Last night I was talking with a “friend” who I had previously confided about being raped. We were talking because I was upset, I am having such a hard time moving on. My life is a mess, I am not myself, and I feel ruined.
As we were talking she said, “How do you even know for sure that you were raped? How do you know that is the whole story? What he did was wrong, but how do you know for sure that it was rape? You said yourself that you were so drunk, and you woke up to him on top of you and in you. How do you know that you were’t black out? I don’t think if a person is drunk that it really can be rape”
Are you FUCKING ME?!?!?! I told her that regardless, I told him no that night, that “I am never going to sleep with you” What he did WAS rape. I did not give consent, earlier in the evening; I did the opposite, and I was not in a position to give consent, as per the definition of consent. She said that I was drunk, and that I should have never gotten in the bed with him in the fist place….I was completely shocked to be hearing this…from her. He was in my bed, in my room. I didn’t know why, I as shitfaced, tired, and figured that since I knew I made it clear that I would never have sex, that I had nothing to worry about. I was wearing clothes…it isn’t like I went to bed naked!! I had no idea that he would do that to me. And I couldn’t believe what she was saying. We argued about this for an hour, and it just made me sick. She really thinks that if a person is drunk, they cannot be raped.
I have been a mess all day. I already feel like shit, and cannot cope with what happened, then I hear this from a supposed “friend” who was “trying to help”. What she is doing is victim blaming, making excuses for rapists, and saying that it is ok to rape drunk people.
I was raped. There is no other explanation, no excuse. It doesn’t matter if I was drunk, rape is rape. If this is what a “friend” thinks of certain types of rape situations, then it gives me no hope regarding what the majority of society thinks…that some rapes are ok while others are not. This is a prime example of rape culture….and it needs to end!