By: A Survivor Not a Victim
March 26, 2016
If you follow my blog, you know that I was raped by my roommate this year, 2016, in (the early morning of) February 14th.
Trying to cope with this has been and continues to be a major struggle for me. When I am better, I fully intend to be an advocate. And I’m not just talking about helping other rape victims; I’m also talking about changing laws!
But for now, I can barely function on a daily basis. When I saw that the Boston Area Rape Crisis Center (BARCC ) was having a walk on April 10th to raise money, I immediately wanted to be a part of it. That is something that I CAN do right now to help others. So, I will be walking with one of my dogs on April 10th.
Now, I want to say that I currently have many people supporting me (not for the walk, I mean in general ). And for that, I am grateful and feel extremely fortunate.
Now, I am not big on social media. I had never done anything to raise money before (except when I was a little girl selling Girl Scout cookies). This cause means so much to me. I’m incredibly passionate about it. On Facebook, there are only 1-3 people that I don’t personally know. Everyone else is from high school, college, previous jobs, family, or friends.
I thought that since, well, no one supports rape, that I would be able to get some sponsors. Well, I only got a few (and I’m eternally grateful for them!!!) Additionally, I received very few likes for my first and second posts. This might sound so high schoolish, but I usually never take something like that personally. First, let me say that I’m also eternally grateful for! I know some people cannot give money, but just liking the cause meant so much to me and made me so happy.
But of all my friends and family (not direct family; they are ALL already supportive and have made that known), that support was few and far between. And I’m not just talking about sponsoring me for the walk.
Last week, my brother’s fiancé suggested that I say that BARCC directly helps me with dealing with life after my rape. Initially, I didn’t want to. But April 10th is coming, and I want to reach my goal. So I did.
The result: no likes, no response, no supporters (and, of course, anyone who previously did any of those, in person, online, or supported my walk, this does not apply to ). The thing that upsets me the most is that it was one thing before I disclosed that I was raped and that BARCC was helping me. Now that I have nothing, this makes me think that these people don’t care about rape. And if people who personally know me (family and friends ) don’t care, then how in the hell are we supposed to get society to care enough to change the laws and make the consequences of rape strict, and make it easier to convict rapists. Look at the statistics, a tiny percentage of rapists go to trial, and even fewer are convicted.
And for all those who are worried about false accusations and non-rapists going to jail, that number is 2%, which is the exact same for ALL other crimes, so why can’t we change the laws on rape?
I’m sad and disheartened. But at the same time, I’m also grateful for the family and friends who are supporting me through this awful time. I’m normally not very good at keeping in touch with people. I have health problems, am sick a lot, and when I make plans, I have to cancel a lot. I have lost close friends over this. Going through what I’m going through now, I will never forget who is here for me, and I will always try to stay in touch.
As for the rest, especially my “family ” (again, I am NOT talking about my immediate family ), just because we share the same blood. It doesn’t mean s*#@! If I ever saw a post like the one I posted from a family member, I would send them a message of love and support.
A Survivor Not a Victim 
Thank you. And I think what you are doing is great!!! I think it is so hard to get people on board because these are uncomfortable topics, and people would rather just ignore them, especially if they have not been affected, or if they are in denial about being affected. We need more people who are not afraid to stand up and talk about these uncomfortable topics, and fight to make changes. I wish you the best of luck! Keep up the good work 💖
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This is something I struggle with daily. I’m working on creating a non-profit so that I can educate young people on domestic violence – my hope is that by working with them younger, they can avoid becoming victims or abusers – and to support those healing from it. I’ve since included supporting those who are healing from any type of abuse (child abuse, elder abuse, rape…and so on). Just getting people to share and like a Facebook page is like pulling teeth. It is beyond frustrating. If we can’t get those close to us to support change, those who know what we have been through and how it has affected us, how can we get society to support change? All I can say, is keep on keeping on. Focus on your healing, and lean on those who are there for you. When you are ready, get on out there and join the fight to change society’s views on these unpopular topics. We need more people like you!
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