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Today started off wonderful.  It is sunny and warm.  I was actually happy this morning  (which is very very rare these days ). Around 11:30 I left the office to run to the grocery store to grab something for lunch, and a coupleof other things.

I was almost at the store when walking down the street,  in my direction, was my rapist.  He was with a friend.  The rapist was wearing a light blue polo shirt and sunglasses  (or it was his transition lenses) They were walking, talking, and he was smiling.  I was completely horrified and caught off guard.  Yes, we both work in Boston,  but he doesn’t exactly work near me. I  rushed into the store, then paused to make sure that they were not coming in.

They didn’t. At that point I began to shake, my eyes filled with tears.  I  couldn’t even remember what I was there for. I quickly walked around the store,  grabbed a few things and cautiously and anxiously walked back to the office. I  went to the bathroom and started to cry, and then I began violently shaking. I tried to pull myself together enough to get out of the bathroom before someone walked in.  When I was out of the bathroom, I walked be a coworker  and she asked me if I was ok. I just nodded and kept walking.

One coworker and one boss know what happened to me,  so I grabbed my coworker and told her,  I could hardly get the words out. She took me into a conference room and I just broke down. It was awful.  We talked and she asked me if I wanted her to get my boss,  so I said yes. When my boss came in I was crying and shaking.  We talked,  she also suggested that I call the hotline  (BARCC rape crisis) so I did. I ended up having to leave the office.  I was too scared to take the T, so I called an uber.

I’m so … I don’t even have the words to describe it.  I don’t feel safe,  I’m scared,  a nervous wreck,  and I see his face every day with flashbacks, and most nights in my nightmares. To see him today,  in person,  going about his happy unaffected life….is just a feeling that I can’t even put into words.

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