By: A Survivor Not a Victim
March 13, 2016
My roommate raped me on February 14th, 2016. I was 32 years old.
Like a lot of people, I thought that rape happened by people who you don’t know and that it is always violent. That was not the case. And after doing some research, most people are raped by someone who they know.
I didn’t report it immediately; I waited eight days because I was scared and didn’t think they would prosecute him. After talking with my brother, I decided to report it. That decision was awful! It was like being raped all over again. And guess what, surprise, surprise, the DA is not going to press charges because they cannot prove rape beyond a reasonable doubt. How MESSED UP is that? I’m sorry, but after waking up to my roommate on top of and inside me, the first thing on my mind wasn’t to get a rape kit. All I wanted to do was take a scorching hot shower, like 100 of them, and pretend it never happened. I was not even being taken seriously by the police!
My life has been turned upside-down. I can’t eat, can’t sleep, can’t concentrate; I am on edge; I get panic attacks and flashbacks; some days, I don’t even want to live.
I was granted a restraining order, and he was forced to vacate the apartment. He had a scumbag lawyer who tried to talk with me before the hearing in court that day, but I wouldn’t. His story is that we had “A one-day relationship.”
I even told the rapist the night before that I would never sleep with him. He decided that he was going to take what he wanted anyway.
I don’t know how to get through this. I just want to feel normal. I’m scared, disgusted; I’m afraid that I could have an std, I’m depressed; the list goes on.
And all this rapist has is a civil restraining order. Who knows how many women he has done this to in the past and how many he will do it to in the future. I don’t think people just rape once.
A Survivor Not a Victim 
Hi! Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment! Healing from this trauma is so difficult… It takes time, and the amount of time is always different for every person. It’s a struggle, and it’s something that isn’t to be rushed. You are so right, this never happens to us when the “time is right”. I am really happy that my is helpful to you and so many others. I feel like it is the only good thing that can come from what I went through. You are strong too! I wish you the best, and if you ever want or need to talk, or need any information, please come here and email me!
Sincerely,
Cassandra 💕
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It seems insensitive to click the ‘Like’ button and then not say anything. I am so sorry this happened to you. Guess what? I have been following you on my other blog for about 2 years and I have kept saying to myself that I will sit down and read your posts when the ‘time is right’. Maybe it was an excuse to avoid the yukky part of life…but the ironic thing is, rape never happens when the ‘time is right’ – when you are emotionally at your best and at your happiest in life, as if that would make a difference anyway. So I shall make myself time to read your story and those of others, because the time is never right to be upset, distressed or violated in this way. Thank you to you and all your followers who have suffered in a similar way, for having the courage to open up and share your heart and most vulnerable part of your entire being. I am so proud of you all.
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