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A Survivor Not a Victim

Overcoming Rape

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When Is The Justice System Going To Finally Stand Up For Rape Victims?

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When is the justice system going to start speaking up for survivors? !?!

Yes, there are a lot of great rape cases with strong evidence where the victim is too afraid / traumatized or any other of a million other reasons why they don’t want to persue a criminal case. BUT. ..what about the MAJORITY of rape victims,  which the District attorney office constantly refuses to press charges for, despite the victim’s dire want for justice?  Those  (I am am one of them )…those victims /survivors are unfortunately the majority of society.

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When are the district attorney offices going to stand against the beliefs of rape culture and society,  and attempt to gain justice for rape victims?

How are rape laws supposed to change if DA’S don’t persue the “tough cases”. The more “tough cases” they try, eventually,  the more they will win.  This will perpetuate more case law regarding rape,  thus leading to more and more “tough case ” convictions  (eventually. ..obviously it is going to be a struggle and a slow process,  but it MUST start somewhere )

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The way it stands currently,  no one is looking out for victims.  And victim advocates have EXTREMELY limated resources,  connections,  and are honestly not taken seriously.  In my personal opinion,  agencies only deal with them to  “look like they are concerned ” when in reality,  they are not.

It is high time for a change in the justice systems and in the sexual assault units. …when….when are rape victims going to be taken seriously?

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I Came Forward, I Want To Press Charges & The DA Won’t Do Anything

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I was raped by my former roommate on February 14th 2016. I filed a police report.  Within less than 48 hours I was told that the DA would not be moving forward with the case.

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In fact,  I met with the DA this past Tuesday,  and it was confirmed that there was not even an attempt made to get a statement from my rapist.

 

Two weeks ago,  a judge granted a two year restraining order extention against my rapist because  (judges words) “My story was credible”. In fact,  on record and under oath,  the story of my rapist changed”.

I am just outraged.  I have no doubt in my mind that this dirt bag will do this again to someone.  And…..and, he works for the Department of children and families in Massachusetts!  His first day was 2 day’s after he raped me,  so he passed the background check.  When I told this to the DA, he was not concerned.

I refuse to give up, because I KNOW that this rapist knew EXACTLY what he was doing,  and I have  NO doubt in my mind that he will do it again. IF I had even the slightest bit of doubt,  even just a hair…I would drop it. But I don’t.

He didn’t accept no for an answer,  so why should I.  I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure that he can’t do this to anyone else EVER AGAIN!

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Being Raped Has Ruined My Life – I Live In A Constant State Of FEAR

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Being raped is on of the worst experiences that a person can live through.  The aftermath of rape is equally as terrible. As if being raped isn’t bad enough,  the trauma from that event, the memories,  the scars….they last forever.

It is bad enough that I am TERRIFIED to leave my house,  or work once I arrive there safely.  This is my everyday reality.images (2)

My roommate left a few days ago,  and he won’t be back till next week.  I am petrified.  To the point where I sleep with a kitchen knife under my pillow.

It is completely unfair. My rapist lives his live unaccountable for his actions, untouched, unharmed, hell, I would not even be surprised if he jerks off to that morning and what he did to me. And I, am cursed to continue to live with flashbacks, nightmares, fear, visions, the inability to concentrate, sleep and eat.

I live every day of my life in fear, to the point where on most day’s, at least once, I become so overwhelmed with fear that I start to shake uncontrollably, and most day’s this happens more than once.

Rape has ruined my life…

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Stop Saying that Nobody Supports Rape; There Are Lot’s of People Who Do

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I came across this great article by Angus Johnson, click here. For more about him, check out AngusJohnston.com.

His Post: https://studentactivism.net/2015/06/02/stop-saying-that-nobody-supports-rape-lots-of-people-support-rape/

I think this was a great read! I have spoken/debated with people who have come right out and said to me, “Well there is no one out there who actually supports rape”. With all the research that I have done, and continue to do, I know that there are lot’s of people who do support rape, and it makes me sick. It made me feel really good to come across this article and see what I have already read about, so see someone who has also done the research and knows that this is in fact true. And, I really hate to say it, but I love the fact that the author is a man, because I think it just speak volumes! (Since my conversations on this topic have been with men, and them saying that no one supports rape) 

Some great highlights from Angus’s post:

For starters, of course, there’s the fact that rapists exist in society, most of them unpunished. They’re not against rape.

