Stigma Hurts

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I have never felt rape stigma so bad as I do now, trying to find a new roommate! I have been looking for a roommate since March 1st. It has not been an easy task. With the people that have ended up coming to see my apartment, and the people that I do like and could see myself living with, I keep running into the same issue for the most part. Not all cases, but 99% of them. They meet me, they like me, they like the place, the price, location, etc. Then they ask why the previous roommate left….What the hell am I supposed to say?!?!?!?! I am the honest type, I am not going to lie or deceive anyone no matter what the cost. images (6)

This is how it goes; Prospective – “Why did your roommate leave?” Me-  “He was removed by the court” Prospective – “Why? What did he do??” Me- Umm…. He raped me” Prospective – “crickets” — no they say, “I am so sorry, that is terrible…blah blah balhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!” Then I never hear from them again! Female, Male, Gay, Straight, Bi…it is all the same. What is this?!?! I don’t get it? Am I supposed to lie? I don’t think so! Are they passing judgement on me? Were they just playing me all along and pretending that they loved the place and wanted to fill out an application….wasting my time and theirs??? I am sensing a pattern, and I have learned the hard way to trust my gut, and my gut says that is directly has to do with telling these people that I was raped by my former roommate. Now what the hell am I supposed to do to overcome this? Not only do I need a new roommate asap….It has to be the right roommate for me, I am not letting anyone just move on up in here. images (4) I just feel so defeated, and I don’t  know. I have never been raped before…let alone by a roommate! I don’t know how to handle this, I don’t know how to proceed! I don’t know what or when to tell people, so I only tell when asked. So why are people so ridiculous when they find out that I have been raped? I have had roommates for years, many many years, and have never ever had a hard time finding replacements or new roommates. What gives? It’s like The havoc that this rapist has reaped on my life is endless and continues to grow every single day! When is it going to end! I mean sure, most things happen for a reason, so clearly none of these prospective people are for me in regards to roommates, but I am reaching the the end here. Rapist who is still on the lease will not pay, I am running out of time and resources to get someone in here. I am just at such a loss!

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7 thoughts on “Stigma Hurts

  1. By definition, a victim is someone that was destroyed. While a part of you is destroyed, you are also a survivor. There is nothing wrong in your title. You are declaring yourself a survivor as you work to overcome what was done to you. You are working toward restoration. A survivor, by definition, is someone who is still alive after an event or who is coping through difficulties. You ARE a survivor!!! That doesn’t take away from what has happened to you! I don’t know who this LB is, but if they are trying to correct you for how YOU choose and need to heal, they can go suck an egg. Survivor or victim, you aren’t hurting the cause for why the police have done nothing and why people are weird about having you as a roommate. The people who don’t see the truth for what it is are the ones hurting the cause. The world needs more empathy; not those who are hurting to be louder. Keep doing you, friend. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I have read, and re-read your comment and really though about it. I absolutely see where you are coming from.
    Survivors are victims, I am a victim, I feel like a victim, but I don’t want to always feel this way. I don’t want some creep to have that power over me. There is no doubt that anyone who had been sexually assaulted, sexual abused or raped is a victim of sex crimes.

    When I named this blog, I was thinking more to the victim mentally and or forever being bound to the victim status. So I actually mean a survivor – someone who works on this, deals with it to the best of their ability, and can one day develop some type of normalcy again.

    Liked by 1 person

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