increase in sexual crimes in the Army since 2006, with rape, sexual assault and forcible sodomy the most frequent violent sex crimes committed last year; 95 percent of all victims were women.

Some studies have reported that the risk of rape is greatest for men who are young, are living in poverty or homeless, or are disabled or mentally ill. The C.D.C. study found that one-quarter of men who had been raped were assaulted before they were 10 , usually by someone they knew.

And young men raised by poor single mothers are especially vulnerable to male predators, said Dr. Zane Gates, an internist who cares for low-income patients on Medicaid at a community health center in Altoona, Pa.

“You’re looking for a male figure in your life desperately, and you’ll give anything for that,” he said.

Eugene Porter, a therapist in Oakland, Calif., and the author of the book “Treating the Young Male Victim of Sexual Assault,” said that while some assailants seek power and dominance, others “find that aggression enhances their sexual experience.”

“There is no arena in which rape takes place between men and women that it does not take place between men and men,” he said.

Like women, men who are raped feel violated and ashamed and may become severely depressed or suicidal. They are at increased risk forsubstance abuse, problems with interpersonal relationships, physical impairments, chronic pain, insomnia and other health problems.

But men also face a challenge to their sense of masculinity. Many feel they should have done more to fight off their attackers. Since they may believe that men are never raped, they may feel isolated and reluctant to confide in anyone. Male rape victims may become confused about their sexual orientation or, if gay and raped by a man, blame their sexual orientation for the rape.

“If you’re sexually assaulted, there’s this idea that you’re no longer a man,” said Neil Irvin, executive director of the organization Men Can Stop Rape. “The violence is ignored, and your sexual orientation and gender are confronted.”

Many rape crisis centers — which often also provide services for victims of domestic violence — do not have the resources to counsel male victims. Remarkably few male victims seek professional help for injuries, screening for sexually transmitted diseases or counseling after an attack, often waiting years or decades.

One study of 705 men in Virginia found that 91, or 13 percent, had been sexually assaulted, a vast majority of them before they turned 18. Fewer than one-fifth of victims had ever received professional services related to the assault.

“Men are affected — they have high rates of P.T.S.D. and depression — but the majority don’t get help,” said Dr. Saba W. Masho, the lead author of the Virginia study and an associate professor of epidemiology and community health at Virginia Commonwealth University. “It’s easy for you and I to talk about it, but when you put yourself in that victim’s shoes, they’re asking, ‘Do I want people to know? How do I seek help? Do I want my doctor to know? Where do I go?’ ”

Mr. Smith told his older brother and father about what had happened as soon as he got home, and the three went to the police to file a report. Mr. Smith had memorized the license plate number of the car, and the owner, who was known to the police because of a conviction for distributing pornography, was arrested. He was killed on the streets of Providence before he could stand trial.

Today, Mr. Smith is a member of the speakers bureau for Rainn, the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network, which provides online counseling for victims. For years, he said, he suffered from nightmares in which he was fleeing his assailant’s car, scared that the man, who had handed him $10 and dropped him off almost three hours after picking him up, was coming back.

“I was waking up screaming,” he said.


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These 4 Questions Got 120 Men To Admit To Rape

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When I reported my rape, the detectives did not even question my rapist! While attempting to research what the reason is that they would not do that, I came across the article below:

http://www.upworthy.com/whoa-4-questions-that-got-120-rapists-to-admit-they-were-rapists-5

It poses these four exact questions  for the study that was conducted;

***The exact questions asked in the study were:

  1. Have you ever been in a situation where you tried, but for various reasons did not succeed, in having sexual intercourse with an adult by using or threatening to use physical force (twisting their arm, holding them down, etc.) if they did not cooperate?
  2. Have you ever had sexual intercourse with someone, even though they did not want to, because they were too intoxicated (on alcohol or drugs) to resist your sexual advances (e.g., removing their clothes)?
  3. Have you ever had sexual intercourse with an adult when they didn’t want to because you used or threatened to use physical force (twisting their arm; holding them down, etc.) if they didn’t cooperate?
  4. Have you ever had oral sex with an adult when they didn’t want to because you used or threatened to use physical force (twisting their arm; holding them down, etc.) if they didn’t cooperate?

Check out thimagese link. When initially asked to the group of men who all (of course) said that they have never raped anyone ever. But when phrased with those exact words above, 120 of them answered YES.

This is truly appalling to me! When in the hell are things going to change, and what makes people think that they have the right to do any of the things in the above mentioned questions to someone else!?!?!

 

Another article relating to this:

http://www.washingtoncitypaper.com/blogs/sexist/2009/11/12/rapists-who-dont-think-theyre-rapists/

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Rape : Fight Back And Report

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I came across this page on the net;http://drlwilson.com/articles/RAPE.htm

Of all the things that I read on it, the words below stuck in my mind…

“FIGHT BACK

If possible, always report rapes. Otherwise, rapists usually strike again and again.  They can be some of the most violent and vile criminals in existence.  Do not be intimidated.

If you can, go public with your rape. Rapists dislike publicity.  Rape thrives on secrecy.  Going public with your rape is needed at this time in order to increase the ridiculously short jail sentences for rape.”

This is not an easy thing to do,  I have been there personally.

But thefact remains is that this is a true statement.  I told my boyfriend what happened,  immediately.  I have never,  nor would I ever cheat on someone,  and while the circumstances of our relationship were in flux (but not defined,  as we were upset with each other over miss communicated texts ) be that as is may, I am seriously questioning if I am in love with this man, I’m not the person,  nor have I ever been to jump into bed with someone else for any reason other than true feelings.

I was raped.  When I told my rapist that I told my boyfriend what happened,  he got this look on his face like he had seen a ghost.  Then he had the audacity to say to me ” I wish you consulted me before you told him”.SERIOUSLY? !?! Like what?  Like we had a love affair?  I  woke up with his dick inside me! I  couldn’t believe his comment!  I  guess I also couldn’t believe that he raped me.

The point is, YES! Rapists thrive on secrecy,  my rapist prooved that.

Please if anyone out there has been raped,  or god forbid ever falls victim to rape,  please please please consider reporting.

We needto change the way society sees victims,  and we need to change laws.

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