 

Take Dr. Ruth Westheimer, the sex-advice icon. Just moments ago she tweetedthat she’s “100% against rape.” Why did she feel the need to say that? Because in an interview yesterday she criticized campuses for saying that after two people are in bed together naked, a woman can still say “I changed my mind.”

 

This wasn’t a slip of the tongue. That’s a direct quote, and she followed it by saying that “no such thing is possible … I don’t agree with that.” She even went back and said it again later in the show.

 

No means no. Period. It’s not complicated.

 

Please check out his blog and his entire post, the link is at the top of this post.

 

Oh yes, and for all of those who do not know, there are the “Return of the Kings” an international group that condones rape and wants to make it legal. It is headed by Roosh V, he has followers and paid subscribers in many countries, they even do protests.

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How I Feel After Being Raped; The ABC’s

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Awful

Broken

Choked 

Damaged

Emotional 

Fearful 

Guilty 

Hurt

Insignificant 

Jittery 

Kaput

Lost

Mutilated 

Nervous 

Overwhelmed 

Paralyzed 

Queasy

Restless 

Suicidal

Tired 

Undefinable

Violated 

Weak

X – is his name ie THE RAPIST 

Yucky

Zero

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More Debunked Rape Myth Statements

Anti Rape Condom Developed In 2007 Still Not For Sale

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I have heard about this product before. Here is an article about it from 2010….mind you  that the product was developed in 2007

http://www.neatorama.com/2010/01/13/anti-rape-condom-can-help-protect-victims/

Honestly. …WTF? Any hesitation about releasing this product is clearly in line with protecting rapists and the extremely small percentage of men who are falsely accused. And to be honest,  I am almost 33 years old. Almost every man I have dated has or has attempted to pressure me into having sex! (It just depends on the age I was  as to what I tolerated at the time)

2007….2007 is when this was developed by a South African Dr.Now, I am by no means an extreme feminist, but honestly, it is now 2016! Look at the the gender of who runs the majority of world politics….men! And the sad thing is…SO MANY MEN GET RAPED TOO! They could benefit from this device based on all the articles that I have read.

In my opinion I think that most of the people in political power extort sexual favors from people. I think that they have something over them and they give thimages (6)em no option (like blackmail) but to exchange sexual favors. Is that rape? I cannot comment on that because I have not been in that position, but I think that it makes a lot of political
figures and everyday people nervous that if they pressure someone who really doesn’t want sex…”What if they are wearing Rapex?” This is why I think that this product has not been released to the public…men are scared that they will not be able to take advantage of women and vulnerable men anymore.

I know that the other argument is that what if a woman (or man) is trying to “trap” a man. But honestly , that percentage is so few and far between. This is because all those STUPID BITCHES!! Yes, I said it, all you stupid bitches who say no when you mean yes…you are fucked up! Do that in your relationship and sexual play, not with dating and such. Anyway, those , and I really do mean bitches (female or male) would not even be wearing one of these!

It is a shame that in this messed up society and world that we live in, we don’t raise or teach boys and men to respect women and men when it comes to sex (women too, but this product is only for men). So what in the world is the problem with women and men taking the offense when it comes to rape? I understand that this would not actually prevent rape, but is sure as heck would help prove it in a court of law, and help to put away these scumbags!

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Full Of Regret, Guilt and Shame; Can’t Move On

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I am having such a hard time functioning as a human being right now! I am so full of regret and guilt! I wish that I did something to stop him from raping me, anything! At the very least, I wish that I was not to scared or shocked to  call 911 after it happened that morning, or that I didn’t go to the emergency room. If I called 911, or went to the ER, maybe things would be different. Maybe it would have been enough to get him arrested and put on trial.

