Search

A Survivor Not a Victim

Overcoming Rape

Category

Hope

Carl-Fredrik Arndt & Peter Jonsson; True Hero’s

Full Article & Video

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2016/06/07/the-swedish-stanford-students-who-rescued-an-unconscious-sexual-assault-victim-speak-out/

 

Carl-Fredrik Arndt and Peter Jonsson are the two young men who came to the rescue of the victim of the rapist – Brock Turner.

What these men did is something that everyone should realistically be doing for one another…looking out for each other. That being said, many people find it hard to get involved; whether it is because they are scared, worried that it is not their business, or that they simply just don’t care.

images (11)

Not only did these hero’s witness and stop the rape in progress, they chased the rapist down and held him until officers arrived. That is just beyond admirable. This world needs more people like these two young men.

While both Carl and Peter initially choose not to comment on this issue, once supports of the rapist began to “bash” the victim, they choose to publicly provide an account of what they saw that night.

 

“We can see that she isn’t moving at all but he is moving a lot. So we stop and think that there is something strange going on,” – Carl Fredrik Arndt

 

“Peter walks over and asks what he is doing and I am following him. When he stand up we see that she still isn’t moving, even the slightest, so we approach and ask something like: ‘What the hell are you doing?’” – Carl Fredrik Arndt

 

When Peter received the letter from the victim he posted it on his Facebook and encouraged others to read it.

“Thanks to everyone, friends and strangers, for all the encouragement and support over the last days and months. At this point I will not publicly comment on the process or the outcome of the trial. However, I do ask all of you to spare a few minutes and read this letter written by the Victim.”

“To me it is unique in its form and comes as close as you can possibly get to putting words on an experience that words cannot describe.” Peter Jonsson

 

Carl and Peter speak out on what the “sex offenders supports had to say” in the attached video (link at top of page). These men are very admirable in my opinion. Even though the rapist got pretty much a slap on the wrist, the sad truth is that if it wasn’t for their actions, the chances of the rapist getting a sentence far less sever to possibly the case not even making it to court is a sad reality many victims have to face every day. 

This woman had all the right circumstances, she wound up in the hospital (though if you read the full story it is devastating that someone had to explain to her what happened to her) she had witnesses. None if this makes it any easier for her at all, but it creates a very strong case for court. Many, like mine, will never make it past a DA’s desk. My point is despite all that, the creep still get’s off easy. Anyone who is a supporter of Brock Turner the rapist, or anyone who has raped is a supporter of rape themselves. I commend Carl and Peter, and all individuals who take a stand in the face of and the fight against rape.

 

images (12)

Me Being Strong And Brave Is Finally Starting To Sink In

images (26)

The above quote has always been a favorite of mine since as far back as I can remember. Since being raped, and disclosing that to people, both people I wanted to , and publicly, before I was ready – in an effort to raise money for The Boston Area Rape Crisis Center (of course it was my choice to do so, but I would have much rather preferred not to) , additionally, having to look for a roommate, they all ask why my roommate is gone, and I can’t lie. While with the roommate situation I start by saying that he was images (24)removed by the court, they always ask why, and I can’t and will not lie about that; for two reasons – 1. I don’t lie…..ever, 2. this is going to be an ongoing court dilemma no matter what way you slice it, that I am going to make sure on, so any future roommate will/could potently find out the real reason. I refuse to be made a liar!

That being said, every single person who has been made aware has said (friend, family, acquaintance, friend I don’t talk with much, or stranger) something along the lines of “That is awful, I am so sorry…xyz…” Now, my next statement is not being made to take away from that. I believe that everyone, even (most) strangers are images (22)genuine with what they are saying. That being said, what I realized today, while speaking with a woman from my local senator’s office was….well, she said(something along the lines of), and there was a preface to this, but,” I think that you are so strong and brave for standing up for yourself, advocating, and fighting for
your self, it is very brave of you and I am glad that you are doing that, and you should keep fighting”.

images (29)

This was not the fist time that I have been told something like this. I have been told similar remarks from family, friends, BARCC staff and volunteers, as well as other services that I have seeked out to help me. I don’t know why it has taken this long, with so many people telling me the same thing in different ways (and even the same words) to believe it, but I am finally starting to understand.

