Road to Recovery…When Does It End?

It has been exactly 8 months since I was raped (actually 8 months yesterday because it is after midnight). I am  not doing much better at all, I am still having awful nightmares; the went a way for a couple of weeks, but not for long, migraines are in full swing (this one is 7 days long!) and I miss so much work because of them. I had stopped blogging because all I think about is rape, and I thought that taking a break might help – but it hasn’t.

I don’t want to live in this world anymore

What have any of you survivors who read my blog do/have done that help’s? I don’t know what to do. I need to change my life around, I miss being happy and full of joy, and I want it back. He took so much from me!

I came across this great read: http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/life-after-rape-5-keys-to-growth-and-healing-for-women-0217155

I immediately started crying because of this (in particular the bold)

I rarely meet a woman who has experienced rape and is comfortable using that word. In fact, in my experience most try to avoid it and instead use language such as “I had an incident,” “You could say that he touched me,” or “I had sex with him but didn’t really want to.”

That almost  what I said to my boyfriend via text the day I was raped, and because of that, the police did not take me seriously. I was in shock and horror and…who want’t to say or write that out loud to anyone, let alone themselves or a boyfriend! I said, “We had sex but I didn’t want to”. Not only that but I also described that I woke up and he was on top  of me inside me. But police and DA’s in this country take the word over a Rapist every time.

I have been searching for ways to overcome this, and I see the same things….forgive yourself, blame the rapist, talk to family and friends, exercise, volunteer, therapy….I am having a very hard time finding something that helps. At first, about a month after, I forced myself to go out and do things – be social. Now I don’t want to talk to anyone, I am starting to feel weird around my boyfriend, and  just really wish I could find some answers.I miss…..me….

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7 thoughts on “Road to Recovery…When Does It End?

  1. It takes time…I know that is what you hear from everyone, but it does. Everyone’s healing path is different. The biggest lesson I have had to learn is that the road is long and never linear, and when the emotions come ride them out. Last night in therapy, my therapist said he wished he had the golden answer for me. I know that no one does, it sucks big time that this happened to you. Know that you are not alone. Writing about it, talking about and getting support are huge. You are doing everything right…and it sucks! Hang in there, you are not alone. Big hugs to you!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. My ‘incidents’ happened many years ago, and I still can’t use the actual word. My therapist told me that saying it won’t make it more real. Which I know is true, but the word gets stuck and no matter how hard I try, I just can’t get it out. No one really seems to understand this. Hell, I don’t even understand how one word can be so hard to say. I think there’s still a deep sense of shame that I haven’t been able to get over. I also haven’t really found anything that helps, so unfortunately I have no words of wisdom to share. ❤

    Liked by 2 people

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