Today started off wonderful. It is sunny and warm. I was actually happy this morning (which is very very rare these days ). Around 11:30 I left the office to run to the grocery store to grab something for lunch, and a coupleof other things.
I was almost at the store when walking down the street, in my direction, was my rapist. He was with a friend. The rapist was wearing a light blue polo shirt and sunglasses (or it was his transition lenses) They were walking, talking, and he was smiling. I was completely horrified and caught off guard. Yes, we both work in Boston, but he doesn’t exactly work near me. I rushed into the store, then paused to make sure that they were not coming in.
They didn’t. At that point I began to shake, my eyes filled with tears. I couldn’t even remember what I was there for. I quickly walked around the store, grabbed a few things and cautiously and anxiously walked back to the office. I went to the bathroom and started to cry, and then I began violently shaking. I tried to pull myself together enough to get out of the bathroom before someone walked in. When I was out of the bathroom, I walked be a coworker and she asked me if I was ok. I just nodded and kept walking.
One coworker and one boss know what happened to me, so I grabbed my coworker and told her, I could hardly get the words out. She took me into a conference room and I just broke down. It was awful. We talked and she asked me if I wanted her to get my boss, so I said yes. When my boss came in I was crying and shaking. We talked, she also suggested that I call the hotline (BARCC rape crisis) so I did. I ended up having to leave the office. I was too scared to take the T, so I called an uber.
I’m so … I don’t even have the words to describe it. I don’t feel safe, I’m scared, a nervous wreck, and I see his face every day with flashbacks, and most nights in my nightmares. To see him today, in person, going about his happy unaffected life….is just a feeling that I can’t even put into words.