By: A Survivor Not a Victim
April 8, 2016
I am approaching the end of my rope and don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t take it, I can’t cope. I have done everything right, and nothing is working out for me. On top of that, I’m seeking help, sharing my story, both here and with family and friends in person. I’m seeking counseling, and nothing is bringing ease to my pain and suffering; I am not feeling any better!
I’m in a pit of deep dark and despair, with no hope or glimmer of light. I have been through a lot of tough times in my life (and no, I am not talking about love struggles, but I do know firsthand how terribly awful those are and can be), so I am no stranger to dark times. I have always remained positive and come out ok; this time, I am getting worried. I have never felt such despair, anguish, or such a loss of words (which, for me, is not typical).
I don’t know how much longer I can continue like this. I keep looking at my two little dogs; they are the only reason I have not relinquished hope and given up, but it is getting harder and harder to function, live, and breathe. I don’t know what to do
A Survivor Not a Victim 
Oh honey, I wish I could help, so I’ll do my best via this comment, which isn’t much, I know, but better than nothing at all in my long experience. Firstly, it WILL get better, if you give yourself a chance, that I can promise you. I have been in those dark pits of despair more times than i care to count. i have scars up and down my arms to prove it, and heck to I regret them now (every time I present at a conference, deliver a lecture, or have an important meeting, I have to consciously cover them, and it sucks). When you’re at the bottom of the pit it is so impossible to see how it could possibly get better, I know. But somehow, little by little, it does. Certain things can speed that process up of course, and you’re already doing counseling, which is awesome and brave. Is you’re counselor working for you or could you find someone who will suit you better? I ask, because I went through 6 different counselors before finding the right one (a clin psych). I know most survivors end up going through a few before finding the right one. Medication can also help. but it takes a really high quality psychiatrist or someone else who knows their stuff, to get the right fit for you. Personally I have found Sam-E to be better for me than other prescription meds I’ve tried, but everyone is different, and it’s not something to jump into lightly. But meds saved my life when I did need them. Intense exercise has also worked for me – a good combo of HIIT, cadio, and strength. It was incredibly hard to get off my arse and start when I was in the pits, but once I finally did, what a difference. Doing creative stuff like art also helped me. I love writing too, but there was something even more cathartic about painting. I’m so glad you have dogs. They need you, and you need them, so keep them close and cuddle and talk to them. I’m not telling you what to do, what you should do, or anything. Just telling you what has helped me, in case something resonates. And letting you know that I care. Truly. Hugs
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I think that you are sharing your story is proof of some hope and a glimmer of light. It shows that you truly want help and for things to get better. Keep sharing.
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