Search

A Survivor Not a Victim

Overcoming Rape

Tag

No more

I’m (We Are ALL) Living In Rape Culture; This Conversation Actually Happened Last Night

images (1)

Last night I was talking with a “friend” who I had previously confided about being raped. We were talking because I was upset, I am having such a hard time moving on. My life is a mess, I am not myself, and I feel ruined.

As we were talking she said, “How do you even know for sure that you were raped? How do you know that is the whole story? What he did was wrong, but how do you know for sure that it was rape? You said yourself that you were so drunk, and you woke up to him on top of you and in you. How do you know that you were’t black out? I don’t think if a person is drunk that it really can be rape”

images (6)
Are you FUCKING ME?!?!?! I told her that regardless, even though I completely disagree with her, I told him no that night, that “I was never going to sleep with him” What he did WAS rape. I did not give consent, in fact I already told him no earlier, and I was not in a position to give consent. She said that I was drunk, and that I should have never gotten in the bed with him in the fist place….I was completely shocked to be hearing  this…from her. He was in my bed, in my room. I didn’t know why, I as shitfaced, tired, and figured that since I knew I made it clear that I would never have sex, that I had nothing to worry about. I was wearing clothes…it isn’t like I went to bed naked!! I had no idea that he would do that to me. And I couldn’t believe what she was saying. We argued about this for an hour, and it just made me sick. She really thinks that if a person is drunk, they cannot be raped. 

I have been a mess all day. I already feel like shit, and cannot cope with what happened, then I hear this from a supposed “friend” who was “trying to help”. What she is doing is victim blaming, making excuses for rapists, and saying that it is ok to rape drunk people.

I was raped, I have not doubt about it. There is no other explanation, no excuse. It doesn’t matter if I was drunk, he raped me, period, end of story. If this is what a “friend” thinks of certain types of rape situations, then what does the majority of society think. This is a prime example of rape culture….and it needs to end!

images

Being Raped Has Ruined My Life – I Live In A Constant State Of FEAR

images (3)

Being raped is on of the worst experiences that a person can live through.  The aftermath of rape is equally as terrible. As if being raped isn’t bad enough,  the trauma from that event, the memories,  the scars….they last forever.

It is bad enough that I am TERRIFIED to leave my house,  or work once I arrive there safely.  This is my everyday reality.images (2)

My roommate left a few days ago,  and he won’t be back till next week.  I am petrified.  To the point where I sleep with a kitchen knife under my pillow.

It is completely unfair. My rapist lives his live unaccountable for his actions, untouched, unharmed, hell, I would not even be surprised if he jerks off to that morning and what he did to me. And I, am cursed to continue to live with flashbacks, nightmares, fear, visions, the inability to concentrate, sleep and eat.

I live every day of my life in fear, to the point where on most day’s, at least once, I become so overwhelmed with fear that I start to shake uncontrollably, and most day’s this happens more than once.

Rape has ruined my life…

images (1)

Yes Rape Culture Exists; And If You Really Can’t See It, You Are Part Of The PROBLEM

This article gives great insight and examples to rape culture today.  I have copied and pasted it for your convenience.  Source below :

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/womens-blog/2014/feb/14/rape-culture-damage-it-does-everyday-sexism

download

 

This is rape culture – and look at the damage it does

We live in a world where sexual assault can be dismissed with jokes or excuses, even used in a chatup line or plastered across a T-shirt. The UK rape statistics are shocking, and so are these harrowing reports to the Everyday Sexism Project

Laura Bates

Friday 14 February 2014 07.42 EST

What do we mean when we say “rape culture”? You may have heard the term used recently. It describes a culture in which rape and sexual assault are common (in the UK over 85,000 women are raped and 400,000 sexually assaulted every single year). It describes a culture in which dominant social norms belittledismissjoke about or even seem to condone rape and sexual assault. It describes a culture in which the normalisation of rape and sexual assault are so great that often victims are blamed, either implicitly or explicitly, when these crimes are committed against them. A culture in which other factors such as media objectification make it easier to see women as dehumanised objects for male sexual purposes alone.

It’s part of rape culture when “I’m feeling rapey” T-shirts are put up for sale on eBay. Or when a member of a University sports team goes out in a “casual rape” shirt, or another team plays a game called: “It’s not rape if …”

It’s part of rape culture when a child victim of sexual abuse is accused of being complicit and somehow “egging” on her abuser in the court case against him. It’s rape culture that makes it so hard for male victims to speak out too, because hand-in-hand with the dismissal of rape as a hilarious joke goes the stigmatisation of male rape victims as effeminate, impotent or non-existent.

