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Overcoming Rape

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Rape; A Father Not Caring

I have to admit that I have to find this halarious,  because if I don’t,  there is no way that I can cope.

My father and I have not had the best relationship in my life life.  The past few years it has been better.  He was struggling with family issues and taking care of my grandpa while he was sick  until he passed away earlier this year. Through that struggle,  I was there for him. I would usually call him a few times a week to check in to see how he was doing because I knew he was under a lot of stress.

Then I was raped.  My grandpa died shortly thereafter,  and I have not heard from my father since. There has been a lot of drama in the family surrounding my grandpa,  but all of that has nothing to do with my situation. On my birthday,  which was recently,  my father sent me a  Facebook message saying happy birthday,  he did even call me. My mom and brothers did. Then he had the audacity to get all upset when I only sent him a Facebook  message  saying  happy Father’s day.  Since I have told him that I was raped,  he has not once ask me how I am doing.  I even confided something to him that I never once told anyone,  and he accused me of being crazy like my my brothers ex girlfriend  (which I am not,  and I told him this after I was raped ).

So, to all of you who do not have support from your loved ones,  if they are not supporting you, they don’t really love you.  My mom, brother’s,  and friends (and actually acquaintances  ) have supported me more than my father.  Just like me,  you deserve more in your life than people like that.

How I Feel After Being Raped; The ABC’s

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Awful

Broken

Choked 

Damaged

Emotional 

Fearful 

Guilty 

Hurt

Insignificant 

Jittery 

Kaput

Lost

Mutilated 

Nervous 

Overwhelmed 

Paralyzed 

Queasy

Restless 

Suicidal

Tired 

Undefinable

Violated 

Weak

X – is his name ie THE RAPIST 

Yucky

Zero

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Carl-Fredrik Arndt & Peter Jonsson; True Hero’s

Full Article & Video

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2016/06/07/the-swedish-stanford-students-who-rescued-an-unconscious-sexual-assault-victim-speak-out/

 

Carl-Fredrik Arndt and Peter Jonsson are the two young men who came to the rescue of the victim of the rapist – Brock Turner.

What these men did is something that everyone should realistically be doing for one another…looking out for each other. That being said, many people find it hard to get involved; whether it is because they are scared, worried that it is not their business, or that they simply just don’t care.

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Not only did these hero’s witness and stop the rape in progress, they chased the rapist down and held him until officers arrived. That is just beyond admirable. This world needs more people like these two young men.

While both Carl and Peter initially choose not to comment on this issue, once supports of the rapist began to “bash” the victim, they choose to publicly provide an account of what they saw that night.

 

“We can see that she isn’t moving at all but he is moving a lot. So we stop and think that there is something strange going on,” – Carl Fredrik Arndt

 

“Peter walks over and asks what he is doing and I am following him. When he stand up we see that she still isn’t moving, even the slightest, so we approach and ask something like: ‘What the hell are you doing?’” – Carl Fredrik Arndt

 

When Peter received the letter from the victim he posted it on his Facebook and encouraged others to read it.

“Thanks to everyone, friends and strangers, for all the encouragement and support over the last days and months. At this point I will not publicly comment on the process or the outcome of the trial. However, I do ask all of you to spare a few minutes and read this letter written by the Victim.”

“To me it is unique in its form and comes as close as you can possibly get to putting words on an experience that words cannot describe.” Peter Jonsson

 

Carl and Peter speak out on what the “sex offenders supports had to say” in the attached video (link at top of page). These men are very admirable in my opinion. Even though the rapist got pretty much a slap on the wrist, the sad truth is that if it wasn’t for their actions, the chances of the rapist getting a sentence far less sever to possibly the case not even making it to court is a sad reality many victims have to face every day. 

This woman had all the right circumstances, she wound up in the hospital (though if you read the full story it is devastating that someone had to explain to her what happened to her) she had witnesses. None if this makes it any easier for her at all, but it creates a very strong case for court. Many, like mine, will never make it past a DA’s desk. My point is despite all that, the creep still get’s off easy. Anyone who is a supporter of Brock Turner the rapist, or anyone who has raped is a supporter of rape themselves. I commend Carl and Peter, and all individuals who take a stand in the face of and the fight against rape.

 

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Me Being Strong And Brave Is Finally Starting To Sink In

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The above quote has always been a favorite of mine since as far back as I can remember. Since being raped, and disclosing that to people, both people I wanted to , and publicly, before I was ready – in an effort to raise money for The Boston Area Rape Crisis Center (of course it was my choice to do so, but I would have much rather preferred not to) , additionally, having to look for a roommate, they all ask why my roommate is gone, and I can’t lie. While with the roommate situation I start by saying that he was images (24)removed by the court, they always ask why, and I can’t and will not lie about that; for two reasons – 1. I don’t lie…..ever, 2. this is going to be an ongoing court dilemma no matter what way you slice it, that I am going to make sure on, so any future roommate will/could potently find out the real reason. I refuse to be made a liar!

That being said, every single person who has been made aware has said (friend, family, acquaintance, friend I don’t talk with much, or stranger) something along the lines of “That is awful, I am so sorry…xyz…” Now, my next statement is not being made to take away from that. I believe that everyone, even (most) strangers are images (22)genuine with what they are saying. That being said, what I realized today, while speaking with a woman from my local senator’s office was….well, she said(something along the lines of), and there was a preface to this, but,” I think that you are so strong and brave for standing up for yourself, advocating, and fighting for
your self, it is very brave of you and I am glad that you are doing that, and you should keep fighting”.

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This was not the fist time that I have been told something like this. I have been told similar remarks from family, friends, BARCC staff and volunteers, as well as other services that I have seeked out to help me. I don’t know why it has taken this long, with so many people telling me the same thing in different ways (and even the same words) to believe it, but I am finally starting to understand.

