Being raped is on of the worst experiences that a person can live through. The aftermath of rape is equally as terrible. As if being raped isn’t bad enough, the trauma from that event, the memories, the scars….they last forever.
It is bad enough that I am TERRIFIED to leave my house, or work once I arrive there safely. This is my everyday reality.
My roommate left a few days ago, and he won’t be back till next week. I am petrified. To the point where I sleep with a kitchen knife under my pillow.
It is completely unfair. My rapist lives his live unaccountable for his actions, untouched, unharmed, hell, I would not even be surprised if he jerks off to that morning and what he did to me. And I, am cursed to continue to live with flashbacks, nightmares, fear, visions, the inability to concentrate, sleep and eat.
I live every day of my life in fear, to the point where on most day’s, at least once, I become so overwhelmed with fear that I start to shake uncontrollably, and most day’s this happens more than once.
Rape has ruined my life…
raped me. My dreams, flashbacks, sleeping issues, concentration, eating issues, etc. are really not improving much at all. I am beyond exhausted, physically, mentally and spiritually. Feeling like this is new to me (I am not speaking to feeling like being raped…or I suppose maybe in a way I am). By nature I am a happy positive person. In my life, I have dealt with many downs, some very dark and very bad (like everyone). That being said, I have always had the ability to bounce back quickly, see the positive, and not live in despair. I am(or should I say WAS) like that annoying stereotypical happy person that pessimists and people who are in a bad or fair mood detest…lol.
g. I don’t know how to focus like this, I don’t know how to stop the nightmares, the flashbacks, the looking over my shoulder, the always being jumpy. I am sinking deeper and deeper into sadness, despair, confusion, and un-expressible emotions. I have never in my life ever been like this and it scares me. If there is one thing I know, it is self expression and communication. This is uncharted territory.
se my soul died that day, yet I have to walk this earth every day in despair with horrible thoughts, feelings, flashbacks and memories that I don’t know how I will ever erase. I am tormented every day, and the thought that he gets to walk around free, not having to admit what he did, no repercussions, a clean record, with the ability to do this to someone else makes me sick. I am I supposed to have hope when the justice system has failed me, much like it fails most rape victims. I don’t see how it is possible. At least if I had the courage to do something that day, maybe the outcome would have been different, maybe I wouldn’t feel this way, maybe I would start my journey of hope. I just don’t see how that is even possible at this point.
st, nor have I ever kissed him, or ever gave him a verbal inclination that I was ever interested in him. The thing that kills me is that I told him that…THAT NIGHT, that I would never sleep with him..ever! Those were my words! I was in shock and horror that morning when I woke up with no underwear on, to him fucking me! It was like I left my body, so surreal. I was scared, intimidated, and disturbed. I just, froze, I have never felt like that. And I was still so drunk! I just wish so much that I could go back and do things differently. And, I wish that some type of justice would be served!
a very short time, but each and every day, whether I am awake or asleep is a nightmare.I’m afraid to sleep because of the nightmares I get, I am afraid to be awake because of the thoughts, visions, flashbacks, jumpiness, anxiety, and constantly looking over my shoulder. I am devised that I can’t get justice, like so many others, and my rapist walks around free to do the exact same thing to someone else, living his life like nothing happened. I wouldn’t even be surprised if he goes home at night and jerks off to his crime!
e? This plays over and over again in my head on repeat!
I just feel so defeated, and I don’t know. I have never been raped before…let alone by a roommate! I don’t know how to handle this, I don’t know how to proceed! I don’t know what or when to tell people, so I only tell when asked. So why are people so ridiculous when they find out that I have been raped? I have had roommates for years, many many years, and have never ever had a hard time finding replacements or new roommates. What gives? It’s like The havoc that this rapist has reaped on my life is endless and continues to grow every single day! When is it going to end! I mean sure, most things happen for a reason, so clearly none of these prospective people are for me in regards to roommates, but I am reaching the the end here. Rapist who is still on the lease will not pay, I am running out of time and resources to get someone in here. I am just at such a loss!
o not have the money to pay the entire rent. I plan on taking him to court to get all the money, this month and any other months that there might be with no one living here, but that is going to take time. I don’t know what I am going to do?! I also plan to take him to civil court for the rape. He should be held accountable for his actions, and I feel like I am never going to be able to move on until that happens, even if it isn’t criminal, at least it is something and I am not just sitting here letting him get away with rape. His actions are repulsive! Now I am under additional stress financially because of him. He says that this is not “fair” about having to pay rent. Well, it isn’t fair that he raped me. He signed the lease, he is on it until he is removed. Again, this is him avoiding responsibility for his actions. This is what all rapists do! It needs to stop! How know’s how many other women he has done this to, and if he isn’t stopped or deterred in some manner, who knows how many will be next?
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