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A Survivor Not a Victim

Overcoming Rape

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Being Raped Has Ruined My Life – I Live In A Constant State Of FEAR

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Being raped is on of the worst experiences that a person can live through.  The aftermath of rape is equally as terrible. As if being raped isn’t bad enough,  the trauma from that event, the memories,  the scars….they last forever.

It is bad enough that I am TERRIFIED to leave my house,  or work once I arrive there safely.  This is my everyday reality.images (2)

My roommate left a few days ago,  and he won’t be back till next week.  I am petrified.  To the point where I sleep with a kitchen knife under my pillow.

It is completely unfair. My rapist lives his live unaccountable for his actions, untouched, unharmed, hell, I would not even be surprised if he jerks off to that morning and what he did to me. And I, am cursed to continue to live with flashbacks, nightmares, fear, visions, the inability to concentrate, sleep and eat.

I live every day of my life in fear, to the point where on most day’s, at least once, I become so overwhelmed with fear that I start to shake uncontrollably, and most day’s this happens more than once.

Rape has ruined my life…

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Rape

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rape1

noun

1.

unlawful sexual intercourse or any other sexual penetration of the vagina, anus, or mouth of another person, with or without force, by a sex organ, other body part, or foreign object, without the consent of the victim.

This is the definition of RAPE

“with or without force”
“without consent of the victim”
So…then why is our justice system so unresponsive and unwilling to prosecute perpetrators of this heinous crime?!?!
Worldwide – THIS IS A HUGE PROBLEM!
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How I Feel After Being Raped; The ABC’s

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Awful

Broken

Choked 

Damaged

Emotional 

Fearful 

Guilty 

Hurt

Insignificant 

Jittery 

Kaput

Lost

Mutilated 

Nervous 

Overwhelmed 

Paralyzed 

Queasy

Restless 

Suicidal

Tired 

Undefinable

Violated 

Weak

X – is his name ie THE RAPIST 

Yucky

Zero

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Today Is My Birthday…But It Doesn’t Even Matter

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Today is my 33rd birthday…but it doesn’t even matter…I am not even celebrating. I have no plans, I made no plans. I am broken beyond belief because of what he has done to me. No justice, no responsibility, free to do it again to some other woman. I still can’t sleep, can’t eat, I am anxious all the time, jumpy….what is the point on celebrating this year when I am completely destroyed as a human. I don’t even want to be living most day’s. It is not fair and there is nothing that I can do about it. I am so depressed, exhausted, tired of the nightmares, flashbacks and…just living….there is nothing to celebrate!

 

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Brock Turner; Convicted Rapist…Don’t EVER Forget It

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Brock Turner has been convicted of raping an unconscious female behind a dumpster at a frat party. Two fellow male students caught him in the act, chased him down, and held him until police officers arrived on the scene.

Even though Brock Turner was found guilty, he was sentenced to only 6 MONTHS of jail time because it was in the opinion of the judge that, ““A prison sentence would have a severe impact on him. I think he will not be a danger to others.”

Brock Turner’s father want’s people to stop talking about his son being a rapist. He made the statement [in a letter where he was making the argument that his son should receive probation], “His life will never be the one that he dreamed about and worked so hard to achieve. That is a steep price to pay for 20 minutes of action out of his 20 plus years of life”.

Dan Turner (father of Brock Turner) went on to say, “He will never be his happy go lucky self with that easy going personality and welcoming smile”.

Seriously?!?! HIS life will never be the one he dreamed of? HE will never be HIS happy go lucky self? CRY ME A RIVER! He brutally raped a woman, and now just like almost all rapists, he is getting a slap on the wrist with only 6 months of jail time.

The poor victim. At the sentencing, the young woman asked the judge if she could address her attacker, Brock Turner, directly, and read a letter that she wrote. It is heart wrenching. Some things she said were,

 “The next thing I remember I was in a gurney in a hallway. I had dried blood and bandages on the backs of my hands and elbow. I thought maybe I had fallen and was in an admin office on campus. I was very calm and wondering where my sister was. A deputy explained I had been assaulted. I still remained calm, assured he was speaking to the wrong person. I knew no one at this party. When I was finally allowed to use the restroom, I pulled down the hospital pants they had given me, went to pull down my underwear, and felt nothing. I still remember the feeling of my hands touching my skin and grabbing nothing. I looked down and there was nothing. The thin piece of fabric, the only thing between my vagina and anything else, was missing and everything inside me was silenced. I still don’t have words for that feeling. In order to keep breathing, I thought maybe the policemen used scissors to cut them off for evidence.”