Every day I research about rape. I know that so many victims do not come for
ward, fight, or even talk about it…and I know exactly why! What makes me different? Maybe I should credit the person who molested me as a child? Or maybe I am strong willed, or maybe….I don’t know? There is so much stigma, pain and anguish attached with reporting and fighting, but at the same time, I can’t bear what comes along with being silent.  I pass no judgement on what other victims choose to do because I am not in their shoes, I am not them. I support a victim and their right to choose the best option for them…PERIOD! And to hell with what anyone else thinks!!! We are not all the same, our coping is not all the same (mine is not good at all right now), and out individual experiences and life in general is not the same. I get it, why people want to stay silent…there are a million and a half reasons. I images (25)personally feel that it is my duty to do something to help to stop rape in it’s tracks the best I can. I don’t know why, I just do.And I plan to be successful with that or at least improving it before my time on this earth is complete.

I am just feeling so grateful for the support from family, friends, acquaintances, strangers, people helping me, followers and readers of my blog, it is all of you who have been driving my strength that I feel like I didn’t have (oh, and I cannot forget, the undying love and affection and extra everything my two dog’s have been giving me since I have been raped…even though that includes their heightened awareness and stress which has lead to more barking than usual….causing me more stress, but I know that they mean well).. If it wasn’t for all of you…equally, I can honestly say that I would not be here today. And for that I am truly
grateful!

 

 

Hoping This Leads To Something

images (17)

 

So…I have a friend who is very, very politically connected. Up until this point, I have not discussed my rape with this friend. I guess I didn’t even think about it. I mean, I can’t even tell what day it is most day’s.

It was only a matter of time that this friend would discover my recent traumatic event on their own; with all the posts on FB about trying to raise money for “The Walk for a Change” and the fact that I sometimes share posts from this blog on my FB. I also have a link to my blog on my FB.

The other day my friend sent me a message saying that they were sorry and that they had no idea. We discussed. It felt good to talk with this friend, a very dear friend of my whom I love so much.

Today, I received a  message from this person, saying that they wanted to reach out to someone that they know (political connection) but they wanted to know what city I am currently living in, as this person will want to speak with my Senator. Of course I obliged.

Maybe this is finally something that will take me one step closer towards the direction of justice! Either way, after reading that message I felt so happy. Happy that my friend cares about me (I know that I have seen countless others that do, but just to add), and happy that they are in a position to actually help, and are using that!! I am just so grateful! I feelings I felt were relief, even though nothing has even happen, the fact that something could just gives me great hope, and the determination to keep fighting with my head held high! And at a time like this, hope is really hard to come by.

images (18)

 

Today Was The Walk For A Change With BARCC

20160410_125228

This morning was the walk for a change,  the 10th annual walk that Boston Area Rape Crisis Center did to raise awareness about sexual assault, and fundraise so they can continue to offer many free services to sexual assault victims.

My sponsor’s and I raised  $500.00!!! This was my first year participating,  and although I didn’t reach my personal goal,  I am beyond thrilled that we raised $ 500.00!

The morning was full of mixed emotions.  I was happy and empowered to be doing something to raise awareness,  help, and try and make a difference; but the sad fact of why I was personally there would not escape my mind.

There was an area that had survivors who made t-shirts depicting their stories on display.  I lost it. It was so sad, but it also made me feel that I am not alone.

I’m happy that I did this,  and I definitely plan to participate in future events!

20160410_125326

Tiny Tanner was not thrilled about the post event photo shoot that I did, but I got a few good pictures. …lol

I Want To Take A Moment To Thank. …

1e3ae26a13795226aeedadf91efa5ef6

Anyone and EVERYONE who follows my blog,  comments and or likes my posts!

I don’t even think you fathom how mudownloadch that it means to me, and how much I appreciate you.Even if my blog is something that you have not been through,  I am trying to not only raise awareness,  but heal. So many of you have amazing comments,  insight,  and blogs!  I LOVE IT!

 

All of you maimageske me so happy.And I don’t think that each and EVERY one of you realize how much you have truly helped me,  and continue to help me.I  only hope that I am doing the same for others out there ♡♡♡

 

 

So THANK YOU.  Thank you so very much!  💖😊

images (17)

 

 

Trying To Find The Will To Stay Strong

images (18)

I have had a very hard week. My grandpa died, the funeral was Monday  (actually,  what we had, you can’t call a funeral,  but that is not relevant to this blog ), the family is in crisis because of awful things going on,  and I still can’t cope with my rape.  I am a mess right now,  just a mess. I still can’t find a roommate,  and I am concerned about work because I have missed so much of it. I am a wreck.  The past few days,  I just want to give up completely!