Sometimes it’s hard to recognise or understand rape culture without hearing real-life examples of how it impacts on everyday lives, starting from an incredibly young age:


 Jill Nicholls @JillNicholls01

@EverydaySexism #followed home from primary school by gang of boys saying they’d rape me – didn’t know what it meant but was scared – ran

9:23 AM – 2 Mar 2013


Tasha Berg @TashaHugs

@EverydaySexism Overheard young boy on bus saying – “I’ll rape your mum so bad she can’t walk”. Sickening!

12:34 PM – 11 Feb 2014


It means that the discussion and threat of rape becomes an acceptable part of public discourse:


Rini Sardesai @ProjectReinette

@EverydaySexism Can’t go out for walks around my house bc routinely harassed, called names, and told that I need to be raped. Lovely stuff.

6:12 AM – 8 Aug 2013


Anna @Lethal_Brows

@EverydaySexism My coworker was walking me to my car after my closing shift, I thanked him and he laughed & said he could rape me right now.

10:51 AM – 23 Oct 2013


And the idea of rape becomes fair game for public jokes:


Angela Barnes @AngelaBarnes

Genuine chat up scene unfolding on this train: Boy: do you have a rape alarm?
Girl: yes
Boy: shame
I despair for humanity. @EverydaySexism

6:14 PM – 1 Feb 2014

 


Rape culture suggests that men have a ‘right’ to women’s bodies, thus undermining the concept of consent:


EmINy @Despairbunny

@EverydaySexism Guy I used to go out with decides he wants to restart stuff between us. When I decline he threatens to rape me #ShoutingBack

2:36 PM – 8 Jan 2013


This leads to common misconceptions about women “asking for it” or “wanting it”, even if they explicitly say otherwise:


Chocoholic Girl @chazzyb31

@EverydaySexism At a party with bf, met his friend & pregnant gf. Friend follows me into toilets & says he’s going to rape me bcs I want it.


3:09 PM – 2 Sep 2013— ♀Tw¡nk Sl¡thersby♀ (@Twinklecrepe)October 23, 2013

@EverydaySexism I was raped by a coworker. I told my boss about it; she said it wasn’t rape and implied I actually wanted it


This leads to public speculation about whether victims’ dress or behaviour could be to blame for their own assaults:


— elin who (@therosetylah)F

ebruary 11, 2014

@EverydaySexism two girls in my class were talking about how you’d only have yourself to blame for getting raped if you wore a short skirt


— Catherine (@Scathach_81)February 2, 2014

@EverydaySexism A former magistrate blames short skirts for rape on #bbctbqWelcome to 21st century Britain. #VictimBlaming


— Wolf Mommy (@Wolf_Mommy)July 30, 2013

When a man told me breastfeeding my baby in public is going to get me raped.@EverydaySexism


This shifts all the focus onto victims, while perpetrators are not addressed at all:


— The Family Buisness (@Sarah_Watsons)June 16, 2013

@EverydaySexism ever since I was little my mum told me how to not get raped but I have never heard her once tell my 2 brothers not to rape.


Rape culture can permeate every area of a woman’s life, from the pavement:


— Katie McArthur (@grrumblecakes)March 6, 2013

And FURIOUS that there are people alive who think threatening to rape me on my way to work is a funny joke #everydaysexism


To the workplace:


— AM (@adorrissey)June 17, 2013

@EverydaySexism upon hearing I was 19 and a virgin, my coworker suggested I “needed to get raped.”


From the classroom:


— Ellen Steenkamp (@EllenSteenkamp)April 18, 2013

@EverydaySexism At age 11 classmate on schooltrip stated that ‘no-one would rape me anyway cuz I’m too ugly’. Others only laughed at that


To our own homes and families:


— honey-senpai (@kawaiifriend)June 15, 2013

@EverydaySexism bought an open back t shirt for a concert a month ago; my father told me the shirt screamed “rape me”


As the word starts to lose its meaning, it becomes harder and harder to object to rape culture:— Charlie Price (@charliecat82)March 27, 2013

@EverydaySexism #LadCulture being told by an ex-boyfriend that he’d like to rape me and then he didn’t get why I was angry.


Worst of all, the widespread and normalised nature of rape culture makes it increasingly hard for victims to speak out, as they learn to believe they won’t be taken seriously, or are dismissed when they do:


— Amanda Tall (@AmandaLDTall)June 15, 2013

On a nearly empty metro 4 men shouted they wanted to rape me. Scary but we’re not meant to make a fuss so didn’t tell anyone @EverydaySexism


— Lorg Mo Chearta (@BriMonroeCarter)December 13, 2012

@EverydaySexism I was 15 & my rape happened at a party. Never reported it because I knew I would get blamed&no would believe me. #RapeIsRape


— Chitra Nagarajan (@chitranagarajan)March 13, 2012

#ididnotreport because I thought I was overreacting – when being followed by groups of men and threatened with rape


— Vidyut (@Vidyut)June 18, 2013

the usual. RT @THELOUDERMOUTH@EverydaySexism When I told friends I was raped, they said I ‘should have been more careful.’ #shoutingback


The cycle is perpetuated as victims are silenced and blamed, the crime normalised, and perpetrators completely ignored.

