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A Survivor Not a Victim

Overcoming Rape

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Victim blaming

RAPE: I Don’t Know How Much More Of This I Can Take

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I am feeling the end of my breaking point!  The DA won’t charge my rapist, he wasn’t even questioned,  nor was there even an an attempt made to get a statement from him.

 

During the restraining order extention hearings  (two of them ) his story changed,  mine has never changed .

I am not willing to give up yet,  but I don’t know how much more that I can take.  I have no doubt in my mind that he will rape again  (he probably has raped before ). I  don’t want to loose hope,  but he has already taken so much away from me,  I just don’t know know how much more of this I can bare.

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I Came Forward, I Want To Press Charges & The DA Won’t Do Anything

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I was raped by my former roommate on February 14th 2016. I filed a police report.  Within less than 48 hours I was told that the DA would not be moving forward with the case.

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In fact,  I met with the DA this past Tuesday,  and it was confirmed that there was not even an attempt made to get a statement from my rapist.

 

Two weeks ago,  a judge granted a two year restraining order extention against my rapist because  (judges words) “My story was credible”. In fact,  on record and under oath,  the story of my rapist changed”.

I am just outraged.  I have no doubt in my mind that this dirt bag will do this again to someone.  And…..and, he works for the Department of children and families in Massachusetts!  His first day was 2 day’s after he raped me,  so he passed the background check.  When I told this to the DA, he was not concerned.

I refuse to give up, because I KNOW that this rapist knew EXACTLY what he was doing,  and I have  NO doubt in my mind that he will do it again. IF I had even the slightest bit of doubt,  even just a hair…I would drop it. But I don’t.

He didn’t accept no for an answer,  so why should I.  I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure that he can’t do this to anyone else EVER AGAIN!

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How I Feel After Being Raped; The ABC’s

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Awful

Broken

Choked 

Damaged

Emotional 

Fearful 

Guilty 

Hurt

Insignificant 

Jittery 

Kaput

Lost

Mutilated 

Nervous 

Overwhelmed 

Paralyzed 

Queasy

Restless 

Suicidal

Tired 

Undefinable

Violated 

Weak

X – is his name ie THE RAPIST 

Yucky

Zero

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Brock Turner Rapist. .. Blaming College “Party Culture”

Full article

http://abcnews.go.com/US/stanford-student-brock-turner-blames-party-culture-sexual/story?id=39702144

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Brock Turner,  typical rapist as displayed in this article.  He blames peer pressure to drink and party culture for making a “bad decision “.

Brock Turner  the rapist – “My poor decision-making and excessive drinking hurt someone that night, and I wish I could just take it all back”

Rapists never admit blame, it is always something or someone else.

It makes me laugh but also furious how he says that he made a “bad decision ” due to drinking.  No…no,no,no!!!! A bad decision would be drinking too much and puking all over your friends apartment,  or getting into a ridiculous argument with a good friend where you said some awful things that you didn’t mean, or  partying so hard that you miss a midterm /final. Those are bad decisions.  Raping an unconscious person behind a dumpster  (mind you,  there were two actual physical eyewitnesses who caught this creep in the act) does not qualify as a “bad decision “.

Here is where we see Brock Turner the rapist trying to plea with anyone who will listen that he is the victim here. That is the bottom line.

Brock Turner the rapist – “I want to take what I can from who I was before this situation happened and use it to the best of my abilities moving forward. I know I can show people who were like me the dangers of assuming what college life can be like without thinking about the consequences one would potentially have to make if one were to make the same decisions that I made”

Oh, and check out this gem that I found posted by Brock the rapist himself….

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I encourage you to read the full article,  it is just. …I don’t even have words!

Brock Turner the rapist – “There isn’t a second that has gone by where I haven’t regretted the course of events I took on January 17th/18th. My shell and core of who I am as a person is forever broken from this. I am a changed person. At this point in my life, I never want to have a drop of alcohol again. I never want to attend a social gathering that involves alcohol or any situation where people make decisions based on the substances they have consumed. I never want to experience being in a position where it will have a negative impact on my life or someone else’s ever again”

And the young woman addressed this in her letter to him;

Victim – “If you are hoping that one of my organs will implode from anger and I will die, I’m almost there. You are very close,” her letter reads in part. “This is not a story of another drunk college hook-up with poor decision-making. Assault is not an accident. Somehow, you still don’t get it. Somehow, you still sound confused”

Changes need to be made, Brock Turner is not a “nice guy” he is a rapist…period, the reinforcement of rape culture needs to end!

