By: A Survivor Not a Victim
July 11, 2016
Last night I was talking with a “friend” who I had previously confided about being raped. We were talking because I was upset; I’m having such a hard time moving on. My life is a mess; I am not myself, and I feel ruined.
As we were talking, she said, “How do you even know for sure that you were raped? How do you know that is the whole story? What he did was wrong, but how do you know for sure that it was rape? You said yourself that you were so drunk, and you woke up to him on top of you and inside you. How do you know that you weren’t blacked out? I don’t think if a person is drunk, that it really can be rape.”
Are you FU*@ING KIDDING ME?!?!?! I told her that regardless of drinking, I told him no that night; I said to him, “I am never going to sleep with you .” What he did WAS rape. I did not give consent earlier in the evening; I did the opposite and was not in a position to give consent, as per the definition of consent. She said that I was drunk and that I should have never gotten in bed with him in the first place. I was completely shocked to be hearing this from her. He was in my bed, in my room. I didn’t know why he was there. I had too much to drink and was tired, and I figured that since I knew I had made it clear that I would never have sex, I had nothing to worry about. I was wearing clothes, it isn’t like I went to bed naked!! I had no idea that he would do that to me. And I couldn’t believe what she was saying. We argued about this for an hour, and it just made me sick. She really thinks that if a person is drunk, they cannot be raped.
I have been a mess all day. I already feel like sh*t and cannot cope with what happened; then I hear this from a supposed “friend” who was “trying to help .” What she is doing is victim blaming, making excuses for rapists, and saying that it is ok to rape drunk people.
I was raped. There is no other explanation, no excuse. It doesn’t matter if I was drunk, rape is rape. If this is what a “friend” thinks of certain types of rape situations, then it gives me no hope regarding what the majority of society thinks…that some rapes are ok while others are not. This is a prime example of rape culture, and it needs to end!
A Survivor Not a Victim 
I am so sorry that happened to you. Rape is rape. ..period!
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At least from polices perspective it’s changed! My case was taken so seriously because they have changed their ideology now that if someone is too drunk to give consent it’s rape! No means no and so does and inability to say yes! It’s sad to think you might be judged by others though! Drugs were found from a hair sample but he couldn’t be charged because it can’t be proved he gave me them…but even without having been drugged the police say it doesn’t matter if I was drugged or just drunk …blackout means you can’t give consent and that rapist has taken advantage and had sex with an unconscious body! I’m just lucky I remember the attack because I KNOW I wasn’t drunk …I blacked out from the drugs he gave me until i woke up to what he was doing….
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