On that morning, all that I was told was that I had been found behind a dumpster, potentially penetrated by a stranger, and that I should get retested for HIV because results don’t always show up immediately.

So one year later, as predicted, a new dialogue emerged. Brock had a strange new story, almost sounded like a poorly written young adult novel with kissing and dancing and hand holding and lovingly tumbling onto the ground, and most importantly in this new story, there was suddenly consent. One year after the incident, he remembered, oh yeah, by the way she actually said yes, to everything, so.

Full letter here:

https://www.buzzfeed.com/katiejmbaker/heres-the-powerful-letter-the-stanford-victim-read-to-her-ra?utm_term=.bqRdYBZqr0#.fmjY1r5amy

During an n interview with The Washington Post on 6/6/16 Santa Clara District Attorney Jeff Rosen stated that, “To this day, the defendant denies what he did, Turner “preyed upon” his victim and displayed violence”.

I hope no one ever….ever forgets the name Brock Turner, and the fact that he is a brutal rapist who got off easy. I hope everyone who reads this shares it with someone, or everyone they know so that it will cycle and cycle throughout the media outlets for years to come. So that in the future when others are looking up information, the name “Brock Turner; Rapist” will always and forever be connected as one, identifying him as a rapist for life, because that is what he is, a filthy, disrespectful, depraved, deceitful, and remorseless RAPIST!

 

 

Can’t Even Describe How I Am Feeling

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I know that it has been a long time since I have posted, and that I have not been posting daily as per usual.

I have been in such a dark dark place. It has been just about 4 months since heimages (1) raped me. My dreams, flashbacks, sleeping issues, concentration, eating issues, etc. are really not improving much at all. I am beyond exhausted, physically, mentally and spiritually.  Feeling like this is new to me (I am not speaking to feeling like being raped…or I suppose maybe in a way I am). By nature I am a happy positive person. In my life, I have dealt with many downs, some very dark and very bad (like everyone). That being said, I have always had the ability to bounce back quickly, see the positive, and not live in despair. I am(or should I say WAS)  like that annoying stereotypical happy person that pessimists and people who are in a bad or fair mood detest…lol.

I don’t know how to deal with all that I am feeling, and in certain cases, what I am not feelintumblr_myw1514Y3s1t5u7l9o1_500g. I don’t know how to focus like this, I don’t know how to stop the nightmares, the flashbacks, the looking over my shoulder, the always being jumpy. I am sinking deeper and deeper into sadness, despair, confusion, and un-expressible emotions. I have never in my life ever been like this and it scares me. If there is one thing I know, it is self expression and communication. This is uncharted territory.

 

I have not been able to take pleasure in things that I like since February, and now, I can’t even bring myself to blog. Blogging has been my outlet. I am very concerned about what is happening with me. I am, have been and am continuing to seek help, but nothing seems to be improving. I am anxious about what the upcoming months are going to bring.note_to_myself_i_miss_you_by_velvetlusia

I just really feel that I am broken and damaged beyond repair right now.

The Frustration Continues

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The rapist that I formally lived with is still on my lease. I have had no luck so far in finding a new roommate (it must just be the time of year, as I have never had such a hard time before). I (we, but I got his too) have been served a 10 day notice to quit for the unpaid rent of the rapist for the month of April. March was taken care of by his last month’s rent that he gave upfront. He has stated to my landlord that “Since he is not living at the residence, he do not feel that he need’s to pay).

Well, that is not the way the law works! He is still responsible for rent, and so am I. Unfortunately, if the amount is not paid, the eviction process will start, and if evicted, that will effect us both. I want to stay here, so I am dammed if I do and dammed if I don’t. I have a flawless rental record that I do not want destroyed because of him, but I dimages (2)o not have the money to pay the entire rent. I plan on taking him to court to get all the money, this month and any other months that there might be with no one living here, but that is going to take time. I don’t know what I am going to do?! I also plan to take him to civil court for the rape. He should be held accountable for his actions, and I feel like I am never going to be able to move on until that happens, even if it isn’t criminal, at least it is something and I am not just sitting here letting him get away with rape. His actions are repulsive! Now I am under additional stress financially because of him. He says that this is not “fair” about having to pay rent. Well, it isn’t fair that he raped me. He signed the lease, he is on it until he is removed. Again, this is him avoiding responsibility for his actions. This is what all rapists do! It needs to stop! How know’s how many other women he has done this to, and if he isn’t stopped or deterred in some manner, who knows how many will be next?

