Hauntings

By: A Survivor Not a Victim
May 1, 2016

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Healing- oh, it is such a strange process. It’s like taking one step forward and two steps back.

I live in the apartment where it all happened. I have two dogs and wasn’t planning on moving because I don’t have the funds to move.

I’m constantly haunted – By flashbacks, his face, and things that he said – it’s awful. And it’s like, as soon as I feel that I am making progress, I get thrown two steps back with more flashbacks, memories, visions, and nightmares. I have completely changed my room, but that doesn’t always help. It’s like a never-ending nightmare!

One unique thing about me (I know that some people might think this sounds crazy) is that I can feel other people’s energy. I have always been this way, and when I was a kid, I didn’t know it at the time, so I assumed that I was the one with the anxiety (which I do have ) and all the other crazy emotions that I was getting from other people, and mistaking them as my own. It wasn’t until I was about 28 that I met a friend who knew about all this “stuff.” The more I talked with her about it, and the more I researched on my own, the more I discovered that I possess this weird capability.

Let me give you an example. Let’s say that I am at a family gathering, and someone typically full of anxious energy on a normal basis is coming but has not arrived. I will know immediately when that person arrives by the shift of energy in the environment without even hearing or seeing that person. This also works in a room full of strangers, particularly if someone has very strong negative or positive energy. It has happened so many times that I have lost count.

My problem is that I don’t listen to myself and second guess myself.

When I met my previous roommate, he was polite and well-mannered, but something inside me said nope! I asked three other prospective roommates who declined my offer. Since I couldn’t put my finger on my reservations about him, I asked him to be my roommate out of desperation. I should have listened to myself.

Now, I am looking for a new roommate, and I intend to listen this time. Actually, I just sent a rental application to the landlord. Initially, I said to myself, “No straight male roommates.” But honestly, before the incident, it never really mattered much to me. Not to mention, the thought of being raped by a roommate never even occurred to me.

I have been on a paid app. I received a message from a guy shortly after I signed up. But at that time, I was deleting all messages from men. Recently, I have been open to at least meeting them. I sent a message to this same guy who was still looking for a place. I met him. I got a very positive vibe from him. My dog Hercules loved him and stopped barking immediately. And he has really kind eyes. I think eyes tell a lot about a person.

I hope that my landlord approves his application. Maybe once someone moves in, things will change, and these horrible memories and flashbacks will start to fade away.