I just read a great write-up about dealing with rape (link below ). It’s a great reminder to read over and over, especially on the really tough day’s (which for me right now is every day ).
Last night I had my youngest brother and his fiancé over for dinner. Although he had previously put two and two together, I hadnot yet told him what happened. My family and I are close, but telling everyone immediately was just way too much for me to handle.
So I told him all about it. His fiancé had fallen asleep (because dinner was taking forever! !!! Lol…and it was late). When I realized later that she didn’t hear any of the conversation, I decided to tell her too.
She gave me amazing feedback, but what she made me realize (and this relates to the link below ) is that I clearly keep blaming myself. I was telling her things my roommate had said to me in the past, that now looking back I could have taken as a warning. She said that if she had a male roommate and he said those things, she would never think that he was a rapist. I went on explaining what happened that night. Then I started to go back over it in detail. She politely inturuped me and said that it sounds like I was able to go into detail about all the things that I could have done different (which I was ). Then she said, if that is where you are going with this, I don’t want to even hear it because no matter what, this is not your fault, period. It’s his, he raped you. You are not at fault. That part of our conversation has really stuck with me. I have been thinking about it all day and I am so happy that I told my brother (he was extremely supportive as well) and his fiancé. She really made me think. And every day I go over in my head how I could have prevented this. But even one night I was on the rape crisis hotline having a breakdown, and the woman told me that it wasn’t my fault, and that if I wanted to, I could walk down the street naked and it doesn’t give anyone the right to rape me. Fo the record, I was never naked with him on my own will. But when I woke up to him raping me, he had removed my underwear.
The article below has a bunch of other great things to remember and to keep in mind. But I am really really thankful for last night 💖💕