I am so depressed, frustrated, and some days I feel like giving up. But then I remind myself that I can’t. I can’t for me, I can’t for his most likely past victims, and I really can’t for his potential future victims. I don’t believe that people who rape only do it once. Sure, maybe it has happened in a very few cases, but in general, these disgusting individuals are repeat offenders. And they are going to do it again. I mean, this disgusting excuse for a human groomed me all night! This was surely not his first offence.

I really hope things start to turn around soon. It is like he keeps coming out on top and I keep coming out on the bottom. Why does the rapist always seem to win?

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Myths About Being Raped

[This was not written by me, it has been placed for your convenience from:]

http://bluegrassrapecrisis.org/myths-about-sexual-violence/

Myths about sexual violence

We all live in a society where rape is defined and sometimes rationalized according to underlying cultural norms, attitudes, and practices. As a result, when victims are choosing a path to recovery from rape, their fear of a non-supportive response by those around them may be a reality.

When we consider societal views and the common misconceptions surrounding rape, we can better understand the challenges survivors of sexual violence face.

Myth: When someone is raped, they get over it pretty quickly.
Reality: Studies show that recovering from rape can take several years for some. In one study, 26% of survivors had not recovered four to six years after being raped (Koss, 1993).

Myth: There is something wrong with survivors who are still having symptoms and reactions to a rape moths or years later.
Reality: Since so many victims have never discussed the violence with anyone, they frequently continue to have symptoms because they have never had an opportunity to get help. Compounding this, their sense of shame and guilt may increase their symptoms. Sexual violence is profoundly traumatic, and it is completely appropriate for victims’ symptoms and reactions to occur in a dramatic scope parallel to the severity of this trauma. A victim who is experiencing post traumatic symptoms and reactions needs and deserves proper therapeutic intervention.

Myth: Sexual violence survivors usually have immediate medical needs.
Reality: Between half and two-thirds of victims sustain NO physical trauma. Of those who are injured, about half receive formal medical care. Half of all victims who are seen by providers after the rape have some degree of vaginal or perineal trauma. Sexually transmitted diseases occur in approximately 3 to 30% of survivors. Although these medical problems are the immediate results of the violence, many survivors have symptoms and illnesses that affect their lives many years after the violence.

Myth: Most people who are vicitms of sexual violence tell someone about it.
Reality: Studies find that over 90% of women have never told anyone about the sexual assault (Friedman, Samet et al., 1992).

Myth: Many women who “cry rape” are making it up.
Reality: Rigorous research shows that only between two and eight percent of all reported sexual assaults are false reports, which means the overwhelming majority of reports are true (Lonsway, Archambault, & Lisak, 2009).

Myth: A person who is assaulted by someone she/he knows has less to fear than someone raped by a stranger.
Reality: Individuals who are violated by someone they know may have more fears than those who were violated by a stranger. These may focus on concerns about retaliation, betrayal of trust, the perpetrator threatening to harm family members, as well as his having continued access to the victim. Rape by an acquaintance is no less traumatic or real than rape by a stranger.

Myth: Once a rape is over a survivor can again feel safe.
Reality: Most survivors are scarred by the assault. One of the most profound effects of victimization is the loss of safety and autonomy. Following an assault, victims commonly feel vulnerable, betrayed, and insecure about their abilities to be safe from violation again. The rape can effect many parts of life, for instance, the ability to perform at work, the ability to trust others and to form intimate relationships, and the ability to feel a sense of safety.

Myth: Perpetrators need to threaten their victims with a gun or a knife in order for it to really be rape.
Reality: Some rapists use a weapon, but often force is accomplished in other ways. Getting a potential victim drunk or putting drugs in their drink can precede sexual violence. Merely threatening harm is often enough. Even when a weapon was NOT involved, half of all victims state that they feared serious injury or death during the assault (Koss, 1992). By their actions, perpetrators show victims that they have no regard for the victim’s boundaries or body, so it makes sense that victims would fear for their safety and well being in the hands of the perpetrator.