Sitting on my bed a few minutes ago,  I was thinking about all the people who care about me. Who really care about me and that felt good for two seconds  (I will take it!). I have always been the person who can put myself together and focus on the positive no matter what,  but this has not been and continues to not be the case since February and I find it extremely frustrating.

images (19)

Then I looked at my two dog’s.  They were both staring up at me with their big almond shaped eyes. They know that I have not been well,  as I can tell by the beyond extra love they have been giving me.  I  love dog’s ( especially mine) because they are so intuitive.  And all they want is love,  and to make you happy.  They have been a big help for me.

My oldest,  has previously been banned from sleeping in the bed for almost a year because he kept peeing in it (he is old ) and he was given chances,  but I couldn’t take it anymore.  A few days ago I was so sad, I decided to let him sleep in the bed. (He loves to put his forehead on my forehead,  especially when I am feeling down ). So far,  no accidentes thankfully.  In fact,  I woke up the other night.  I  sleep in a queen bed.  My old boy is 10lbs,  the baby is 6lbs.  I woke up,  the older one was pushed up as close as possible on my back,  the baby, nestled on my back side in my neck…and I  was on the edge of the bed…..lol…literally.

If I can’t be strong for myself,  I have to be strong for these two. Their undying love and loyalty,  and literally always here for me the way that isn’t possible for any human to be. I’m not saying that to take away from everyone who loves, supports,  and is there for me, it’s just dog’s do this on a completely different level that humans can, and vice versa. I am glad that I have bothgoing for me.

 

Who Am I

images (7)

Who am I?  For this I don’t know anymore.

But I am a woman who refuses to remain silent,  that’s for sure.

I was never one to back down in defeate

But the extent of your all encompassing deceit….

I am powerless to educe justice for the crime that occurred.

And how could I,  when it is word against word.

You had me in your sights all night from the start.

You groomed me all evening,  being sneaky and impart.

What kind of justice system do we have

What type of world do we live in

Where the guilty are immediately viewed uncensurable

And the victim’s indictable

I loose countless hours every day and night over these notions

This is not me, how I am, or how my brain typically functions.

Who am I

Who am I  becoming

Right now I am dark, decaying , drained and drowning

I hope I will evolve to someone more triumphing

images (9)

First Paint Night

I have been trying to force myself to do things, even though I would just rather stay at home in bed all the time when I am not working.

One thing that I had been waiting to do since December is a paint night.  So I looked up the schedule for Boston,  found a painting that I liked and decided to go.  I asked one of my brothers fiancés if she wanted to go with me, because she has done them before.  They had to meet a photographer for the wedding that day and couldn’t change the time.  So I decided to go anyway,  and the two of us will do another one together.

So I get there today,  and walk in. A group of girls in front of me ask where the paint night ( it was afternoon,  but it’s still called paint night ) is, and are told down stairs.  So they go, I  go, and a woman by herself goes behind me.  Since I was always a happy and social person  (before the incident ) I decided to make an effort.  I  turned around and asked the woman if she was here with friends.  She said she was with her boyfriend and asked what about me. I told her that I was alone and why. She said that I  should sit with them. I asked her if she was sure, and she said absolutely!

I had so much fun. She was so nice, so was her boyfriend.  We talked,  laughed,  shared stories.  It was a blast!

When I initially signed up I was super excited. But when it came time to go today,  I didn’t want to.  But I paid for it, so I went.  I am so glad that I did. That was the most fun that I have had in over a month!

And for a few short hours,  I was actually happy! No flashbacks,  no worries,  no anxiety, no thoughts of that morning.

This afternoon was a good afternoon!

20160326_173520

Rebuilding Your Life After Rape

I found this great article

********************************

Becoming Whole Again: Rediscovering Life After Rape

Published Apr 9, 2014

Rape is one of the worst violations a person can suffer, and the scars can be everlasting — but you can reclaim your life.

More than 17 million women and 2.78 million men in the United States have been victims of rape, according to the National Institute of Justice and Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. The pain and trauma of rape are indescribable because rape robs you of your sense of safety, your sense of being in control, and your authority over your own body. Coming back from this place of deep hurt and rage will be very difficult. It is possible to heal after rape and to survive sexual assault with your heart and spirit intact, but the journey of healing will take time, strength, and determination.

Many people compare rape to a sort of death. Your whole life becomes split in two: Life before rape and life after rape. The person you were before the rape might feel distant, unreal, and unreachable. A new person has emerged and may not be someone you even recognize because this new individual is anxious, mistrusting, angry, lost, and in constant pain.

Millions of rape survivors must work through similar distress. A survivor has to sort out her identity and make sense of the trauma. Reaching a place of strength and hope after rape will take time and effort. The healing won’t happen overnight. There are certain feelings that many rape survivors share: You will likely feel shut off from much of your past life.

