Stigma Hurts

By: A Survivor Not a Victim
April 19, 2016

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I have never felt the stigma so bad as I do now, trying to find a new roommate! I have been looking for a roommate since March 1st. It has not been an easy task. With the people that have ended up coming to see my apartment and the people that I do like and could see myself living with, I keep running into the same issue for the most part. Not all cases, but in 99% of them, what happens is they meet me, they like me, they like the place, the price, the location, etc. Then, they ask why the previous roommate left. What the hell am I supposed to say?!?!?!?! I am honest; I refuse to lie or deceive anyone, no matter the cost.

Here is an example of how these meetings are going:

Prospective Roomie – “Why did your roommate leave?”
Me – “He was removed by the court.”
Prospective Roomie – “Why? What did he do??”
Me – Umm… He raped me.”
Prospective Roomie – “crickets”

Then they say something along the lines of, “I am so sorry, that is terrible…blah blah balhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!” Then I never hear from them again! Female, Male, Gay, Straight, Bi, it has all been the same. What is this?!?! I don’t get it. Am I supposed to lie? I don’t think so! Are they passing judgment on me? Were they playing me all along and pretending they loved the place and wanted to fill out an application, wasting my time and theirs??? I am sensing a pattern, and I have learned the hard way to trust my gut, and my gut says that it directly has to do with telling these people that my former roommate raped me.

Now, what the hell am I supposed to do to overcome this? Not only do I need a new roommate ASAP, but it has to be the right one for me; I am not letting just anyone move in here. I feel so defeated, and I don’t know. I have never been raped before, let alone by a roommate! I don’t know how to handle this; I don’t know how to proceed! I don’t know what or when to tell people, so I only tell when asked. So why are people so ridiculous when they find out that I have been raped? I have had roommates for many years and have never had a hard time finding replacements or new roommates. What gives? It’s like The havoc that this rapist has reaped on my life is endless and continues to grow every single day! When is it going to end? I mean, sure, most things happen for a reason, so clearly, none of these prospective people are for me, but I am reaching the end here. The rapist, who is still on the lease, will not pay; I am running out of time and resources to get someone in here. I am just at such a loss!