Myth: If someone is drunk and/or uses drugs then they deserve what they get.
Reality: This is actually an old belief that serves to blame the victim rather than understand that a person has been violated. This belief views individuals as either good or bad and excuses the rape. No one wants or deserves to be raped and we should all be safe from violation regardless of our physical or mental condition.

Myth: If someone doesn’t want to be raped, it can’t happen.
Reality: This is based on the idea that we are not supposed to be sexually aggressive so victims “let” themselves get raped as a way of being sexual. People can be forced or coerced into acts they did not consent to, and may be too scared, overwhelmed or confused to fight. They may also assess that fighting off an attacker would increase their danger and decide they are safer to acquiesce.

Myth: People who feel guilty after having sex turn around and say that they were raped.
Reality: Few people (between two and eight percent) falsely cry “rape” (Lonsway, Archambault, & Lisak, 2009). Sometimes we find it hard to believe that a person we admire, socialize with or work with would rape someone. This difficulty often results in blaming the victim or denying that the rape could have happened. The huge pressure victims can feel after telling may make them want to recant the story in order to make all of the problems go away.

Myth: A rapist is a man who cannot control his sexual desires.
Reality: Rape is most often a premeditated crime. It is an act of aggression and sexual violence, not an expression of sexual desire and can be perpetrated by either a man or a woman. The majority of convicted rapists do not rape out of sexual frustration, but for the emotional gratification they received from the act of sexual violence.

Myth: People who blame themselves for the rape happening do so because they did something to provoke the rape.
Reality: One way not to feel like a victim is to feel in control of what happened even if it means blaming yourself. So, after the violence victims often say things such as “I should not have parked there,” or “I should not have gone out with him.” It is a way of believing that if you change certain behaviors you won’t be violated again. This is the same reason many other people blame victims: They want to believe everyone is in total control of their own lives and therefore will not be victimized so long as they make the correct choices.

Myth: There is something very wrong with a woman who would let her husband
rape her.

Reality: This is a variation on the “Why does she stay with him?” question that people ask about a physically battered woman. Relationships are complex, and we now know that when a woman leaves her abuser she is at an increased risk for being hurt by him. Women do not want to be raped, and creating a safe plan for leaving can take time and resources. What she needs is to be asked about the abuse and to be supported and assisted as she works on becoming safer.

Myth: Rape usually involves a black assailant and a white victim.
Reality: Victims and assailants are most frequently of the same race.

Myth: A male cannot be raped.
Reality: The rape of males is believed to be even more underreported than that of females. Males who are raped are typically assaulted by heterosexual men. Male children are more likely to be assaulted by heterosexual men than by women or homosexual men. Very young males are most likely to be assaulted by family members or caretakers. Young teenagers are typically assaulted by authority figures, and young adult males by peers or older adults.

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I came across this article and website because I am having a hard time getting over my rape. It has only been two months, but it feels like an eternity. I am not doing well at all, and I just want to know when it is going to get better, or start to get better…

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The Fucking By My Rapist Continues

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You violated my body,  deep down to the depths of my soul.

You didn’t care that I said I would never sleep with you,  how long were you planning this? I don’t know?

You’re mad because the court removed you from the apartment,  and with good reason they had

But guess what buddy,  you are still on the lease,  you are responsible for payment , that is legal, so too bad.

Until I find a roommate,  that responsibility is yours

Whether you find it fair or not , ignored will be your deplores.

And should things go awry, and the landlord decides to vacate

Don’t for a second think that it is only my rental record that is subject to taint

We are both on the lease, so outcome effects us both

Only I get the the shit end of the stick, because of what you did to me, and what I continue to undergo

My life is torn apart, I am broken, tarnished, and on the decline

While you carry on, probably even reminiscing about that morning, jerking off to it, and living the life divine

 

I Just Don’t Know What To Do Anymore

 

I am approaching the end of my rope and I don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t take it, I can’t cope. I have done everything right, and nothing is working out for me. On top of that, I am seeking help, sharing my story, both here, and with family and friends in person, I am seeking counseling, and nothing is bringing ease to my pain and suffering, I am not feeling any better!

