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A Survivor Not a Victim

Overcoming Rape

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DrugRehab.com

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“We provide information, resources, and treatment for people battling addiction and related conditions.

At DrugRehab.com, our mission is to equip patients and families with the best information, resources and tools to overcome addiction and pursue lifelong recovery. We are here to help you or your loved one every step of the way.”

 

On their site, they have links with resources specifically for victims of domestic abuse and sexual assault.

“Domestic violence is the intentional use of emotional, psychological, sexual or physical force by one family member or intimate partner to control another. Victims of domestic violence who struggle with addiction face significant barriers to receiving treatment, but programs that effectively address addiction and abuse-related trauma are available”

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Coping Is Important For Healing

Finding a way to cope with your assault is very important. This gives you an outlet to channel all your thoughts, feelings and emotions through. There are many healthy ways in which a person can cope, and unfortunately there are many self destructive ways in which a person can cope. This post is going to focus on the positive ways because when you are already in such a negative state, it is hard to think of positive ways to cope. I have been there, I have been through the negative coping mechanisms and they just make a person spiral down deeper and deeper into the darkness. So I am going to talk about what other people do that helps them to cope, and I am going to talk about what I do to cope. Please comment below if you do something that is not listed because I know that others would love to know! There is no “manual” on how to recover from rape, sexual assault, domestic violence, molestation, incest, or sexual abuse; so this is my way of trying to aid in the recovery of others.

artArt is one way people cope. Art comes in many forms from painting, drawing, writing, poetry, making collages, photography, performance art (if you play or want to learn to play a musical instrument), ceramic/pottery and making sculptures. Now, you don’t have to be an artist. You only have to enjoy what you are doing. I always wanted to paint, but I never knew how. I can draw, but I didn’t find it an effective coping mechanism for me (but hey, at least I tried it right?). I tried a “Paint Nite” you go to the website, pick a painting that you like, and the location, then they teach you how to paint it. It was really fun, and the painting actually comes out like the one they show you! I have done several of these.

Reading is another coping mechanism. It allows you to escape for a time into a place of your own choosing. Whatever genera of material you like, pick up some great books and get lost in them. At least for a moment, you will be able to focus your thoughts somewhere else.

gardeningGardening. This allows you to use your creativity, and foster new life and new beginnings. If you like gardening but live in the city and don’t have an area where you can garden, there are many community gardens all around. If this is something that appeals to you, search for community gardens in your city. You also don’t even need to garden outside, get creative with indoor plants and design an indoor garden in any room!

Volunteering. Some people find it therapeutic to volunteer. Maybe you love animals and would like to volunteer at an animal shelter. Maybe helping the homeless is more your style so going and volunteering at a soup kitchen or a local shelter is something that would be a fit for you. Perhaps you prefer to donate blood and help with the efforts that go along with that, so an organization like the Red Cross or local blood drives would be something that you can focus a bit of your energy on. Or maybe you might enjoy visiting the elderly in nursing homes. There are so many elderly folks who never ever receive any visitors. One thing that I haven’t done yet, but I will be doing is getting a bunch of flowers, writing a bunch of handwritten cards/notes, and I will be taking them to a local nursing home where I will pass out a flower and a card/note to people who don’t get any visitors. I will sit and visit with them.

boxingExercising. This one is my coping mechanism. Exercising is a great way to cope with sexual assault and many other challenges that life gives you. Types of exercise include: walking, jogging, running, yoga, palates, cross-fit, dancing, boxing, kickboxing, weights, zumba, aerobics, bike riding, spin class, martial arts, swimming, rowing, horse back riding, or playing a sport you like. I box. I box because it allows me to channel my anger and frustrations out on the bag. It is also a great and tough workout! I also do yoga because I find meditation very helpful. I struggle with keeping a clear and present mind, and yoga helps me with that.

Hopefully this information with be helpful to you, if not now (which is completely understandable) then at some point in the future when you are ready.

The Massachusetts DCF Has No Issues With Having Employees With 209A Restraining Orders

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Given the fact that the Department of Children and Family Services is supposed to work to protect children and families against domestic violence and abuse,  I find it extremely concerning that despite multiple attempts to inform them that a current employee, who has not even been employed 6 months yet, has received a 2 year extension on a 209A restraining order, I have not received any phone calls back concerning this issue.

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For those who are unaware,  there are very few reasons that one of these restraining orders can be granted in Massachusetts,  those consist of;

”Abuse”, the occurrence of one or more of the following acts between family or household members:

(a) attempting to cause or causing physical harm;

(b) placing another in fear of imminent serious physical harm;

(c) causing another to engage involuntarily in sexual relations by force, threat or duress.

