Dealing With Rape

By: A Survivor Not a Victim
March 19, 2016

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I just read a great write-up about dealing with rape. It’s a great reminder to read over and over, especially on the really tough days (which for me right now is every day ).

Last night, I had my brother and his fiancé over for dinner. Although he had previously put two and two together, I hadn’t told him what happened. My family and I are close, but telling everyone right away was way too much for me to handle.

So I told him all about it. His fiancé had fallen asleep (because dinner was taking forever and it was late). When I later realized that she didn’t hear the conversation, I decided to tell her, too.

She gave me amazing feedback, but she made me realize (and this relates to the link below ) that I clearly keep blaming myself. I was telling her things my roommate had said to me in the past that now, looking back, I could have taken as a warning. She said that if she had a male roommate and he said those things, she would never think that he was a rapist. I went on to explain what happened that night. 

Then, I started to go back over it in detail. She politely interrupted me and said that it sounded like I was able to go into detail about all the things that I could have done differently (which I was ). Then she said, “If that is where you are going with this, I don’t want to hear it because no matter what, this is not your fault, period. It’s his, he raped you. You are not at fault.” That part of our conversation has really stuck with me. I have been thinking about it all day, and I’m so happy that I told my brother (he was extremely supportive as well) and his fiancé; she really made me think. And every day, I go over in my head how I could have prevented this. But even one night, I was on the rape crisis hotline having a breakdown, and the woman told me that it wasn’t my fault and that if I wanted to, I could walk down the street naked, and it doesn’t give anyone the right to rape me. When I went to sleep, I was not naked, but when I woke up to him raping me, he had removed my underwear.

I’m happy I came across that post because it has many other great things to remember and keep in mind; But I’m even more thankful for last night.