I am admits the pit of deep dark and despair, with no hope or glimmer of light. I have been through a lot of tough times in my life (and no, I am not talking about love struggles, but I do know first hand how terribly awful those are and can be), so I am no stranger to dark times. I have always remained positive and came out ok…this time, I am getting worried, I have never in my life felt such despair, such anguish, such….just at a loss of words (which for me is not at all typical!).

I don’t know how much longer I can continue like this. I keep looking at my two little dog’s, the only reason why I have not relinquished hope and given up right now, but it is getting harder and harder to function, live, breathe…..I just don’t know what to do.

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Trying To Find The Will To Stay Strong

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I have had a very hard week. My grandpa died, the funeral was Monday  (actually,  what we had, you can’t call a funeral,  but that is not relevant to this blog ), the family is in crisis because of awful things going on,  and I still can’t cope with my rape.  I am a mess right now,  just a mess. I still can’t find a roommate,  and I am concerned about work because I have missed so much of it. I am a wreck.  The past few days,  I just want to give up completely!

Sitting on my bed a few minutes ago,  I was thinking about all the people who care about me. Who really care about me and that felt good for two seconds  (I will take it!). I have always been the person who can put myself together and focus on the positive no matter what,  but this has not been and continues to not be the case since February and I find it extremely frustrating.

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Then I looked at my two dog’s.  They were both staring up at me with their big almond shaped eyes. They know that I have not been well,  as I can tell by the beyond extra love they have been giving me.  I  love dog’s ( especially mine) because they are so intuitive.  And all they want is love,  and to make you happy.  They have been a big help for me.

My oldest,  has previously been banned from sleeping in the bed for almost a year because he kept peeing in it (he is old ) and he was given chances,  but I couldn’t take it anymore.  A few days ago I was so sad, I decided to let him sleep in the bed. (He loves to put his forehead on my forehead,  especially when I am feeling down ). So far,  no accidentes thankfully.  In fact,  I woke up the other night.  I  sleep in a queen bed.  My old boy is 10lbs,  the baby is 6lbs.  I woke up,  the older one was pushed up as close as possible on my back,  the baby, nestled on my back side in my neck…and I  was on the edge of the bed…..lol…literally.

If I can’t be strong for myself,  I have to be strong for these two. Their undying love and loyalty,  and literally always here for me the way that isn’t possible for any human to be. I’m not saying that to take away from everyone who loves, supports,  and is there for me, it’s just dog’s do this on a completely different level that humans can, and vice versa. I am glad that I have bothgoing for me.

 

Who Am I

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Who am I?  For this I don’t know anymore.

But I am a woman who refuses to remain silent,  that’s for sure.

I was never one to back down in defeate

But the extent of your all encompassing deceit….

I am powerless to educe justice for the crime that occurred.

And how could I,  when it is word against word.

You had me in your sights all night from the start.

You groomed me all evening,  being sneaky and impart.

What kind of justice system do we have

What type of world do we live in

Where the guilty are immediately viewed uncensurable

And the victim’s indictable

I loose countless hours every day and night over these notions

This is not me, how I am, or how my brain typically functions.

Who am I

Who am I  becoming

Right now I am dark, decaying , drained and drowning

I hope I will evolve to someone more triumphing

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Wish I Could Just Erase The Horrible Memories

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I’m so exhausted.  Physically, emotionally,  and spirituality.  I use to be so full of life.

I was that women,  where no matter where I go, people tend to  flock to me. Maybe it’s because I always gave off such positive energy,  or that I was always smiling,  maybe I had a light inside me.

I don’t want this disgusting excuse for a human being to be the reason why my light goes out. But it’s just so incredibly challenging to cope.

For example,  today,  one of my favorite clients came in for a meeting.  He came in with two other gentleman.  I was how I would normally be  (they are clients,  and I am trying to be like “normal”anyway at work,  but it is hard.  Especially on 4 or less hours of sleep a night for over a month now). I  smiled,  I  small talked, etc. When they were leaving,  one of the men said, ” Now I know why ******** likes coming here so much ” . That made me feel happy,  and he said it right in front of one of the owners of the company I work for.

But later in the day it made me feel sad. Sad because of all the energy it took for me to have those small, short interactions,  when normally that is just how I am.

I just want to erase my brain from what happened on February 14th.