This is something that I think about every day. How am I supposed to move on without justice, I am I supposed to let this go? He RAPED ME. He took away something so deep inside me. I am not myself, and I don’t think that I will ever be whole again. This crime, it is the worst crime that a person can commit, I think worse than murder, becauseimages (11)se my soul died that day, yet I have to walk this earth every day in despair with horrible thoughts, feelings, flashbacks and memories that I don’t know how I will ever erase.  I am tormented every day, and the thought that he gets to walk around free, not having to admit what he did, no repercussions, a clean record, with the ability to do this to someone else makes me sick. I am I supposed to have hope when the justice system has failed me, much like it fails most rape victims. I don’t see how it is possible. At least if I had the courage to do something that day, maybe the outcome would have been different, maybe I wouldn’t feel this way, maybe I would start my journey of hope. I just don’t see how that is even possible at this point.

I keep having flashbacks about his “defense” in the courtroom when we had the hearing to extend the restraining order. He said that we had a one day relationship. I felt so sick when I heard that, I almost vomited all over the courtroom and cried, but I kept my composure. This….disgusting excuse for a human…this is what he said?!?! I have never even flirted with him in the pa97st, nor have I ever kissed him, or ever gave him a verbal inclination that I was ever interested in him. The thing that kills me is that I told him that…THAT NIGHT, that I would never sleep with him..ever! Those were my words! I was in shock and horror that morning when I woke up with no underwear on, to him fucking me! It was like I left my body, so surreal. I was scared, intimidated, and disturbed. I just, froze, I have never felt like that. And I was still so drunk! I just wish so much that I could go back and do things differently. And, I wish that some type of justice would be served!

I am broken, and I feel that I might be broken beyond repair. Nothing is helping me. I am seeking help, but nothing works. I am so overwhelmed with anguish that I just can bear it.

 

How I Feel After Being Raped; Three Months Later

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Dirty

Scared

Terrified

Lost

Not myself

Anxious

Depressed

Gross

Awful

Terrible

Alone

Ashamed

Victim

Disgrace

Innocence lost

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Lot’s of Men are Rape Victims Too

[ A New York Times Article]
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/01/24/health/as-victims-men-struggle-for-rape-awareness.html  

Men Struggle for Rape Awareness

By RONI CARYN RABINJAN. 23, 2012

24RAPE-jumbo

How a Ball Powers a

This ball harnesses energy from play and stores it for later.

ASSAULTED Keith Smith of East Windsor, N.J., was raped when he was a 14-year-old hitchhiker.CreditMichael Nagle for The New York Times

Keith Smith was 14 when he was raped by a driver who picked him up after a hockey team meeting. He had hitchhiked home, which is why, for decades, he continued to blame himself for the assault.

When the driver barreled past Hartley’s Pork Pies on the outskirts of Providence, R.I., where Mr. Smith had asked to be dropped off, and then past a firehouse, he knew something was wrong.

“I tried to open the car door, but he had rigged the lock,” said Mr. Smith, of East Windsor, N.J., now 52. Still, he said, “I had no idea it was going to be a sexual assault.”

Even today, years after the disclosure of the still-unfolding child abuse scandal in the Catholic Church and the arrest of a former Pennsylvania State University assistant football coach accused of sexually abusing boys,rape is widely thought of as a crime against women.

Until just a few weeks ago, when the federal government expanded its definition of rape to include a wider range of sexual assaults, national crime statistics on rape included only assaults against women and girls committed by men under a narrow set of circumstances. Now they will also include male victims.

While most experts agree women are raped far more often than men, 1.4 percent of men in a recent national survey said they had been raped at some point. The study, by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, found that when rape was defined as oral or anal penetration, one in 71 men said they had been raped or had been the target of attempted rape, usually by a man they knew. (The study did not include men in prison.)

And one in 21 said they had been forced to penetrate an acquaintance or a partner, usually a woman; had been the victim of an attempt to force penetration; or had been made to receive oral sex.

Other estimates have run even higher. A Department of Justice report found that 3 percent of men, or one in 33, had been raped. Some experts believe that one in six men have experienced unwanted sexual contact of some kind as minors.

But for many men, the subject is so discomfiting that it is rarely discussed — virtually taboo, experts say, because of societal notions about masculinity and the idea that men are invulnerable and can take care of themselves.