This is rape culture.

images

 

Rape

images (38)

rape1

noun

1.

unlawful sexual intercourse or any other sexual penetration of the vagina, anus, or mouth of another person, with or without force, by a sex organ, other body part, or foreign object, without the consent of the victim.

This is the definition of RAPE

“with or without force”
“without consent of the victim”
So…then why is our justice system so unresponsive and unwilling to prosecute perpetrators of this heinous crime?!?!
Worldwide – THIS IS A HUGE PROBLEM!
images (37)

How I Feel After Being Raped; The ABC’s

images (1)

Awful

Broken

Choked 

Damaged

Emotional 

Fearful 

Guilty 

Hurt

Insignificant 

Jittery 

Kaput

Lost

Mutilated 

Nervous 

Overwhelmed 

Paralyzed 

Queasy

Restless 

Suicidal

Tired 

Undefinable

Violated 

Weak

X – is his name ie THE RAPIST 

Yucky

Zero

images

Brock Turner The Rapist Will Only Serve Three Months In Jail

Full Article:

http://time.com/4363538/brock-turner-stanford-sexual-assault-swimmer/

images

This is a freaking outrage!!! As if the slimy judge who already let this rapist off with a slap on the wrist with 6 months jail time…It has not been confirmed that Brock Turner the Rapist is due to be released from jail on September 2nd….yes, that is three months from the day he was sent there!!!!

When I first read this I could not even believe it! This whole entire situation is just disgusting!  And now it has got even worse!! What in the hell kind of society do we live it?!

Not to mention…talk about white privilege….So, if you are a white male with money you can pretty much get out of anything! This world just get’s sicker and sicker every day!

tumblr_inline_o8g7fpl7K81t3082v_500

If you are not familiar, his accuser recanted her claims, after Banks had already served 5 years in prison….I can only imaging how hard this case would have been to prove, especially compered to Brock Turner the Rapist’s case which was open and shit with witness and their involvement.

I hate the people who falsely accuse others of rape, because it is so hard for rape victims to get justice (look at the Brock Turner Rapist case, open and shut and still no justice). But the fact of the matter is that false reports of rape equal the exact same (percentage wise) as all other crime false reporting (murder, larson, robbery…). It really sucks when an innocent person accused of Rape goes to jail, because so many actual rapist don’t even make it to court, let alone are they convicted.

But in the case of Brock Turner the Rapist, I would be anything that if wasn’t white…he would have been put away for a long time.

More Debunked Rape Myth Statements

Brock Turner; Convicted Rapist…Don’t EVER Forget It

download (3)

Brock Turner has been convicted of raping an unconscious female behind a dumpster at a frat party. Two fellow male students caught him in the act, chased him down, and held him until police officers arrived on the scene.

Even though Brock Turner was found guilty, he was sentenced to only 6 MONTHS of jail time because it was in the opinion of the judge that, ““A prison sentence would have a severe impact on him. I think he will not be a danger to others.”

Brock Turner’s father want’s people to stop talking about his son being a rapist. He made the statement [in a letter where he was making the argument that his son should receive probation], “His life will never be the one that he dreamed about and worked so hard to achieve. That is a steep price to pay for 20 minutes of action out of his 20 plus years of life”.

Dan Turner (father of Brock Turner) went on to say, “He will never be his happy go lucky self with that easy going personality and welcoming smile”.

Seriously?!?! HIS life will never be the one he dreamed of? HE will never be HIS happy go lucky self? CRY ME A RIVER! He brutally raped a woman, and now just like almost all rapists, he is getting a slap on the wrist with only 6 months of jail time.

The poor victim. At the sentencing, the young woman asked the judge if she could address her attacker, Brock Turner, directly, and read a letter that she wrote. It is heart wrenching. Some things she said were,

 “The next thing I remember I was in a gurney in a hallway. I had dried blood and bandages on the backs of my hands and elbow. I thought maybe I had fallen and was in an admin office on campus. I was very calm and wondering where my sister was. A deputy explained I had been assaulted. I still remained calm, assured he was speaking to the wrong person. I knew no one at this party. When I was finally allowed to use the restroom, I pulled down the hospital pants they had given me, went to pull down my underwear, and felt nothing. I still remember the feeling of my hands touching my skin and grabbing nothing. I looked down and there was nothing. The thin piece of fabric, the only thing between my vagina and anything else, was missing and everything inside me was silenced. I still don’t have words for that feeling. In order to keep breathing, I thought maybe the policemen used scissors to cut them off for evidence.”

