A Survivor Not a Victim

Overcoming Rape



The Massachusetts DCF Has No Issues With Having Employees With 209A Restraining Orders

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Given the fact that the Department of Children and Family Services is supposed to work to protect children and families against domestic violence and abuse,  I find it extremely concerning that despite multiple attempts to inform them that a current employee, who has not even been employed 6 months yet, has received a 2 year extension on a 209A restraining order, I have not received any phone calls back concerning this issue.


For those who are unaware,  there are very few reasons that one of these restraining orders can be granted in Massachusetts,  those consist of;

”Abuse”, the occurrence of one or more of the following acts between family or household members:

(a) attempting to cause or causing physical harm;

(b) placing another in fear of imminent serious physical harm;

(c) causing another to engage involuntarily in sexual relations by force, threat or duress.

State employees are subject to CORI checks. DCF employees are subject to up to and including a stage two,  which includes any and all civil issues  (this includes restraining orders ).

I don’tknow the nature of his position,  but if it includes a CORI check to that extent,  the DCF needs to take this issue seriously.  He (to my probable knowledge ) has access to the personal information if the vulnerable population,  because to my knowledge,  his position concerns IT  (but I could be misinformed) either way,  the DCF needs to invistigate this matter.  If I had to deal with the DCF, I mostly certainly would not feel comfortable with this man having  (or potentially having ) access to my personal information.

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If You Are Drunk, & Didn’t Give Prior Consent. …it’s RAPE


I still struggle with my rape every day.  Yes, I was drunk when he raped me.  Actually,  I was passed out and woke up to him on top and inside me. Bottom line. …I DID NOT GIVE CONSENT!

As a matter of fact, earlier on, before I was wasted,  I specifically told him that I would never sleep with him.

I read this article;

It definitely highlights the fact that just because a person is drunk,  does not mean that you have a pass to have sex with them. It also highlights that law enforcement does not take drunk rape victims seriously.




Dealing With Rape

I just read a great write-up about dealing with rape  (link below ). It’s a great reminder to read over and over,  especially on the really tough day’s  (which for me right now is every day ).

Last night I had my youngest brother and his fiancé over for dinner.  Although he had previously put two and two together,  I hadnot yet told him what happened.  My family and I are close,  but telling everyone immediately was just way too much for me to handle.

So I told him all about it.  His fiancé had fallen asleep  (because dinner was taking forever! !!! Lol…and it was late). When I realized later that she didn’t hear any of the conversation,  I decided to tell her too.

She gave me amazing feedback,  but what she made me realize  (and this relates to the link below ) is that I clearly keep blaming myself.  I was telling her things my roommate had said to me in the past,  that now looking back I could have taken as a warning.  She said that if she had a male roommate and he said those things,  she would never think that he was a rapist.  I went on explaining what happened that night.  Then I started to go back over it in detail.  She politely inturuped me and said that it sounds like I was able to go into detail about all the things that I could have done different (which I was ). Then she said,  if that is where you are going with this,  I don’t want to even hear it because no matter what,  this is not your fault,  period. It’s his, he raped you.  You are not at fault. That part of our conversation has really stuck with me.  I have been thinking about it all day and I am so happy that I told my brother  (he was extremely supportive as well) and his fiancé.  She really made me think.  And every day I go over in my head  how I could have prevented this.  But even one night I was on the rape crisis hotline having a breakdown,  and the woman told me that it wasn’t my fault,  and that if I wanted to,  I could walk down the street naked and it doesn’t give anyone the right to rape me. Fo the record,  I was never naked with him on my own will. But when I woke up to him raping me, he had removed my underwear.

The article below has a bunch of other great things to remember and to keep in mind.  But I am really really thankful for last night 💖💕


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