“We have a cultural blind spot about this,” said David Lisak, a clinical psychologist who has done research on interpersonal violence and sexual abuse and is a founding board member of 1in6, an organization that offers information and services to men who had unwanted or abusive sexual experiences as children.

“We recognize that male children are being abused,” Dr. Lisak said, “but then when boys cross some kind of threshold somewhere in adolescence and become what we perceive to be men, we no longer want to think about it in this way.”

Even when high-profile cases dominate the news, said Mai Fernandez, executive director of the National Center for Victims of Crime advocacy organization in Washington, “attention goes to the things we feel more comfortable talking about — such as whether Penn State had done enough, and what will happen to their football program — and not to the question, ‘What do we do to prevent boys from being sexually assaulted?’ ”

In an interview with The Washington Post this month, Joe Paterno, the Penn State football coach who was fired after the abuse scandal erupted and who died of lung cancer on Sunday, said that when an assistant had told him about witnessing an inappropriate encounter between a young boy and Jerry Sandusky, the former assistant coach who is facing charges of sexual abuse, he had been confused and unsure how to proceed. Mr. Paterno said the assistant “didn’t want to get specific. And to be frank with you, I don’t know that it would have done any good, because I never heard of, of rape and a man.”

Much of the research on the sexual assault of men has focused on prisons. But men are also raped outside of prison, usually by people they know, including acquaintances and intimate partners, but occasionally by complete strangers. They are raped as part of violent, drunken or drug-induced assaults; war crimes; interrogations; antigay bias crimes; and hazing rites for male clubs and organizations, like fraternities, and in the military.

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NIGHTMARES Keith Smith “was waking up screaming” for years after his rape, he said.CreditMichael Nagle for The New York Times

In one study of 3,337 military veterans applying for disability benefits forpost-traumatic stress disorder, 6.5 percent of male combat veterans and 16.5 percent of noncombat veterans reported either in-service or post-service sexual assault. (The rates were far higher for female veterans, 69.0 percent and 86.6 percent respectively.)

A Pentagon report released on Thursday found a 64 percent increase in sexual crimes in the Army since 2006, with rape, sexual assault and forcible sodomy the most frequent violent sex crimes committed last year; 95 percent of all victims were women.

Some studies have reported that the risk of rape is greatest for men who are young, are living in poverty or homeless, or are disabled or mentally ill. The C.D.C. study found that one-quarter of men who had been raped were assaulted before they were 10 , usually by someone they knew.

And young men raised by poor single mothers are especially vulnerable to male predators, said Dr. Zane Gates, an internist who cares for low-income patients on Medicaid at a community health center in Altoona, Pa.

“You’re looking for a male figure in your life desperately, and you’ll give anything for that,” he said.

Eugene Porter, a therapist in Oakland, Calif., and the author of the book “Treating the Young Male Victim of Sexual Assault,” said that while some assailants seek power and dominance, others “find that aggression enhances their sexual experience.”

“There is no arena in which rape takes place between men and women that it does not take place between men and men,” he said.

Like women, men who are raped feel violated and ashamed and may become severely depressed or suicidal. They are at increased risk forsubstance abuse, problems with interpersonal relationships, physical impairments, chronic pain, insomnia and other health problems.

But men also face a challenge to their sense of masculinity. Many feel they should have done more to fight off their attackers. Since they may believe that men are never raped, they may feel isolated and reluctant to confide in anyone. Male rape victims may become confused about their sexual orientation or, if gay and raped by a man, blame their sexual orientation for the rape.

“If you’re sexually assaulted, there’s this idea that you’re no longer a man,” said Neil Irvin, executive director of the organization Men Can Stop Rape. “The violence is ignored, and your sexual orientation and gender are confronted.”

Many rape crisis centers — which often also provide services for victims of domestic violence — do not have the resources to counsel male victims. Remarkably few male victims seek professional help for injuries, screening for sexually transmitted diseases or counseling after an attack, often waiting years or decades.

One study of 705 men in Virginia found that 91, or 13 percent, had been sexually assaulted, a vast majority of them before they turned 18. Fewer than one-fifth of victims had ever received professional services related to the assault.

