If you follow my blog, you know that I was raped by my roommate, this year, 2016 on (the early morning of) February 14th.
Trying to cope with this has been and continues to be a major struggle for me. When I am better, I fully intend to be an advocate. And I’m not just talking about helping other rape victims, I am also talking about changing laws!
But for now, I can barely function on a daily basis. When I saw that BARCC (Boston Area Rape Crisis Center, they have been and are continuing to help me) was having a walk on April 10th to raise money, I immediately wanted to be apart of it. That was /is something that I CAN do right now to help others. So I will be walking with one of my dog’s on April 10th.
Now, before I say anything, I want to say that I currently have a lot of people who are supporting me (not for the walk, I mean in general ) . And for that I am greafull and feel extremely fortunate.
Now, I am not big on social media. I have never done anything to raise money before (except when I was a little girl selling girl scout cookies ). This cause means so much to me. I am extremely passionate about it. On Facebook, there are only 1-3 people that I don’t personally know. Everyone else is from high school, college, previous jobs, family, or friends.
I thought that since. ..well, no one supports rape, that I would be able to get some sponsors. Well, I only got a few (and I am eternally grateful for them!!!) Additionally, for my first and second post, I received very. ..very few likes. Now, I know this might sound so high schoolish, but I normally would never take something like that personally. First, let me say, that I am also eternally grateful for! I know that some people cannot give money, but just liking the cause ment so much to me, and made me so happy.
But of all my friends and family (not direct family, they are ALL already supportive and have made that known) that support was few and far between. And I am not just talking about the sponsoring me for the walk.
Last week, my brother’s fiancé suggested that I say that BARCC directly helps me with my rape. Initially I didn’t want to. But the 10th of April is coming up and I really want to reach my goal. So I did.
The result, no likes, no response, no supporters (and of course, anyone who previously did any of those, in person, online, or supported my walk, this does not apply to ). The thing that upsets me the most is that it was one thing before I disclosed that I was raped and that BARCC was helping me. Now that I have and nothing. …this makes me think that these people don’t care about rape. And if people who personally know me (family and friends ) don’t care, then how in the hell are we supposed to get society to care enough to change the laws and make the consequences of rape more strict, and make it easier to convict rapists. Look at the statistics, a very small percentage of rapists go to trial, and even less are convinced.
And all those who are worried about false accusations and non rapists going to jail. …that is 2% which is the exact same for ALL other crimes, so why can’t we change the laws on rape?
I am sad and disheartened. But at the same time grateful for the family and friends who are supporting me through this awful time. I’m normally not very good at keeping in touch with people. I have health problems. I am sick a lot and when I make plans, I have to cancel a lot. I have lost close friends over this. Going through what I am going through now, I am never EVER going to forget who is here for me, and I am always going to make an effort to stay in touch. I feel very special.
As for the rest, especially my “family ” (again, I am NOT talking about my immediate family ) just because we share the same blood. ..doesn’t mean s*#@! If I ever saw a post like I posted from a family member, I would send them a message. And of course, I am talking about active FB people.
https://secure.e2rm.com/registrant/FundraisingPage.aspx?langPref=en-CA&RegistrationID=3259670#.VvCJwlZ8Lsc.mailto
Like this:
Like Loading...
raped me. My dreams, flashbacks, sleeping issues, concentration, eating issues, etc. are really not improving much at all. I am beyond exhausted, physically, mentally and spiritually. Feeling like this is new to me (I am not speaking to feeling like being raped…or I suppose maybe in a way I am). By nature I am a happy positive person. In my life, I have dealt with many downs, some very dark and very bad (like everyone). That being said, I have always had the ability to bounce back quickly, see the positive, and not live in despair. I am(or should I say WAS) like that annoying stereotypical happy person that pessimists and people who are in a bad or fair mood detest…lol.
g. I don’t know how to focus like this, I don’t know how to stop the nightmares, the flashbacks, the looking over my shoulder, the always being jumpy. I am sinking deeper and deeper into sadness, despair, confusion, and un-expressible emotions. I have never in my life ever been like this and it scares me. If there is one thing I know, it is self expression and communication. This is uncharted territory.
se my soul died that day, yet I have to walk this earth every day in despair with horrible thoughts, feelings, flashbacks and memories that I don’t know how I will ever erase. I am tormented every day, and the thought that he gets to walk around free, not having to admit what he did, no repercussions, a clean record, with the ability to do this to someone else makes me sick. I am I supposed to have hope when the justice system has failed me, much like it fails most rape victims. I don’t see how it is possible. At least if I had the courage to do something that day, maybe the outcome would have been different, maybe I wouldn’t feel this way, maybe I would start my journey of hope. I just don’t see how that is even possible at this point.
st, nor have I ever kissed him, or ever gave him a verbal inclination that I was ever interested in him. The thing that kills me is that I told him that…THAT NIGHT, that I would never sleep with him..ever! Those were my words! I was in shock and horror that morning when I woke up with no underwear on, to him fucking me! It was like I left my body, so surreal. I was scared, intimidated, and disturbed. I just, froze, I have never felt like that. And I was still so drunk! I just wish so much that I could go back and do things differently. And, I wish that some type of justice would be served!
Recent Comments