10waysnottorape

More Debunked Rape Myth Statements

Stigma Hurts

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I have never felt rape stigma so bad as I do now, trying to find a new roommate! I have been looking for a roommate since March 1st. It has not been an easy task. With the people that have ended up coming to see my apartment, and the people that I do like and could see myself living with, I keep running into the same issue for the most part. Not all cases, but 99% of them. They meet me, they like me, they like the place, the price, location, etc. Then they ask why the previous roommate left….What the hell am I supposed to say?!?!?!?! I am the honest type, I am not going to lie or deceive anyone no matter what the cost. images (6)

This is how it goes; Prospective – “Why did your roommate leave?” Me-  “He was removed by the court” Prospective – “Why? What did he do??” Me- Umm…. He raped me” Prospective – “crickets” — no they say, “I am so sorry, that is terrible…blah blah balhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!” Then I never hear from them again! Female, Male, Gay, Straight, Bi…it is all the same. What is this?!?! I don’t get it? Am I supposed to lie? I don’t think so! Are they passing judgement on me? Were they just playing me all along and pretending that they loved the place and wanted to fill out an application….wasting my time and theirs??? I am sensing a pattern, and I have learned the hard way to trust my gut, and my gut says that is directly has to do with telling these people that I was raped by my former roommate. Now what the hell am I supposed to do to overcome this? Not only do I need a new roommate asap….It has to be the right roommate for me, I am not letting anyone just move on up in here. images (4) I just feel so defeated, and I don’t  know. I have never been raped before…let alone by a roommate! I don’t know how to handle this, I don’t know how to proceed! I don’t know what or when to tell people, so I only tell when asked. So why are people so ridiculous when they find out that I have been raped? I have had roommates for years, many many years, and have never ever had a hard time finding replacements or new roommates. What gives? It’s like The havoc that this rapist has reaped on my life is endless and continues to grow every single day! When is it going to end! I mean sure, most things happen for a reason, so clearly none of these prospective people are for me in regards to roommates, but I am reaching the the end here. Rapist who is still on the lease will not pay, I am running out of time and resources to get someone in here. I am just at such a loss!

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Too Much Focus On “But Are They A Rapist?” And Not Enough On The Victim

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I cannot comprehend the society that we live in! Rape is the only crime where IF……and I mean IF….the victim comes forward and reports it, they are treated like a criminal. They are not taken seriously, and the main focus is “Oh, but were you really raped? What were you wearing, were you drinking, doing drugs, flirting, did you date, did you say no, if you said no, did you fight back, could you have fought back harder, why were you alone at night, why did you get in the car, why were you in that situation to begin with, did you get a rape kit – no – WHY…???…etc.

There is such a heavy focus on protecting rapists and their “character” that police, DA’s friends, family don’t want to get involved .

And people wonder why such a small percentage of rapes are actually reported!

I reported my rape, I worked with detectives, and in less than 24 hours, the detective called me and said that the DA was not going to move forward with my case? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!?!?!?!?!?!? They didn’t even question my rapist!! I was outraged, I had a breakdown on the phone.

Unless things change, Rapists are going to continue to rape at the already alarming rate that they do. Why – because they know that the chances of getting caught, or in trouble are slim to none! This IS RAPE CULTURE.

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I am so fed up with reading about how rape culture does not exist. Look at the facts, look at the statistics. As long as the chances of serious consequences are extremely low, it enforces that society does not take rape seriously. People turn a blind eye and until that changes, society is reinforcing that rape is acceptable.

Hardly any rape victims who come forward and seek justice actually get it, me included. Times that by how many rapists there are out there. Now come on, do you seriously think that one person rapes another person just once and never again?!? I am sure that it is happened, but realistically, I don’t believe that is the case with 99.9% of people who have committed the heinous crime of rape.

I don’t want to be apart of a world that reinforces rape, protects rapists, and condemns victims, what kind of world do you want to live in?

And I know that my pictures with the statistics are US statistics, but the reality that rape culture and the reinforcement of it is displayed all over the WORLD!

rape culture

 

Who Am I

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Who am I?  For this I don’t know anymore.

But I am a woman who refuses to remain silent,  that’s for sure.

I was never one to back down in defeate

But the extent of your all encompassing deceit….

I am powerless to educe justice for the crime that occurred.

And how could I,  when it is word against word.

You had me in your sights all night from the start.

You groomed me all evening,  being sneaky and impart.

What kind of justice system do we have

What type of world do we live in

Where the guilty are immediately viewed uncensurable

And the victim’s indictable

I loose countless hours every day and night over these notions

This is not me, how I am, or how my brain typically functions.

Who am I

Who am I  becoming

Right now I am dark, decaying , drained and drowning

I hope I will evolve to someone more triumphing

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