“Men are affected — they have high rates of P.T.S.D. and depression — but the majority don’t get help,” said Dr. Saba W. Masho, the lead author of the Virginia study and an associate professor of epidemiology and community health at Virginia Commonwealth University. “It’s easy for you and I to talk about it, but when you put yourself in that victim’s shoes, they’re asking, ‘Do I want people to know? How do I seek help? Do I want my doctor to know? Where do I go?’ ”

Mr. Smith told his older brother and father about what had happened as soon as he got home, and the three went to the police to file a report. Mr. Smith had memorized the license plate number of the car, and the owner, who was known to the police because of a conviction for distributing pornography, was arrested. He was killed on the streets of Providence before he could stand trial.

Today, Mr. Smith is a member of the speakers bureau for Rainn, the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network, which provides online counseling for victims. For years, he said, he suffered from nightmares in which he was fleeing his assailant’s car, scared that the man, who had handed him $10 and dropped him off almost three hours after picking him up, was coming back.

“I was waking up screaming,” he said.


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These 4 Questions Got 120 Men To Admit To Rape

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When I reported my rape, the detectives did not even question my rapist! While attempting to research what the reason is that they would not do that, I came across the article below:

http://www.upworthy.com/whoa-4-questions-that-got-120-rapists-to-admit-they-were-rapists-5

It poses these four exact questions  for the study that was conducted;

***The exact questions asked in the study were:

  1. Have you ever been in a situation where you tried, but for various reasons did not succeed, in having sexual intercourse with an adult by using or threatening to use physical force (twisting their arm, holding them down, etc.) if they did not cooperate?
  2. Have you ever had sexual intercourse with someone, even though they did not want to, because they were too intoxicated (on alcohol or drugs) to resist your sexual advances (e.g., removing their clothes)?
  3. Have you ever had sexual intercourse with an adult when they didn’t want to because you used or threatened to use physical force (twisting their arm; holding them down, etc.) if they didn’t cooperate?
  4. Have you ever had oral sex with an adult when they didn’t want to because you used or threatened to use physical force (twisting their arm; holding them down, etc.) if they didn’t cooperate?

Check out thimagese link. When initially asked to the group of men who all (of course) said that they have never raped anyone ever. But when phrased with those exact words above, 120 of them answered YES.

This is truly appalling to me! When in the hell are things going to change, and what makes people think that they have the right to do any of the things in the above mentioned questions to someone else!?!?!

 

Another article relating to this:

http://www.washingtoncitypaper.com/blogs/sexist/2009/11/12/rapists-who-dont-think-theyre-rapists/

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Potty-Mouth Princesses Part 2: Girls F-Bomb Domestic Violence by FCKH8.com

Now, from the first time I saw these video’s, I loved them. This was quite some time ago. I understand that there is a lot of controversy about these videos and the “little swearing girls” but that is exactly why I like them. And this was way prior to my rape.

People who do not like these, or who choose to only listen to the swears and not the message are directly exhibiting what society does as a whole – when the issue of domestic violence and rape is put right in their faces, they find something else to focus on, and ignore the main issue at hand.

 

 

Did You Know Ther Are Pro Rape Groups?

Today I was at work doing a bit of research about a protest that took place earlier this week in front of my office,  that led to protesters coming into the lobby of the office building and chaining themselves to our benches.  (This had nothing to do with rape )

But, while trying to gain insight as to why my building was targeted,  I saw an article  (that I didn’t click on at the time,  I waited till I got home to investigate ) about a pro rape rally from February.

Apparently,  there is a group called “The Return of the Kings ” they have a website,  and their leader is a pro rape blogger,  Roosh V.

In February this year,  2016,  Roosh V along with the Return of the Kings coordinated 165 events in 43 countries.

Now, all or most of these ended up being canceled because Roosh “could not insure the safety and privacy of his followers “. A hack group called  “We Are Anonymous ” publicly displayed his residential information on Facebook.

What do I think about that?  Good!! Considering what I have read about this dirt bag and what he has to say. Especially about trying to make rape legal on private property.

I went to the FB page of “We Are Anonymous “. Turns out  (actually they tweeted his info on twitter ) FB removed the post,  well, the connecting link.