On that morning, all that I was told was that I had been found behind a dumpster, potentially penetrated by a stranger, and that I should get retested for HIV because results don’t always show up immediately.

So one year later, as predicted, a new dialogue emerged. Brock had a strange new story, almost sounded like a poorly written young adult novel with kissing and dancing and hand holding and lovingly tumbling onto the ground, and most importantly in this new story, there was suddenly consent. One year after the incident, he remembered, oh yeah, by the way she actually said yes, to everything, so.

Full letter here:

https://www.buzzfeed.com/katiejmbaker/heres-the-powerful-letter-the-stanford-victim-read-to-her-ra?utm_term=.bqRdYBZqr0#.fmjY1r5amy

During an n interview with The Washington Post on 6/6/16 Santa Clara District Attorney Jeff Rosen stated that, “To this day, the defendant denies what he did, Turner “preyed upon” his victim and displayed violence”.

I hope no one ever….ever forgets the name Brock Turner, and the fact that he is a brutal rapist who got off easy. I hope everyone who reads this shares it with someone, or everyone they know so that it will cycle and cycle throughout the media outlets for years to come. So that in the future when others are looking up information, the name “Brock Turner; Rapist” will always and forever be connected as one, identifying him as a rapist for life, because that is what he is, a filthy, disrespectful, depraved, deceitful, and remorseless RAPIST!

 

 

Anti Rape Condom Developed In 2007 Still Not For Sale

download (2)

I have heard about this product before. Here is an article about it from 2010….mind you  that the product was developed in 2007

http://www.neatorama.com/2010/01/13/anti-rape-condom-can-help-protect-victims/

Honestly. …WTF? Any hesitation about releasing this product is clearly in line with protecting rapists and the extremely small percentage of men who are falsely accused. And to be honest,  I am almost 33 years old. Almost every man I have dated has or has attempted to pressure me into having sex! (It just depends on the age I was  as to what I tolerated at the time)

2007….2007 is when this was developed by a South African Dr.Now, I am by no means an extreme feminist, but honestly, it is now 2016! Look at the the gender of who runs the majority of world politics….men! And the sad thing is…SO MANY MEN GET RAPED TOO! They could benefit from this device based on all the articles that I have read.

In my opinion I think that most of the people in political power extort sexual favors from people. I think that they have something over them and they give thimages (6)em no option (like blackmail) but to exchange sexual favors. Is that rape? I cannot comment on that because I have not been in that position, but I think that it makes a lot of political
figures and everyday people nervous that if they pressure someone who really doesn’t want sex…”What if they are wearing Rapex?” This is why I think that this product has not been released to the public…men are scared that they will not be able to take advantage of women and vulnerable men anymore.

I know that the other argument is that what if a woman (or man) is trying to “trap” a man. But honestly , that percentage is so few and far between. This is because all those STUPID BITCHES!! Yes, I said it, all you stupid bitches who say no when you mean yes…you are fucked up! Do that in your relationship and sexual play, not with dating and such. Anyway, those , and I really do mean bitches (female or male) would not even be wearing one of these!

It is a shame that in this messed up society and world that we live in, we don’t raise or teach boys and men to respect women and men when it comes to sex (women too, but this product is only for men). So what in the world is the problem with women and men taking the offense when it comes to rape? I understand that this would not actually prevent rape, but is sure as heck would help prove it in a court of law, and help to put away these scumbags!

images (7)

Full Of Regret, Guilt and Shame; Can’t Move On

guilt-complex-test-quiz

I am having such a hard time functioning as a human being right now! I am so full of regret and guilt! I wish that I did something to stop him from raping me, anything! At the very least, I wish that I was not to scared or shocked to  call 911 after it happened that morning, or that I didn’t go to the emergency room. If I called 911, or went to the ER, maybe things would be different. Maybe it would have been enough to get him arrested and put on trial.

This is something that I think about every day. How am I supposed to move on without justice, I am I supposed to let this go? He RAPED ME. He took away something so deep inside me. I am not myself, and I don’t think that I will ever be whole again. This crime, it is the worst crime that a person can commit, I think worse than murder, becauseimages (11)se my soul died that day, yet I have to walk this earth every day in despair with horrible thoughts, feelings, flashbacks and memories that I don’t know how I will ever erase.  I am tormented every day, and the thought that he gets to walk around free, not having to admit what he did, no repercussions, a clean record, with the ability to do this to someone else makes me sick. I am I supposed to have hope when the justice system has failed me, much like it fails most rape victims. I don’t see how it is possible. At least if I had the courage to do something that day, maybe the outcome would have been different, maybe I wouldn’t feel this way, maybe I would start my journey of hope. I just don’t see how that is even possible at this point.

