By: A Survivor Not a Victim
May 5, 2016
How did it impact your sexual life with your partner if you had one?
And if you didn’t have a partner, how did it impact your love life with your first lover after the incident?
My partner left shortly after I was raped to volunteer out of the country. We had a couple of intimate encounters, but I was still in shock from what happened to me. At this point, I can’t even, hmmm … “have fun with myself. “
They are coming back this month, and I am terrified about what will happen in the bedroom.
A Survivor Not a Victim 
I’m not a rape survivor, but I think what’s most important is being completely open with communication. Having some kind of unspoken concern can be a huge bedroom buzzkill. And there are about a billion ways to be intimate without intercourse as well. Maybe between being open and honest with communication, and attempting different means of intimacy if you’re feeling unsure or uneasy about other activities, you can maybe build up your confidence a bit. You need to focus on you and your feelings, so don’t pressure yourself if you’re not feeling comfortable or confident.
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It wasn’t easy for a while and it was pretty unpredictable. Sometimes it was fine, sometimes I was completely uninterested and shut off, and sometimes I had panic attacks. I wasn’t intimate with anyone until I was with a man I trusted so that made a big difference. If you don’t feel comfortable being vulnerable, you may want to wait. It was pretty intense because I had flashbacks and ptsd. I didn’t overcome what had happened to me right away either, it came in waves. I don’t know if I would have rather it all happen at once in one intense slam until I overcame it or if I am glad it came in waves over several years… this last year being the hardest so far. My husband is very understanding and compassionate, so when I’ve felt indifferent or upset in any way, he worked with me to get through it. Sooo yea… be gentle with yourself. What you experienced was traumatic and no one should make you feel less than in how you deal with it. If your lover isn’t supportive or understanding in your worst moments, you may need to face the reality of that too. I didn’t have the support I needed until later, and that support is how you care for you. Surround yourself with people who will help you get through this. So sorry you are having to get through anything… my heart hurts for you but you’re doing great as you work to overcome this! You are a fighter! ♥
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