Here are the basics of consent.
- Freely given. Consenting is a choice you make without pressure, manipulation, or under the influence of drugs or alcohol.
- Reversible. Anyone can change their mind about what they feel like doing, anytime. Even if you’ve done it before, and even if you’re both naked in bed.
- Informed. You can only consent to something if you have the full story. For example, if someone says they’ll use a condom and then they don’t, there isn’t full consent.
- Enthusiastic. When it comes to sex, you should only do stuff you WANT to do, not things that you feel you’re expected to do.
- Specific. Saying yes to one thing (like going to the bedroom to make out) doesn’t mean you’ve said yes to others (like having sex).
Let’s talk about consent……
People are taught that consent is a “yes”. But clearly there is a lot of confusion about this topic. I was initially going to make this more of a facetious post geared towards the individuals who disregard boundaries , but number one, that is not who my audience is, and number two, the intent of my blog is to be helpful. ..so I ditched that part of my idea.
Still, people act as if consent is grey when it is really black and white. I will use me for an example. I know that I didn’t give consent. I verbally told him no and that it was never going to happen. He raped me when I was passed out and I woke up to it. However, that day and the next, being raped really messes with your mind and makes you question everything. Not only did I not want to believe that I was raped, I never thought that it would happen to me. Knowing that I didn’t give consent wasn’t enough, it was like I need proof of some sort for my mind.
So I came up with an idea to post what consent is not. So if sex occurs from any of the below, there is no need to doubt or second guess it.. it’s rape.