This is my thoughts. …I feel that is a wrong move on FB. If this scumbag wants to do all this, and say what he is spewing,  then why can’t We Are Anonymous  put his info out there? Freedom of speech!  I say, this makes FB look like they condone rape and Roosh’s antics.

It makes me sick!

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Why Rape and Trauma Survivors Have Fragmented and Incomplete Memories

***This article was not written by me, it was posted for your convenience from:

http://time.com/3625414/rape-trauma-brain-memory/

 

Why Rape and Trauma Survivors Have Fragmented and Incomplete Memories

Jay Paul—Getty ImagesThe Phi Kappa Psi fraternity house is seen on the University of Virginia campus on December 6, 2014 in Charlottesville, Virginia.

James Hopper, Ph.D., trains investigators, prosecutors, judges and military commanders on the neurobiology of sexual assault. David Lisak, Ph.D., is a forensic consultant, researcher, national trainer and the board president of 1in6.

In the midst of assault, the brain’s fear circuitry takes over while other key parts are impaired or even effectively shut down. This is the brain reacting to a life-threatening situation just the way it is supposed to

A door opens and a police officer is suddenly staring at the wrong end of a gun. In a split second, his brain is hyper-focused on that gun. It is very likely that he will not recall any of the details that were irrelevant to his immediate survival: Did the shooter have a moustache? What color was the shooter’s hair? What was the shooter wearing?

The officer’s reaction is not a result of poor training. It’s his brain reacting to a life-threatening situation just the way it is supposed to—just the way the brain of a rape victim reacts to an assault. In the aftermath, the officer may be unable to recall many important details. He may be uncertain about many. He may be confused about many. He may recall some details inaccurately. Simultaneously, he will recall certain details – the things his brain focused on – with extraordinary accuracy. He may well never forget them. All of this, too, is the human brain working the way it was designed to work.

Last week, Rolling Stone issued a note about their story of a gang rape at the University of Virginia after reports surfaced of discrepancies in the victim’s accounting. We cannot comment on that particular and clearly complex case without knowing the facts. But in our training of police investigators, prosecutors, judges, university administrators and military commanders, we’ve found that it’s helpful to share what’s known about how traumatic experiences affect the functioning of three key brain regions.

First, let’s consider the prefrontal cortex. This part of our brain is responsible for “executive functions,” including focusing attention where we choose, rational thought processes and inhibiting impulses. You are using your prefrontal cortex right now to read this article and absorb what we’ve written, rather than getting distracted by other thoughts in your head or things going on around you. But in states of high stress, fear or terror like combat and sexual assault, the prefrontal cortex is impaired – sometimes even effectively shut down – by a surge of stress chemicals. Most of us have probably had the experience of being suddenly confronted by an emergency, one that demands some kind of clear thinking, and finding that precisely when we need our brain to work at its best, it seems to become bogged down and unresponsive. When the executive center of the our brain goes offline, we are less able to willfully control what we pay attention to, less able to make sense of what we are experiencing, and therefore less able to recall our experience in an orderly way.

Inevitably, at some point during a traumatic experience, fear kicks in. When it does, it is no longer the prefrontal cortex running the show, but the brain’s fear circuitry – especially the amygdala. Once the fear circuitry takes over, it – not the prefrontal cortex – controls where attention goes. It could be the sound of incoming mortars or the cold facial expression of a predatory rapist or the grip of his hand on one’s neck. Or, the fear circuitry can direct attention away from the horrible sensations of sexual assault by focusing attention on otherwise meaningless details. Either way, what gets attention tends to be fragmentary sensations, not the many different elements of the unfolding assault. And what gets attention is what is most likely to get encoded into memory.

The brain’s fear circuitry also alters the functioning of a third key brain area, the hippocampus. The hippocampus encodes experiences into short-term memory and can store them as long-term memories. Fear impairs the ability of the hippocampus to encode and store “contextual information,” like the layout of the room where the rape happened. Fear also impairs its ability to encode time sequencing information, like whether the perpetrator ripped off a shirt before or after saying “you want this.”

