By: A Survivor Not a Victim
March 13, 2016
My roommate raped me on February 14th, 2016. I was 32 years old.
Like a lot of people, I thought that rape happened by people who you don’t know and that it is always violent. That was not the case. And after doing some research, most people are raped by someone who they know.
I didn’t report it immediately; I waited eight days because I was scared and didn’t think they would prosecute him. After talking with my brother, I decided to report it. That decision was awful! It was like being raped all over again. And guess what, surprise, surprise, the DA is not going to press charges because they cannot prove rape beyond a reasonable doubt. How MESSED UP is that? I’m sorry, but after waking up to my roommate on top of and inside me, the first thing on my mind wasn’t to get a rape kit. All I wanted to do was take a scorching hot shower, like 100 of them, and pretend it never happened. I was not even being taken seriously by the police!
My life has been turned upside-down. I can’t eat, can’t sleep, can’t concentrate; I am on edge; I get panic attacks and flashbacks; some days, I don’t even want to live.
I was granted a restraining order, and he was forced to vacate the apartment. He had a scumbag lawyer who tried to talk with me before the hearing in court that day, but I wouldn’t. His story is that we had “A one-day relationship.”
I even told the rapist the night before that I would never sleep with him. He decided that he was going to take what he wanted anyway.
I don’t know how to get through this. I just want to feel normal. I’m scared, disgusted; I’m afraid that I could have an std, I’m depressed; the list goes on.
And all this rapist has is a civil restraining order. Who knows how many women he has done this to in the past and how many he will do it to in the future. I don’t think people just rape once.
A Survivor Not a Victim 
Thank you so much! Even though our experiences are different, it still doesn’t make what we went through any easier.I Your comment helps 🙂
And I started to read some things on your blog that I know I will like one day!! I just can’t bring myself to read some if it now, but you have a vast array of great post’s on your blog! I love it so far 🙂 Thank you for your kind words, they really help. I am trying to take it day by but it is so hard. You are very strong, and I hope I can make it to where you are at some day!
LikeLiked by 1 person
My heart goes out to you and the suffering you are going through. Much Love & remember it WILL dissipate….but mine has never “gone away”…it’s more like learning how to cope w/the symptoms left behind by your perpetrator…..This is just MY experience…..I actually forgave & moved on but @ the same time I am still left w/nightmares & my startle response is awful. My ex husband did that to me after 17 yrs of marriage. NO means NO, you are right…no matter how you’ve known them. Yes, as you found out most rapes are by those we’ve trusted. Plus, it seems customary that any woman that charges a man of rape is again raped by the justice system. I am very sorry……..Please be gentle w/yourself…….
LikeLiked by 1 person