Trying To Find The Will To Stay Strong

By: A Survivor Not a Victim
April 6, 2016

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I have had a tough week. My grandpa died, the funeral was Monday (actually, what we had, you can’t call a funeral, but that is not relevant to this blog ), the family is in crisis because of awful things going on, and I still can’t cope with my rape. I am a mess right now, just a mess. I still can’t find a roommate and am concerned about work because I have missed so much of it. I am a wreck. For the past few days, I just wanted to give up entirely!

Sitting on my bed a few minutes ago, I thought about all the people who really care about me, and that felt good for two seconds (I’ll take it!). I have always been the person who can put myself together and focus on the positive no matter what, but this has not been and continues not to be the case since February, and I find it extremely frustrating.

Then I looked at my two dogs. They were both staring up at me with their big almond-shaped eyes. They know I have not been well, as I can tell by the extra love they have been giving me. I love dogs ( especially mine) because they are so intuitive. And all they want is love and to make you happy. They have been a big help for me.

My oldest had previously been banned from sleeping in the bed for almost a year because he kept peeing in it (he is old ), and he was given chances, but I couldn’t take it anymore. A few days ago, I was so sad that I let him sleep in the bed. (He loves to put his forehead on my forehead, especially when I feel down ). So far, no accidents, thankfully. In fact, I woke up the other night, (for context, my old boy is 10lbs, and the baby is 6lbs.), and the older one was pushed up as close as possible on my back, the baby, nestled on my backside in my neck, and I was literally on the edge of the bed. Lol.

If I can’t be strong for myself, I have to be strong for these two. Their undying love and loyalty are something I feel on a daily basis, and they have always been here for me in a way that isn’t possible for any human to be (or at least, not in a way I have experienced from any human yet). I’m not saying that to take away from everyone who loves, supports, and is there for me; it’s just that dogs do this on a completely different level than humans can, and vice versa. I am glad that I have both of them.