Since I was raped on February 14th this year  (2016) I have been suffering from major anxiety,  PTSD,  suicidal thoughts and so much more.  About two weeks ago,  I passed my rapist on the street.  I had a panic attack ( which I have never experienced in my life).

Since then,  I have been even more anxious  (which I didn’t even think was possible. …but it is ) and paranoid. I am afraid to leave my house.  I don’t feel safe.  When I leave to go to work,  the whole  (15 minute trip ) is a nightmare!  All my muscles tense up, my heart pounds out of my chest,  my stomach hurts. ..and I want to cry. I work on a locked floor,  so in my office,  I feel safe.  But, I have to run errands daily.  This has proven to be a struggle.  The same feelings that I get on my way to work I feel,  only times three! ! I walk around Boston now with my camera open in fear of seeing him again.

Some day’s I feel like I am going to pass on on the street.

Today,  after work,  I was on my way to counseling.  I stopped at the T to have a clove.  I am an empath. All of the sudden I felt like someone was staring at me so I looked around.  It was this man…

 

You will notice that he is of Indian descent,  like my rapist,  carrying a conspicuous “suitcase “.  I stared at him while he was on the phone. ..and watched him for about 15 minutes.  He was DEFINITELY staring at me. I snapped a few pictures…the one on the phone   (so if I ever end up dead. … fyi).

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I  have learned the hard way to trust my gut. In college,  I was walking home from the T, I got a feeling that someone was following me. But since I lived close to the T, I told myself that I was worrying about nothing.  He actually was following me, stopped me and prevented me from going into the gate of my house.

And that is not the only time I ignored my intuition.

I am in fear of my well being,  my life, and I wish that the fucking sexual assault unit in Boston actually invistigated my rape.

I don’t know what to do.

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