By: A Survivor Not a Victim
April 22, 2016
Since I was raped, I have been experiencing horrific nightmares! Sometimes they are about him, other times they are about men that I know are assaulting me, but last night was the most disturbing nightmare that I have ever had in my life. EVER!
I can still vividly remember every detail: sight, sound, feeling, taste, and emotion. Pardon my language, but it was fucking horrifying!! Initially, I was going to write in detail about it, but first of all, no one needs to hear about it, two, I am sure that plenty of people have actually been through something like it, for real, thankfully mine was just a dream, although it truly felt real.
The dream felt like it was actually happening, and I could not wake up! I actually had an appointment with my counselor yesterday, but this nightmare happened last night, so I didn’t even get to talk with her about it. I know with dreams. Usually, you tend to forget the details as the day goes on, so that is not the case here; I could write a full, in-depth report on this nightmare. I can still hear the voices, feel being brutalized, taste what I cannot even begin to talk about. It was horrifying and traumatizing.
I just got off the phone with a person from the rape crisis hotline. They were very helpful and gave me some suggestions to help me sleep tonight (last night, I fell asleep while trying to finish this post, so yeah!). However, my fear is that my subconscious mind is going to pick up where it left off, and that scares me. I am terrified to fall asleep still.
Why do I continue to have dreams like this, and why are they getting progressively worse? I do not understand.
A Survivor Not a Victim 