Our understanding of the altered functioning of the brain in traumatic situations is founded on decades of research, and as that research continues, it is giving us a more nuanced view of the human brain “on trauma.” Recent studies suggest that the hippocampus goes into a super-encoding state briefly after the fear kicks in. Victims may remember in exquisite detail what was happening just before and after they realized they were being attacked, including context and the sequence of events. However, they are likely to have very fragmented and incomplete memories for much of what happens after that.

These advances in our understanding of the impact of trauma on the brain have enormous implications for the criminal justice system. It is not reasonable to expect a trauma survivor – whether a rape victim, a police officer or a soldier – to recall traumatic events the way they would recall their wedding day. They will remember some aspects of the experience in exquisitely painful detail. Indeed, they may spend decades trying to forget them. They will remember other aspects not at all, or only in jumbled and confused fragments. Such is the nature of terrifying experiences, and it is a nature that we cannot ignore.

James Hopper, Ph.D., is an independent consultant and Instructor in Psychology in the Department of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. He trains investigators, prosecutors, judges and military commanders on the neurobiology of sexual assault. David Lisak, Ph.D., is a forensic consultant, researcher, national trainer and the board president of 1in6, a non-profit that provides information and services to men who were sexually abused as children.

 

 

Is It Bad I Would Rather Have Dreams About This?

So I was scrolling through FB, and my lil pups were begging for attention. I happen to stop scrolling and this picture of a beautiful woman holding flowers  posted by “Buckle Up Bitches” was what was visible, the words in the post were “sleep tight”.

As you will will notice there is a delay in what happens to the picture, I must have looked away seconds before it changed to give my two fur-balls some love. When the screen eventually caught my eye….it was mid the part of the picture that had “changed”….horrifying! I mean, number one, you are not expecting it, and number tow, I like terrifying disturbing things (like/don’t like but am drawn to them). The more you watch and analyze it, the more disturbing it becomes! Definitely something to give me or a lot of people nightmares.

That being said, I would rather have this image flash through my head on a daily basis, and have it’s face haunt my dreams every night than what currently does….the face of my rapist.

 

Myths About Being Raped

[This was not written by me, it has been placed for your convenience from:]

http://bluegrassrapecrisis.org/myths-about-sexual-violence/

Myths about sexual violence

We all live in a society where rape is defined and sometimes rationalized according to underlying cultural norms, attitudes, and practices. As a result, when victims are choosing a path to recovery from rape, their fear of a non-supportive response by those around them may be a reality.

When we consider societal views and the common misconceptions surrounding rape, we can better understand the challenges survivors of sexual violence face.

Myth: When someone is raped, they get over it pretty quickly.
Reality: Studies show that recovering from rape can take several years for some. In one study, 26% of survivors had not recovered four to six years after being raped (Koss, 1993).

Myth: There is something wrong with survivors who are still having symptoms and reactions to a rape moths or years later.
Reality: Since so many victims have never discussed the violence with anyone, they frequently continue to have symptoms because they have never had an opportunity to get help. Compounding this, their sense of shame and guilt may increase their symptoms. Sexual violence is profoundly traumatic, and it is completely appropriate for victims’ symptoms and reactions to occur in a dramatic scope parallel to the severity of this trauma. A victim who is experiencing post traumatic symptoms and reactions needs and deserves proper therapeutic intervention.

Myth: Sexual violence survivors usually have immediate medical needs.
Reality: Between half and two-thirds of victims sustain NO physical trauma. Of those who are injured, about half receive formal medical care. Half of all victims who are seen by providers after the rape have some degree of vaginal or perineal trauma. Sexually transmitted diseases occur in approximately 3 to 30% of survivors. Although these medical problems are the immediate results of the violence, many survivors have symptoms and illnesses that affect their lives many years after the violence.

Myth: Most people who are vicitms of sexual violence tell someone about it.
Reality: Studies find that over 90% of women have never told anyone about the sexual assault (Friedman, Samet et al., 1992).

Myth: Many women who “cry rape” are making it up.
Reality: Rigorous research shows that only between two and eight percent of all reported sexual assaults are false reports, which means the overwhelming majority of reports are true (Lonsway, Archambault, & Lisak, 2009).