I keep having flashbacks about his “defense” in the courtroom when we had the hearing to extend the restraining order. He said that we had a one day relationship. I felt so sick when I heard that, I almost vomited all over the courtroom and cried, but I kept my composure. This….disgusting excuse for a human…this is what he said?!?! I have never even flirted with him in the pa97st, nor have I ever kissed him, or ever gave him a verbal inclination that I was ever interested in him. The thing that kills me is that I told him that…THAT NIGHT, that I would never sleep with him..ever! Those were my words! I was in shock and horror that morning when I woke up with no underwear on, to him fucking me! It was like I left my body, so surreal. I was scared, intimidated, and disturbed. I just, froze, I have never felt like that. And I was still so drunk! I just wish so much that I could go back and do things differently. And, I wish that some type of justice would be served!

I am broken, and I feel that I might be broken beyond repair. Nothing is helping me. I am seeking help, but nothing works. I am so overwhelmed with anguish that I just can bear it.

 

Rape Destroys Lives

images (30)

Today,  I spent the majority of the afternoon researching this topic to write a post about how rape destroys the lives of the victim and their families and friends.  Well, I was in for a shock when I saw what that search result yielded! 

That did lead me to a whole other set of research and a different topic of discussion,  but I became so upset,  so sad, angry,  depressed. ..you name it,  I felt it!

At first I was not going to write at all today,  but then I decided to stick with my original idea. . RAPE RUINS LIVES

.images (31)

As of right now,  yes, my life is in shambles.  This rape has effected every relationship that I have,  it has effected my work,  my sleep,  my eating,  my self worth,  my view of my image,  my sanity.

Every day is a nightmare !  Some day’s might have some small happy moments sprinkled in that last for images (34)a very short time,  but each and every day, whether I am awake or asleep is a nightmare.I’m afraid to sleep because of the nightmares I get, I am afraid to be awake because of the thoughts,  visions,  flashbacks,  jumpiness,  anxiety,  and constantly looking over my shoulder. I am devised that I can’t get justice,  like so many others,  and my rapist walks around free to do the exact same thing to someone else,  living his life like nothing happened.  I  wouldn’t even be surprised if he goes home at night and jerks off to his crime!

When is it going to end? How many more victims do there have to be before things change?  Before society changes? I  ask myself this question many times a day.

How many more?  How many more?  How many more?  How many morimages (33)e?  This plays over and over again in my head on repeat!

I am fighting.  Doing everything I can.  Reaching out to advocates,  lawyer’s,  Senator’s,  but it is an up hill battle.  It’s like there is justice for victims,  and the law and society is so
concerned about protecting rapists!

Of all the people who I told that I was raped,  and they replied to me saying that they had also been raped,  all of their rapists never got to trial or anything!  (Accept one, the verdict is still out on that friend, the evidence is still being collected.  I think about this friend every day and I hope. …I hope so much that their rapist is tried,  convicted,  and put away!)

Victims matter!  We matter way more than the monsters who rape us!

How many more?

images (32)

My Rape Dreams Have Gotten Out Of Controle

Since my rape on February 14, 2016, I have been experiencing horrific nightmares! Sometimes they are about him, other times they are are about men that I know raping me, but last night was the most disturbing nightmare that I have ever had in my life!! EVER!

I can still vividly remember every detail, sight, sound, feeling, taste, emotion. Pardon my language, but it was fucking horrifying!! Initially I was going to write in detail about it, but first of all, no one needs to hear about it, two, I am sure that plenty of people have actually been through something like it, for real, thankfully mine was just a dream, although it truly felt real.

To give a very brief summary, it was a kidnapping gang rape. It was like it was actually happening and I could not wake up! I actually had an appointment with my counselor yesterday, yet this nightmare chapped last night, so I didn’t even get to talk with her about it. I know with dreams, usually you tend to forget the details as the day goes on….so not the case here, I could write a full in-depth report on this nightmare. I can still hear the voices, feel being brutalized, taste what I cannot even begin to talk about. It was horrifying and traumatizing.download (3)

I just got off the phone with the rape crisis hotline. She was very helpful and gave me some suggestions to help me sleep tonight (last night. ..I fell asleepwhile trying to finish this post so yeah!). However, my fear is that my subconscious mind is going to pick up where it left off an that scares me.  I am terrified to fall asleep still.

Why do I continue to have dreams like this, and why are they getting progressively worse? I do not understand?

 

Did You Know Ther Are Pro Rape Groups?

Today I was at work doing a bit of research about a protest that took place earlier this week in front of my office,  that led to protesters coming into the lobby of the office building and chaining themselves to our benches.  (This had nothing to do with rape )

But, while trying to gain insight as to why my building was targeted,  I saw an article  (that I didn’t click on at the time,  I waited till I got home to investigate ) about a pro rape rally from February.

