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A Survivor Not a Victim

Overcoming Rape

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No Escape

Being Raped Has Ruined My Life – I Live In A Constant State Of FEAR

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Being raped is on of the worst experiences that a person can live through.  The aftermath of rape is equally as terrible. As if being raped isn’t bad enough,  the trauma from that event, the memories,  the scars….they last forever.

It is bad enough that I am TERRIFIED to leave my house,  or work once I arrive there safely.  This is my everyday reality.images (2)

My roommate left a few days ago,  and he won’t be back till next week.  I am petrified.  To the point where I sleep with a kitchen knife under my pillow.

It is completely unfair. My rapist lives his live unaccountable for his actions, untouched, unharmed, hell, I would not even be surprised if he jerks off to that morning and what he did to me. And I, am cursed to continue to live with flashbacks, nightmares, fear, visions, the inability to concentrate, sleep and eat.

I live every day of my life in fear, to the point where on most day’s, at least once, I become so overwhelmed with fear that I start to shake uncontrollably, and most day’s this happens more than once.

Rape has ruined my life…

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Is It Bad I Would Rather Have Dreams About This?

So I was scrolling through FB, and my lil pups were begging for attention. I happen to stop scrolling and this picture of a beautiful woman holding flowers  posted by “Buckle Up Bitches” was what was visible, the words in the post were “sleep tight”.

As you will will notice there is a delay in what happens to the picture, I must have looked away seconds before it changed to give my two fur-balls some love. When the screen eventually caught my eye….it was mid the part of the picture that had “changed”….horrifying! I mean, number one, you are not expecting it, and number tow, I like terrifying disturbing things (like/don’t like but am drawn to them). The more you watch and analyze it, the more disturbing it becomes! Definitely something to give me or a lot of people nightmares.

That being said, I would rather have this image flash through my head on a daily basis, and have it’s face haunt my dreams every night than what currently does….the face of my rapist.

 

I’m Terrified

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I live in the apartment where I was raped.

He is gone, the locks have been changed,  I have a restraining order,  I should be safe  (inside the apartment at least ).

But when my dog’s bark at night,  which they just about never do, I immediately panic!

I turn on my light,  grab my phone,  get up, and with much anxiety open my door and proceed to turn all the lights in the house on, check the entire apartment;  closets, shower, and empty bedroom.

I feel like I am going insane! Then of course I am way too riled up to sleep.

When is this going to end?

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