Myth: A person who is assaulted by someone she/he knows has less to fear than someone raped by a stranger.
Reality: Individuals who are violated by someone they know may have more fears than those who were violated by a stranger. These may focus on concerns about retaliation, betrayal of trust, the perpetrator threatening to harm family members, as well as his having continued access to the victim. Rape by an acquaintance is no less traumatic or real than rape by a stranger.

Myth: Once a rape is over a survivor can again feel safe.
Reality: Most survivors are scarred by the assault. One of the most profound effects of victimization is the loss of safety and autonomy. Following an assault, victims commonly feel vulnerable, betrayed, and insecure about their abilities to be safe from violation again. The rape can effect many parts of life, for instance, the ability to perform at work, the ability to trust others and to form intimate relationships, and the ability to feel a sense of safety.

Myth: Perpetrators need to threaten their victims with a gun or a knife in order for it to really be rape.
Reality: Some rapists use a weapon, but often force is accomplished in other ways. Getting a potential victim drunk or putting drugs in their drink can precede sexual violence. Merely threatening harm is often enough. Even when a weapon was NOT involved, half of all victims state that they feared serious injury or death during the assault (Koss, 1992). By their actions, perpetrators show victims that they have no regard for the victim’s boundaries or body, so it makes sense that victims would fear for their safety and well being in the hands of the perpetrator.

Myth: If someone is drunk and/or uses drugs then they deserve what they get.
Reality: This is actually an old belief that serves to blame the victim rather than understand that a person has been violated. This belief views individuals as either good or bad and excuses the rape. No one wants or deserves to be raped and we should all be safe from violation regardless of our physical or mental condition.

Myth: If someone doesn’t want to be raped, it can’t happen.
Reality: This is based on the idea that we are not supposed to be sexually aggressive so victims “let” themselves get raped as a way of being sexual. People can be forced or coerced into acts they did not consent to, and may be too scared, overwhelmed or confused to fight. They may also assess that fighting off an attacker would increase their danger and decide they are safer to acquiesce.

Myth: People who feel guilty after having sex turn around and say that they were raped.
Reality: Few people (between two and eight percent) falsely cry “rape” (Lonsway, Archambault, & Lisak, 2009). Sometimes we find it hard to believe that a person we admire, socialize with or work with would rape someone. This difficulty often results in blaming the victim or denying that the rape could have happened. The huge pressure victims can feel after telling may make them want to recant the story in order to make all of the problems go away.

Myth: A rapist is a man who cannot control his sexual desires.
Reality: Rape is most often a premeditated crime. It is an act of aggression and sexual violence, not an expression of sexual desire and can be perpetrated by either a man or a woman. The majority of convicted rapists do not rape out of sexual frustration, but for the emotional gratification they received from the act of sexual violence.

Myth: People who blame themselves for the rape happening do so because they did something to provoke the rape.
Reality: One way not to feel like a victim is to feel in control of what happened even if it means blaming yourself. So, after the violence victims often say things such as “I should not have parked there,” or “I should not have gone out with him.” It is a way of believing that if you change certain behaviors you won’t be violated again. This is the same reason many other people blame victims: They want to believe everyone is in total control of their own lives and therefore will not be victimized so long as they make the correct choices.

Myth: There is something very wrong with a woman who would let her husband
rape her.

Reality: This is a variation on the “Why does she stay with him?” question that people ask about a physically battered woman. Relationships are complex, and we now know that when a woman leaves her abuser she is at an increased risk for being hurt by him. Women do not want to be raped, and creating a safe plan for leaving can take time and resources. What she needs is to be asked about the abuse and to be supported and assisted as she works on becoming safer.

Myth: Rape usually involves a black assailant and a white victim.
Reality: Victims and assailants are most frequently of the same race.

Myth: A male cannot be raped.
Reality: The rape of males is believed to be even more underreported than that of females. Males who are raped are typically assaulted by heterosexual men. Male children are more likely to be assaulted by heterosexual men than by women or homosexual men. Very young males are most likely to be assaulted by family members or caretakers. Young teenagers are typically assaulted by authority figures, and young adult males by peers or older adults.

***********************************************************************

I came across this article and website because I am having a hard time getting over my rape. It has only been two months, but it feels like an eternity. I am not doing well at all, and I just want to know when it is going to get better, or start to get better…

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