Wish I Could Just Erase The Horrible Memories

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I’m so exhausted.  Physically, emotionally,  and spirituality.  I use to be so full of life.

I was that women,  where no matter where I go, people tend to  flock to me. Maybe it’s because I always gave off such positive energy,  or that I was always smiling,  maybe I had a light inside me.

I don’t want this disgusting excuse for a human being to be the reason why my light goes out. But it’s just so incredibly challenging to cope.

For example,  today,  one of my favorite clients came in for a meeting.  He came in with two other gentleman.  I was how I would normally be  (they are clients,  and I am trying to be like “normal”anyway at work,  but it is hard.  Especially on 4 or less hours of sleep a night for over a month now). I  smiled,  I  small talked, etc. When they were leaving,  one of the men said, ” Now I know why ******** likes coming here so much ” . That made me feel happy,  and he said it right in front of one of the owners of the company I work for.

But later in the day it made me feel sad. Sad because of all the energy it took for me to have those small, short interactions,  when normally that is just how I am.

I just want to erase my brain from what happened on February 14th.

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