You might lose interest in things you once enjoyed, and you might discover that you have a whole new set of goals and priorities. You might reevaluate your friendships or relationships with people around you, and you might even decide that you want to move or make another life change. All of these are normal, healthy measures of healing, but it’s important to make sure that you don’t make decisions in haste. It is also crucial to surround yourself with a strong support system and healing activities.

  • Friends and family can help you stay connected to your true self and keep you from losing sight of the person you used to be, and therapy can help you work through your new fears and anxieties as you rebuild your life.
  • Volunteering can also be a wonderful way for you to rediscover a sense of purpose and control. By doing good in the world around you, you can help to combat those feelings of sadness and loss. You might volunteer at a local crisis center or a women’s shelter, or you might volunteer in a field unrelated to your attack, such as an animal shelter or a soup kitchen. By bringing joy and hope to other people, you can help to bring joy and hope back to yourself, and these feel-good emotions will keep depression and anxiety at bay.
  • Exercise is another crucial part of the healing process. Even if you aren’t one for sweating it out at the gym, there is no denying the power of exercise. It is healing to the mind, body, and spirit, and it can help you reconnect with your body and your inner strength in a way that is physical and real to the touch. By pushing your body and finding willpower and strength you didn’t even know you had, you can start to reconstruct your identity and regain control over your destiny. But you don’t have to run on the treadmill or do a boring workout video. Instead, find an exercise that you enjoy on a physical and emotional level, whether that is swimming, softball, dancing, walking, etc. Don’t focus on weight loss; instead, put your focus on strength and personal growth. With each mile you run or each pound you lift, remember that you are in control. And that can feel amazing and empowering.
  • Lastly, make sure to give voice to your personal story. Don’t hide your rape or force down your emotions. Every step you take on your healing journey is an important one and that includes crying. Talking about your rape will help you work through these emotions and give meaning to your story. It is also an opportunity to help others who are suffering through similar circumstances.

http://www.everydayhealth.com/columns/dr-laura-berman-on-love-and-sex/becoming-whole-again-rediscovering-life-after-rape/

images (7)

 

Silver Linings

images (7)

While I am not feeling particularly positive or hopeful today,  I  really wanted to write a post that is less dark.  This blog is dedicated to the gruesome facts, feelings, and results of rape and sexual assault,  but that doesn’t mean everything has to be so gloomy. (This post is dedicated to all silver linings,  not just from rape and sexual assault )

images

I have sat and pondered for a good portion of the day about silver linings to  being raped to little avail. Then since I am an avid researcher, I researched the topic.  The result. … even less examples than what I could come up with on my own. But I am damn stubborn,  so I wasn’t going to let me stop that from making this post.  Although there are not many examples,  I hope that this will help someone,  anyone,  if it helps just one person,  I will be satisfied.

 

#1. REALIZING THAT YOU DO HAVE PEOPLE WHO CARE ABOUT YOU

Now, for me, I actually knew this already,  but so many don’t.  Whether they suffer from depression to begin with,  or something else,  if you are suicidal,  you feel like you are alone.  I have been suicidal  (not from the rape. ..ok, maybe yes , but there was a  time that I literally planned out how I would kill myself,  researched it to make sure that it would not be a failed attempt ). I didn’t go through with it because of my dog’s,  but I never told anyone then how I was feeling.  I  didn’t think that they wouldimages (9) understand,  I was afraid of their reactions.So, I know that every person is not going to necessarily be supportive,  and to be honest,  some people don’t know what to say,  and need their own time to process what you told them.  But that doesn’t mean they don’t support you.  The more I tell people  (and it’s not easy,  I have had to do it very slowly ), the larger my support system grows. And that doesn’t even mean you “have” to talk to them about whatever happened to you after the first talk you have with them. For me, I still haven’t yet because it is too hard.  But knowing that they are there,  that they are really actually there and care just means so much to me.

 

#2 YOU WILL BE STRONGER FROM THIS EXPEimages (5)RIENCE

Now, personally,  I don’t feel this way currently,  but I have hope that someday it will be true. What I went through, what you went through,  what someone else went through,  every situation is different.  This even goes for all situations , not just rape and sexual assault.  Eventually we will be stronger,  wiser and more capable handling anything life throws at us. If we can get through this,  we CAN get through anything.

 

#3 HELPING OTHERS

I have always considered myself to be a caring and helpful person.  For me personally,  this ordeal has invoked something more in me. The aftermath of such a horrific ordeal has caused me to want to be an advocate.  This is what I intend to do when I am physically and mentally capable.I know bad thidownloadngs happen, or people get into extremely dark places. People either deal with it and recover or don’t recover.  People don’t deal with it and don’t recover or do recover.  Becoming an advocate was never something that I thought I would ever do, but when a person goes through something, something that brings a passion that they have never felt,  I urge you to listen to it.  Just one person really can make all the different to someone going through what you went/are going through.