Watch Why This Man Thinks Rape is Halarious (I was in tears )

I know that my blog talks mostly about women being raped.  I don’t do it on purpose.  I am a woman,  who was raped,  and I talk alot about my experience and feelings.

There are far too many men that get raped,  and I think realistically,  the percentage is much higher than the current estimate.

Please take a look at this video,  it is heart breaking,  it’s a man who was raped.

RAPE AND SEXUAL ASSAULT NEED TO END!

http://9gag.com/tv/p/a5bYDw/why-rape-is-sincerely-hilarious

 

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The Good, Bad, & Ugly of Trying to Get Supporters for A Walk For A Change

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If you follow my blog, you know that I was raped by my roommate,  this year, 2016 on (the early morning of) February 14th.

Trying to cope with this has been and continues to be a major struggle for me.  When I am better,  I fully intend to be an advocate.  And I’m not just talking about helping other rape victims,  I am also talking about changing laws!

But for now,  I can barely function on a daily basis.  When I saw that BARCC (Boston Area Rape Crisis Center,  they have been and are continuing to help me) was having a walk on April 10th to raise money,  I immediately wanted to be apart of it.  That was /is something that I CAN do right now to help others.  So I will be walking with one of my dog’s on April 10th.

Now,  before I say anything,  I want to say that I currently have a lot of people who are supporting me (not for the walk,  I mean in general ) . And for that I am greafull and feel extremely fortunate.

Now,  I am not big on social media.  I have never done anything to raise money before  (except when I was a little girl selling girl scout cookies ). This cause means so much to me.  I am extremely passionate about it.  On Facebook,  there are only 1-3 people that I don’t personally know.  Everyone else is from high school,  college, previous jobs, family,  or friends.

I  thought that since. ..well,  no one supports rape,  that I would be able to get some sponsors.  Well, I only got a few (and I  am  eternally grateful for them!!!) Additionally,  for my first and second post,  I received very. ..very few likes. Now, I know this might sound so high schoolish, but I  normally would never take something like that personally.  First,  let me say, that I am also eternally grateful for! I know that some people cannot give money,  but just liking the cause ment so much to me, and made me so happy.

But of all my friends and family (not direct family,  they are ALL already supportive and have made that known) that support was few and far between.  And I am not just talking about the sponsoring me for the walk.

Last week,  my brother’s fiancé suggested that I say that BARCC directly helps me with my rape. Initially I didn’t want to.  But the 10th of April is coming up and I really want to reach my goal.  So I did.

The result,  no likes, no response,  no supporters  (and of course,  anyone who previously did any of those,  in person,  online,  or supported my walk, this does not apply to ). The thing that upsets me the most  is that it was one thing before I disclosed that I was raped and that BARCC was helping me.  Now that I have and nothing. …this makes me think that these people don’t care about rape.  And if people who personally know me (family and friends ) don’t care, then how in the hell are we supposed to get society to care enough to change the laws and make the consequences of rape more strict, and make it easier to convict rapists.  Look at the statistics,  a very small percentage of rapists go to trial,  and even less are convinced.

And all those who are worried about false accusations and non rapists going to jail. …that is 2% which is the exact same for ALL other crimes, so why can’t we change the laws on rape?

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I am sad and disheartened.  But at the same time grateful for the family and friends who are supporting me through this awful time.  I’m normally not very good at keeping in touch with people.  I have health problems.  I am sick a lot and when I make plans,  I have to cancel a lot. I  have  lost close friends over this.  Going through what I am going through now,  I am never EVER going to forget who is here for me, and I am always going to make an effort to stay in touch.  I  feel very special.

As for the rest,  especially my “family ” (again,  I am NOT talking about my immediate family ) just because we share the same blood. ..doesn’t mean s*#@! If I ever saw a post like I posted from a family member,  I would send them a message.  And of course,  I am talking about active FB people.

 

https://secure.e2rm.com/registrant/FundraisingPage.aspx?langPref=en-CA&RegistrationID=3259670#.VvCJwlZ8Lsc.mailto

DARK AND WITHERING

The joy in my life has ceced

A veil of tenebrosity ensues

What has my life disparaged to

How can one man  incite so much anguish

For a person should not have the kind of power over you

Yet, when a person  defiles you, that assertion does not hold true.

To have your boundaries disregarded is unexplainable to convey

I force a smile for all the world too see

But on the inside I’m withering, and as dark as can be.

 


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