By: A Survivor Not a Victim
March 13, 2016
My roommate raped me on February 14th, 2016. I was 32 years old.
Like a lot of people, I thought that rape happened by people who you don’t know and that it is always violent. That was not the case. And after doing some research, most people are raped by someone who they know.
I didn’t report it immediately; I waited eight days because I was scared and didn’t think they would prosecute him. After talking with my brother, I decided to report it. That decision was awful! It was like being raped all over again. And guess what, surprise, surprise, the DA is not going to press charges because they cannot prove rape beyond a reasonable doubt. How MESSED UP is that? I’m sorry, but after waking up to my roommate on top of and inside me, the first thing on my mind wasn’t to get a rape kit. All I wanted to do was take a scorching hot shower, like 100 of them, and pretend it never happened. I was not even being taken seriously by the police!
My life has been turned upside-down. I can’t eat, can’t sleep, can’t concentrate; I am on edge; I get panic attacks and flashbacks; some days, I don’t even want to live.
I was granted a restraining order, and he was forced to vacate the apartment. He had a scumbag lawyer who tried to talk with me before the hearing in court that day, but I wouldn’t. His story is that we had “A one-day relationship.”
I even told the rapist the night before that I would never sleep with him. He decided that he was going to take what he wanted anyway.
I don’t know how to get through this. I just want to feel normal. I’m scared, disgusted; I’m afraid that I could have an std, I’m depressed; the list goes on.
And all this rapist has is a civil restraining order. Who knows how many women he has done this to in the past and how many he will do it to in the future. I don’t think people just rape once.
A Survivor Not a Victim 
Hi B, I am so sorry for what happened to you. You are so strong! Just because someone is married to you does not give them the right to demand sex when you don’t want to have sex. He forced this, and that is rape. There is no reason in the world, not even marriage that makes this ok. You are your own person, with your own thoughts and feelings, and you have every right to decline sex with anyone for any reason. I wish you the best and please reach out to me if you need someone to listen 💕
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My husband did this to me after 16 years of marriage. I confronted him and he said ‘Excuse me but I wanted to have sex.’ To this day he doesn’t believe he raped me multiple times. I got myself well enough to get a divorce – if there is no proof, it never happened.
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