Every day I research about rape. I know that so many victims do not come for
ward, fight, or even talk about it…and I know exactly why! What makes me different? Maybe I should credit the person who molested me as a child? Or maybe I am strong willed, or maybe….I don’t know? There is so much stigma, pain and anguish attached with reporting and fighting, but at the same time, I can’t bear what comes along with being silent.  I pass no judgement on what other victims choose to do because I am not in their shoes, I am not them. I support a victim and their right to choose the best option for them…PERIOD! And to hell with what anyone else thinks!!! We are not all the same, our coping is not all the same (mine is not good at all right now), and out individual experiences and life in general is not the same. I get it, why people want to stay silent…there are a million and a half reasons. I images (25)personally feel that it is my duty to do something to help to stop rape in it’s tracks the best I can. I don’t know why, I just do.And I plan to be successful with that or at least improving it before my time on this earth is complete.

I am just feeling so grateful for the support from family, friends, acquaintances, strangers, people helping me, followers and readers of my blog, it is all of you who have been driving my strength that I feel like I didn’t have (oh, and I cannot forget, the undying love and affection and extra everything my two dog’s have been giving me since I have been raped…even though that includes their heightened awareness and stress which has lead to more barking than usual….causing me more stress, but I know that they mean well).. If it wasn’t for all of you…equally, I can honestly say that I would not be here today. And for that I am truly
grateful!

 

 

Making Me Laugh During Hard Times :)

 

So I just finished having a serious conversation with my AMAZING friend about my struggles in dealing with my rape.  She use to be my roommate,  and truth be told,  she was the best roommate that I ever had! She is a remarkable human being.

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So, even though our conversation was very serious in nature,  this is how it ended.  But first the back story. …

We both think that Lil Jon is just halarious! We have many running jokes.  Additionally,  we love Dave Chapelle because he is also so funny.  Especially when he impersonates Lil Jon. If you have ever seen the Chapelle show,  sometimes Lil Jon is on it with Dave impersonating him.

So she sent me this link;

 

Seriously,  I couldn’t stop laughing.  It is exactly what I needed right now.  She is such a great friend!

 

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The Good, Bad, & Ugly of Trying to Get Supporters for A Walk For A Change

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If you follow my blog, you know that I was raped by my roommate,  this year, 2016 on (the early morning of) February 14th.

Trying to cope with this has been and continues to be a major struggle for me.  When I am better,  I fully intend to be an advocate.  And I’m not just talking about helping other rape victims,  I am also talking about changing laws!

But for now,  I can barely function on a daily basis.  When I saw that BARCC (Boston Area Rape Crisis Center,  they have been and are continuing to help me) was having a walk on April 10th to raise money,  I immediately wanted to be apart of it.  That was /is something that I CAN do right now to help others.  So I will be walking with one of my dog’s on April 10th.

Now,  before I say anything,  I want to say that I currently have a lot of people who are supporting me (not for the walk,  I mean in general ) . And for that I am greafull and feel extremely fortunate.

Now,  I am not big on social media.  I have never done anything to raise money before  (except when I was a little girl selling girl scout cookies ). This cause means so much to me.  I am extremely passionate about it.  On Facebook,  there are only 1-3 people that I don’t personally know.  Everyone else is from high school,  college, previous jobs, family,  or friends.

I  thought that since. ..well,  no one supports rape,  that I would be able to get some sponsors.  Well, I only got a few (and I  am  eternally grateful for them!!!) Additionally,  for my first and second post,  I received very. ..very few likes. Now, I know this might sound so high schoolish, but I  normally would never take something like that personally.  First,  let me say, that I am also eternally grateful for! I know that some people cannot give money,  but just liking the cause ment so much to me, and made me so happy.

But of all my friends and family (not direct family,  they are ALL already supportive and have made that known) that support was few and far between.  And I am not just talking about the sponsoring me for the walk.

Last week,  my brother’s fiancé suggested that I say that BARCC directly helps me with my rape. Initially I didn’t want to.  But the 10th of April is coming up and I really want to reach my goal.  So I did.

The result,  no likes, no response,  no supporters  (and of course,  anyone who previously did any of those,  in person,  online,  or supported my walk, this does not apply to ). The thing that upsets me the most  is that it was one thing before I disclosed that I was raped and that BARCC was helping me.  Now that I have and nothing. …this makes me think that these people don’t care about rape.  And if people who personally know me (family and friends ) don’t care, then how in the hell are we supposed to get society to care enough to change the laws and make the consequences of rape more strict, and make it easier to convict rapists.  Look at the statistics,  a very small percentage of rapists go to trial,  and even less are convinced.

And all those who are worried about false accusations and non rapists going to jail. …that is 2% which is the exact same for ALL other crimes, so why can’t we change the laws on rape?

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I am sad and disheartened.  But at the same time grateful for the family and friends who are supporting me through this awful time.  I’m normally not very good at keeping in touch with people.  I have health problems.  I am sick a lot and when I make plans,  I have to cancel a lot. I  have  lost close friends over this.  Going through what I am going through now,  I am never EVER going to forget who is here for me, and I am always going to make an effort to stay in touch.  I  feel very special.

As for the rest,  especially my “family ” (again,  I am NOT talking about my immediate family ) just because we share the same blood. ..doesn’t mean s*#@! If I ever saw a post like I posted from a family member,  I would send them a message.  And of course,  I am talking about active FB people.

 

https://secure.e2rm.com/registrant/FundraisingPage.aspx?langPref=en-CA&RegistrationID=3259670#.VvCJwlZ8Lsc.mailto

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