Apparently,  there is a group called “The Return of the Kings ” they have a website,  and their leader is a pro rape blogger,  Roosh V.

In February this year,  2016,  Roosh V along with the Return of the Kings coordinated 165 events in 43 countries.

Now, all or most of these ended up being canceled because Roosh “could not insure the safety and privacy of his followers “. A hack group called  “We Are Anonymous ” publicly displayed his residential information on Facebook.

What do I think about that?  Good!! Considering what I have read about this dirt bag and what he has to say. Especially about trying to make rape legal on private property.

I went to the FB page of “We Are Anonymous “. Turns out  (actually they tweeted his info on twitter ) FB removed the post,  well, the connecting link.

This is my thoughts. …I feel that is a wrong move on FB. If this scumbag wants to do all this, and say what he is spewing,  then why can’t We Are Anonymous  put his info out there? Freedom of speech!  I say, this makes FB look like they condone rape and Roosh’s antics.

It makes me sick!

images

Stigma Hurts

images (5)

I have never felt rape stigma so bad as I do now, trying to find a new roommate! I have been looking for a roommate since March 1st. It has not been an easy task. With the people that have ended up coming to see my apartment, and the people that I do like and could see myself living with, I keep running into the same issue for the most part. Not all cases, but 99% of them. They meet me, they like me, they like the place, the price, location, etc. Then they ask why the previous roommate left….What the hell am I supposed to say?!?!?!?! I am the honest type, I am not going to lie or deceive anyone no matter what the cost. images (6)

This is how it goes; Prospective – “Why did your roommate leave?” Me-  “He was removed by the court” Prospective – “Why? What did he do??” Me- Umm…. He raped me” Prospective – “crickets” — no they say, “I am so sorry, that is terrible…blah blah balhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!” Then I never hear from them again! Female, Male, Gay, Straight, Bi…it is all the same. What is this?!?! I don’t get it? Am I supposed to lie? I don’t think so! Are they passing judgement on me? Were they just playing me all along and pretending that they loved the place and wanted to fill out an application….wasting my time and theirs??? I am sensing a pattern, and I have learned the hard way to trust my gut, and my gut says that is directly has to do with telling these people that I was raped by my former roommate. Now what the hell am I supposed to do to overcome this? Not only do I need a new roommate asap….It has to be the right roommate for me, I am not letting anyone just move on up in here. images (4) I just feel so defeated, and I don’t  know. I have never been raped before…let alone by a roommate! I don’t know how to handle this, I don’t know how to proceed! I don’t know what or when to tell people, so I only tell when asked. So why are people so ridiculous when they find out that I have been raped? I have had roommates for years, many many years, and have never ever had a hard time finding replacements or new roommates. What gives? It’s like The havoc that this rapist has reaped on my life is endless and continues to grow every single day! When is it going to end! I mean sure, most things happen for a reason, so clearly none of these prospective people are for me in regards to roommates, but I am reaching the the end here. Rapist who is still on the lease will not pay, I am running out of time and resources to get someone in here. I am just at such a loss!

images (7)

The Frustration Continues

images (1)

The rapist that I formally lived with is still on my lease. I have had no luck so far in finding a new roommate (it must just be the time of year, as I have never had such a hard time before). I (we, but I got his too) have been served a 10 day notice to quit for the unpaid rent of the rapist for the month of April. March was taken care of by his last month’s rent that he gave upfront. He has stated to my landlord that “Since he is not living at the residence, he do not feel that he need’s to pay).

Well, that is not the way the law works! He is still responsible for rent, and so am I. Unfortunately, if the amount is not paid, the eviction process will start, and if evicted, that will effect us both. I want to stay here, so I am dammed if I do and dammed if I don’t. I have a flawless rental record that I do not want destroyed because of him, but I dimages (2)o not have the money to pay the entire rent. I plan on taking him to court to get all the money, this month and any other months that there might be with no one living here, but that is going to take time. I don’t know what I am going to do?! I also plan to take him to civil court for the rape. He should be held accountable for his actions, and I feel like I am never going to be able to move on until that happens, even if it isn’t criminal, at least it is something and I am not just sitting here letting him get away with rape. His actions are repulsive! Now I am under additional stress financially because of him. He says that this is not “fair” about having to pay rent. Well, it isn’t fair that he raped me. He signed the lease, he is on it until he is removed. Again, this is him avoiding responsibility for his actions. This is what all rapists do! It needs to stop! How know’s how many other women he has done this to, and if he isn’t stopped or deterred in some manner, who knows how many will be next?