State employees are subject to CORI checks. DCF employees are subject to up to and including a stage two,  which includes any and all civil issues  (this includes restraining orders ).

I don’tknow the nature of his position,  but if it includes a CORI check to that extent,  the DCF needs to take this issue seriously.  He (to my probable knowledge ) has access to the personal information if the vulnerable population,  because to my knowledge,  his position concerns IT  (but I could be misinformed) either way,  the DCF needs to invistigate this matter.  If I had to deal with the DCF, I mostly certainly would not feel comfortable with this man having  (or potentially having ) access to my personal information.

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Domestic Violence Starts At An Early Age

Full Article

https://m.mic.com/articles/145828/one-australian-ad-nails-when-domestic-abuse-starts-and-it-s-way-earlier-than-you-d-think?utm_source=policymicFB&utm_medium=main&utm_campaign=social#.HUOaGdzjc

This is a great follow up to my recent post “Accidentally Teaching Our Children About Rape Culture “

It is an Australian advertisement about domestic violence against women,  but I think that it can be applied to domestic violence for all types of relationships.

 

What Just Happened?!?!??

 

Alright,  so I have these neighbors who live behind me. An Italian couple in their 40’s with three children,  two of which who live at home

I am friends with the wife. She is a very nice, strong-willed  loud Italian woman.

I  do hear this couple fight. ..all the time.  Sometimes it sounds like bloody murder in their house,  and their windows are not even open

Tonight I was outside,  and per not out of the ordinary,  I heard them fighting inside.  This time was definitely louder than usual,  but it really is not any of my business.  Suddenly,  the wife flings open the back door to the porch and SCREAM’S “HELP…HELP!!!!” Then slams the door closed.

Now, I have lived here for over a year, I have never…EVER…seen or heard anything like this come from them…EVER…. Even the tone of her voice. I was immediately concerned, despite the fact that I know that they argue all the time. This sounded and felt different.I was so worried because I was afraid that if I called the police, that she would be mad at me, yet at the same time, I was truly afraid for her, the sound of her screams. So I ran inside and explained everything to my roommate. He said that I should call the police…I was really just looking for reassurance to do so, because deep down I really felt afraid for her and I really wanted to.

I called the local PD, and they transferred me to 911. I don’t even know the name of her street because she lives behind me, but I explained where her house was located.

When the officers showed up (one unit, two officers) they called me to make sure that they were at the correct house. This family does not have a doorbell. So I shimages (2)owed them and went back to my apartment, and gave them my address. Eventually one of the officers came around back (the back of my apartment, and the back of her house face each other). He asked me to confirm which house was hers, and then asked me what her name was. Meanwhile, the backdoor to her house opened, and the other officer that I saw, and a different one was in the house. Then I saw her…she was holding her key’s, she confirmed her name and said that her and her husband just got home and she didn’t know what was going on. When the officer’s told her, she said something along the lines of “I don’t know….stupid nosy neighbors”.

Shortly thereafter,  the initial responding officers rang my doorbell and told me what I had already heard. There were practically tears rolling down my eyes. He said ” I don’t know what to tell you, you can file a report against the husband, but she says that they were not even home”. I told him “No”. I said that if she is going to lie about what happened, then I don’t even what to be involved. I told him that as a victim of abuse myself, I called because I was afraid from her because she was calling for help, if that is her story, then it is what it is, and I am sorry for bringing you down here, I was just trying to do the right thing.Then he asked for my name for the report, and I told him that I did not want to give it to him because h
er nephew works for the police force. I told him that I was afraid that she would be mad at me.

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Right now I just feel so stupid!! Was she really in trouble? Or was she just being dramatic? My gut tells me this was different and there was something not right going down in that house, but she lied, and I get why why people lie about these things. But now I wonder, did I make things worse for her? If I ever screamed out
the window or door for help, I sure as shit would hope that someone would call the police.

I am also afraid that now she is going to know that it is me, and that she is going to hate me for it. I wasn’t calling the police because they were loud, I was calling the police because she was screaming for help.

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Potty-Mouth Princesses Part 2: Girls F-Bomb Domestic Violence by FCKH8.com

Now, from the first time I saw these video’s, I loved them. This was quite some time ago. I understand that there is a lot of controversy about these videos and the “little swearing girls” but that is exactly why I like them. And this was way prior to my rape.

People who do not like these, or who choose to only listen to the swears and not the message are directly exhibiting what society does as a whole – when the issue of domestic violence and rape is put right in their faces, they find something else to focus on, and ignore the main issue at hand.

 

 

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