I’m Never Going To Be Ok…Can’t Believe This Happened Today

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Today started off wonderful.  It is sunny and warm.  I was actually happy this morning  (which is very very rare these days ). Around 11:30 I left the office to run to the grocery store to grab something for lunch, and a coupleof other things.

I was almost at the store when walking down the street,  in my direction, was my rapist.  He was with a friend.  The rapist was wearing a light blue polo shirt and sunglasses  (or it was his transition lenses) They were walking, talking, and he was smiling.  I was completely horrified and caught off guard.  Yes, we both work in Boston,  but he doesn’t exactly work near me. I  rushed into the store, then paused to make sure that they were not coming in.

They didn’t. At that point I began to shake, my eyes filled with tears.  I  couldn’t even remember what I was there for. I quickly walked around the store,  grabbed a few things and cautiously and anxiously walked back to the office. I  went to the bathroom and started to cry, and then I began violently shaking. I tried to pull myself together enough to get out of the bathroom before someone walked in.  When I was out of the bathroom, I walked be a coworker  and she asked me if I was ok. I just nodded and kept walking.

One coworker and one boss know what happened to me,  so I grabbed my coworker and told her,  I could hardly get the words out. She took me into a conference room and I just broke down. It was awful.  We talked and she asked me if I wanted her to get my boss,  so I said yes. When my boss came in I was crying and shaking.  We talked,  she also suggested that I call the hotline  (BARCC rape crisis) so I did. I ended up having to leave the office.  I was too scared to take the T, so I called an uber.

I’m so … I don’t even have the words to describe it.  I don’t feel safe,  I’m scared,  a nervous wreck,  and I see his face every day with flashbacks, and most nights in my nightmares. To see him today,  in person,  going about his happy unaffected life….is just a feeling that I can’t even put into words.

2 thoughts on “I’m Never Going To Be Ok…Can’t Believe This Happened Today

  1. Thank you so much. Wow, that is absolutely terrible what you went through when you saw him, and what he said. ..disgusting. Thank you for sharing your story and thank you so much for sending the positive vibes! I whish you didn’t have to go through any of this either. 💖

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I know how you feel, I ran into my rapist in the grocery store a couple months back it was not good. I dropped my basket of stuff everywhere and then he had the nerve to talk to me, to put his hand on my shoulder and say he hasn’t stopped thinking about that night between us. I ran out of the store and then puked. It was not a good day at all. So I understand what you’re going through and I’m so sorry you are having to deal with this. It sucks. It sucks so much and I wish you wasn’t having to go through something like this. I’m sending positive vibes your way. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

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