I am so depressed, frustrated, and some days I feel like giving up. But then I remind myself that I can’t. I can’t for me, I can’t for his most likely past victims, and I really can’t for his potential future victims. I don’t believe that people who rape only do it once. Sure, maybe it has happened in a very few cases, but in general, these disgusting individuals are repeat offenders. And they are going to do it again. I mean, this disgusting excuse for a human groomed me all night! This was surely not his first offence.

I really hope things start to turn around soon. It is like he keeps coming out on top and I keep coming out on the bottom. Why does the rapist always seem to win?

images (3)

Myths About Being Raped

[This was not written by me, it has been placed for your convenience from:]

http://bluegrassrapecrisis.org/myths-about-sexual-violence/

Myths about sexual violence

We all live in a society where rape is defined and sometimes rationalized according to underlying cultural norms, attitudes, and practices. As a result, when victims are choosing a path to recovery from rape, their fear of a non-supportive response by those around them may be a reality.

When we consider societal views and the common misconceptions surrounding rape, we can better understand the challenges survivors of sexual violence face.

Myth: When someone is raped, they get over it pretty quickly.
Reality: Studies show that recovering from rape can take several years for some. In one study, 26% of survivors had not recovered four to six years after being raped (Koss, 1993).

Myth: There is something wrong with survivors who are still having symptoms and reactions to a rape moths or years later.
Reality: Since so many victims have never discussed the violence with anyone, they frequently continue to have symptoms because they have never had an opportunity to get help. Compounding this, their sense of shame and guilt may increase their symptoms. Sexual violence is profoundly traumatic, and it is completely appropriate for victims’ symptoms and reactions to occur in a dramatic scope parallel to the severity of this trauma. A victim who is experiencing post traumatic symptoms and reactions needs and deserves proper therapeutic intervention.

Myth: Sexual violence survivors usually have immediate medical needs.
Reality: Between half and two-thirds of victims sustain NO physical trauma. Of those who are injured, about half receive formal medical care. Half of all victims who are seen by providers after the rape have some degree of vaginal or perineal trauma. Sexually transmitted diseases occur in approximately 3 to 30% of survivors. Although these medical problems are the immediate results of the violence, many survivors have symptoms and illnesses that affect their lives many years after the violence.

Myth: Most people who are vicitms of sexual violence tell someone about it.
Reality: Studies find that over 90% of women have never told anyone about the sexual assault (Friedman, Samet et al., 1992).

Myth: Many women who “cry rape” are making it up.
Reality: Rigorous research shows that only between two and eight percent of all reported sexual assaults are false reports, which means the overwhelming majority of reports are true (Lonsway, Archambault, & Lisak, 2009).

Myth: A person who is assaulted by someone she/he knows has less to fear than someone raped by a stranger.
Reality: Individuals who are violated by someone they know may have more fears than those who were violated by a stranger. These may focus on concerns about retaliation, betrayal of trust, the perpetrator threatening to harm family members, as well as his having continued access to the victim. Rape by an acquaintance is no less traumatic or real than rape by a stranger.

Myth: Once a rape is over a survivor can again feel safe.
Reality: Most survivors are scarred by the assault. One of the most profound effects of victimization is the loss of safety and autonomy. Following an assault, victims commonly feel vulnerable, betrayed, and insecure about their abilities to be safe from violation again. The rape can effect many parts of life, for instance, the ability to perform at work, the ability to trust others and to form intimate relationships, and the ability to feel a sense of safety.

Myth: Perpetrators need to threaten their victims with a gun or a knife in order for it to really be rape.
Reality: Some rapists use a weapon, but often force is accomplished in other ways. Getting a potential victim drunk or putting drugs in their drink can precede sexual violence. Merely threatening harm is often enough. Even when a weapon was NOT involved, half of all victims state that they feared serious injury or death during the assault (Koss, 1992). By their actions, perpetrators show victims that they have no regard for the victim’s boundaries or body, so it makes sense that victims would fear for their safety and well being in the hands of the perpetrator.

Myth: If someone is drunk and/or uses drugs then they deserve what they get.
Reality: This is actually an old belief that serves to blame the victim rather than understand that a person has been violated. This belief views individuals as either good or bad and excuses the rape. No one wants or deserves to be raped and we should all be safe from violation regardless of our physical or mental condition.

Myth: If someone doesn’t want to be raped, it can’t happen.
Reality: This is based on the idea that we are not supposed to be sexually aggressive so victims “let” themselves get raped as a way of being sexual. People can be forced or coerced into acts they did not consent to, and may be too scared, overwhelmed or confused to fight. They may also assess that fighting off an attacker would increase their danger and decide they are safer to acquiesce.