 

images (12)

The Individuals Who Keep Me Going

I am lucky that I actually do have a support system,  even when I feel like I don’t.  It’s my own personal demons in dealing with this horrible situation that make me feel that way.

The truth is, this isn’t easy to talk about with loved ones and with people who care about me. And if the situation were reversed,  I don’t know what I would do except tell the person that I care about them, and that I am and will be there for them in anyway they need me.

Rape doesn’t just affect the victim,  it affects their loved ones and everyone who cares about them. It is just a hard situation all around.

So while I have been slowly telling people close to me one by one,  because it is just too overwhelming to do it all at once, immediately,  it still isn’t easy,  and I still don’t like to talk about it

Everyone so far has been amazing,  and I don’t at all want to take away from that with what I am about to say next.

So while it is important to have a support system,  relying on other people 27/7 is simply unrealistic. It’s just a fact of life.  I know that people might not be available at 3 in the morning when I am having a breakdown,  or a another time on any given day because everyone has things going on in their lives.  This doesn’t mean that they are not there for me, they are,  and I know that they will continue to be.  I  do have realistic expectations.  Additionally,  sometimes I am having a breakdown,  and I don’t want to reach out to anyone because I don’t even know how to express what is going on in my mind.

This all being said,  there are two special lil ones in my life that are, have been,  and will always be there for me 24 hours a day,  7 day’s a week.  My adorable,  sweet,  trouble making chihuahuas.  They know that I am not well.  They have been so sensitive to my needs.  If I didn’t have them, I don’t know where I would be right now.  I am so thankful every day for these two amazing dog’s ( even when they drive me nuts)

They are so full of love and affection.  They really mean everything to me. It’s them combined with the support of family and friends that I will hopefully,  one day, find a sense of normalcy and peace again.

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑

threesmallwords

I was raped

Fixated To Free

...The Final Journey From Fixation...

The Survivor's Hope

Spreading hope and finding resilience through suicide loss

518-songofmypeople

A town everyone hates, yet no one leaves...

laurenruiz

la vita e bella

burbuqeraufi

Burbuqe's blog- affirmations, quotes, short stories

Frank Solanki

If you want to be a hero well just follow me

Unspoken Conversations.

Trigger Warning: Mentions of Rape/Sexual Assault.

nicolesundays

humor. storytelling. general stupidity.

mikadO frenzy

health, food/recipes, personal venting/writing, miscellaneous

MakeItUltra™

Psychology to Motivate | Inspire | Uplift

WaveringParisian

Mental health. Self improvement. Life.

Love You More

Live, Love, Inspire

My Story

One woman's story of survival

surviving the specter

Surviving through Depression. "Specter" is the personification of my depression.

crazysobergirl

Sober living in a crazy world

Speaking When the World Sleeps

The blog of a bad survivor

COMPELLING STORIES ON THE GO

Provide real time stories to people combined with the latest news and analysis

overcomeabuse

How I Survived Sexual Assault and Domestic Violence

ShySnail

the unpopular celeb

50-shades-of-abuse

Abuse is Abuse..No and Or But Or In-between

Richardsiaw.com

The unsaid of Africa

Confessions of a Clairsentient

glimpses of life captured through the lens of the heart..

my child within

Healing from trauma

Courage Coaching

HELPING YOU TAKE THAT FIRST STEP

sweety5225's Blog

My thoughts about Depression, suicide and living

trsimplicity

The musing of a country wife learning about farm life, homeschooling and honoring God in my new life.

Light-bites For Your Heart

Seeing God's wisdom shine through every circumstance

Ben's Bitter Blog

"We make bitter better."

Sambrano Times

Alexia Sambrano, editor, writer, intersectional feminist

Certainly Comment

questions concerns comments

Mark Geoffrey Kirshner

Human Rights Advocate and Electronic Editorial Journalist :focus on issuesues of Women s Rights, Human Rights in Iran, Founder: Tenth Wall Defense of Baha'i s in Iran and #TenthWall

PEMBANGUNAN MENERANGI DAN MENCERDASKAN

Jln Gereja Moria RT25 RW06 Kelurahan Liliba Kupang NTT

Sweet Dreams & Rude Awakenings

sweetdreamsxxxrudeawakenings.wordpress.com

Aui's Writings

Read, Write and Heal

%d bloggers like this: