Healing, oh it is such a strange process. It’s like one step forward and two steps back.
I live in the apartment that I was raped in by my former roommate. I have two dog’s, and wasn’t planning on moving, therefore I don’t have the funds to move.
I’m constantly haunted. By flashbacks, his face, things that he said. ..it’s awful. And it’s like, as soon as I feel that I am making progress, I get thrown two steps back with flashbacks, memories, visions and nightmares. I have completely changed my room, the room that I was raped in, but that doesn’t always help. It’s like a never ending nightmare!
One thing about me that is definitely unique, and I know that some people might think that this sounds crazy, but I can feel other people’s energy. I have always been this way, and when I was a kid, I didn’t know it at the time, so I assumed that I was the one with the anxiety (which I actually do have ) and all the other crazy emotions that I was getting from other people, and mistaking them as my own. It wasn’t until I was about 28 thatI met a dear friend of mine who actually knows about all this “stuff” and the more I talked with her about it, and the more I researched on my own was when I discovered that I actually do possess this weird capability.
Let me give you an example. Let’s say that I am at a family gathering, and someone who is typically full of anxious energy on a normal basis is coming, but has not arrived. I will know immediately when that person arrives by the shift of energy in the environment without even hearing or seeing that person. This also works on a room full of strangers, particularly if someone has very strong negative or positive energy. I has happened so many times that I have lost count.
My problem is that I don’t listen to myself and second guess myself.
When I met my previous roommate, he was polite, well mannered, but something inside me said. ..nope!. I asked three other people who declined my offer. Since I couldn’t put my finger on my reservations about him, out of desperation I asked him to be my roommate. I should have listened to myself.
Now I am looking for a new roommate, and I intend to listen this time. Actually, I just sent a rental application to the landlord. Initially, I said to myself “no straight male roommate’s “. But honestly, prior to my rape, I prefer living with guy’s. Not to mention, the thought of being raped by a roommate never ever occurred to me.
I have been on a paid app. I received a message from a guy shortly after I signed up. But at that time, I was deleting all messages from men. Recently, I have been open to at least meeting them . I sent a message to this same guy who was still looking for a place. I met him. I got a very positive vibe from him. My dog Hercules loved him and stopped barking immediately. And he has really kind eyes. I think eyes tell a lot about a person.
I hope that my landlord approves his application. Maybe once someone moves in, things will change and these horrible memories and flashbacks will start to fade away.