Since my rape on February 14, 2016, I have been experiencing horrific nightmares! Sometimes they are about him, other times they are are about men that I know raping me, but last night was the most disturbing nightmare that I have ever had in my life!! EVER!
I can still vividly remember every detail, sight, sound, feeling, taste, emotion. Pardon my language, but it was fucking horrifying!! Initially I was going to write in detail about it, but first of all, no one needs to hear about it, two, I am sure that plenty of people have actually been through something like it, for real, thankfully mine was just a dream, although it truly felt real.
To give a very brief summary, it was a kidnapping gang rape. It was like it was actually happening and I could not wake up! I actually had an appointment with my counselor yesterday, yet this nightmare chapped last night, so I didn’t even get to talk with her about it. I know with dreams, usually you tend to forget the details as the day goes on….so not the case here, I could write a full in-depth report on this nightmare. I can still hear the voices, feel being brutalized, taste what I cannot even begin to talk about. It was horrifying and traumatizing.
I just got off the phone with the rape crisis hotline. She was very helpful and gave me some suggestions to help me sleep tonight (last night. ..I fell asleepwhile trying to finish this post so yeah!). However, my fear is that my subconscious mind is going to pick up where it left off an that scares me. I am terrified to fall asleep still.
Why do I continue to have dreams like this, and why are they getting progressively worse? I do not understand?
A Survivor Not a Victim 