Myth: People who feel guilty after having sex turn around and say that they were raped.
Reality: Few people (between two and eight percent) falsely cry “rape” (Lonsway, Archambault, & Lisak, 2009). Sometimes we find it hard to believe that a person we admire, socialize with or work with would rape someone. This difficulty often results in blaming the victim or denying that the rape could have happened. The huge pressure victims can feel after telling may make them want to recant the story in order to make all of the problems go away.

Myth: A rapist is a man who cannot control his sexual desires.
Reality: Rape is most often a premeditated crime. It is an act of aggression and sexual violence, not an expression of sexual desire and can be perpetrated by either a man or a woman. The majority of convicted rapists do not rape out of sexual frustration, but for the emotional gratification they received from the act of sexual violence.

Myth: People who blame themselves for the rape happening do so because they did something to provoke the rape.
Reality: One way not to feel like a victim is to feel in control of what happened even if it means blaming yourself. So, after the violence victims often say things such as “I should not have parked there,” or “I should not have gone out with him.” It is a way of believing that if you change certain behaviors you won’t be violated again. This is the same reason many other people blame victims: They want to believe everyone is in total control of their own lives and therefore will not be victimized so long as they make the correct choices.

Myth: There is something very wrong with a woman who would let her husband
rape her.

Reality: This is a variation on the “Why does she stay with him?” question that people ask about a physically battered woman. Relationships are complex, and we now know that when a woman leaves her abuser she is at an increased risk for being hurt by him. Women do not want to be raped, and creating a safe plan for leaving can take time and resources. What she needs is to be asked about the abuse and to be supported and assisted as she works on becoming safer.

Myth: Rape usually involves a black assailant and a white victim.
Reality: Victims and assailants are most frequently of the same race.

Myth: A male cannot be raped.
Reality: The rape of males is believed to be even more underreported than that of females. Males who are raped are typically assaulted by heterosexual men. Male children are more likely to be assaulted by heterosexual men than by women or homosexual men. Very young males are most likely to be assaulted by family members or caretakers. Young teenagers are typically assaulted by authority figures, and young adult males by peers or older adults.

***********************************************************************

I came across this article and website because I am having a hard time getting over my rape. It has only been two months, but it feels like an eternity. I am not doing well at all, and I just want to know when it is going to get better, or start to get better…

images

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑

threesmallwords

I was raped

Fixated To Free

...The Final Journey From Fixation...

518-songofmypeople

A town everyone hates, yet no one leaves...

laurenruiz

la vita e bella

burbuqeraufi

Burbuqe's blog- affirmations, quotes, short stories

Frank Solanki

If you want to be a hero well just follow me

Unspoken Conversations.

Trigger Warning: Mentions of Rape/Sexual Assault.

nicolesundays

humor. storytelling. general stupidity.

mikadO frenzy

health, food/recipes, personal venting/writing, miscellaneous

MakeItUltra™

Psychology to Motivate | Inspire | Uplift

WaveringParisian

Mental health. Self improvement. Life.

Love You More

Live, Love, Inspire

My Story

One woman's story of survival

surviving the specter

Surviving through Depression. "Specter" is the personification of my depression.

crazysobergirl

Sober living in a crazy world

Speaking When the World Sleeps

The blog of a bad survivor

POSSIBILITY IN EVERY OPPORTUNITY

THERE IS NO HARM IN DOING YOUR BEST

overcomeabuse

How I Survived Sexual Assault and Domestic Violence

ShySnail

the unpopular celeb

50-shades-of-abuse

Abuse is Abuse..No and Or But Or In-between

Richardsiaw.com

The unsaid of Africa

Confessions of a Clairsentient

glimpses of life captured through the lens of the heart..

my child within

Healing from trauma

Courage Coaching

HELPING YOU TAKE THAT FIRST STEP

sweety5225's Blog

My thoughts about Depression, suicide and living

trsimplicity

The musing of a country wife learning about farm life, homeschooling and honoring God in my new life.

Light-bites For Your Heart

Seeing God's wisdom shine through every circumstance

Ben's Bitter Blog

"We make bitter better."

Sambrano Times

Alexia Sambrano, editor, writer, intersectional feminist

Certainly Comment

questions concerns comments

Mark Geoffrey Kirshner

Human Rights Advocate and Electronic Editorial Journalist :focus on issuesues of Women s Rights, Human Rights in Iran, Founder: Tenth Wall Defense of Baha'i s in Iran and #TenthWall

PEMBANGUNAN MENERANGI DAN MENCERDASKAN

Jln Gereja Moria RT25 RW06 Kelurahan Liliba Kupang NTT

Sweet Dreams & Rude Awakenings

sweetdreamsxxxrudeawakenings.wordpress.com

Aui's Writings

Read, Write and Heal

Good Time Stories

Inspiring and Heartwarming Stories

%d bloggers like this: