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A Survivor Not a Victim

Overcoming Rape

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Me Being Strong And Brave Is Finally Starting To Sink In

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The above quote has always been a favorite of mine since as far back as I can remember. Since being raped, and disclosing that to people, both people I wanted to , and publicly, before I was ready – in an effort to raise money for The Boston Area Rape Crisis Center (of course it was my choice to do so, but I would have much rather preferred not to) , additionally, having to look for a roommate, they all ask why my roommate is gone, and I can’t lie. While with the roommate situation I start by saying that he was images (24)removed by the court, they always ask why, and I can’t and will not lie about that; for two reasons – 1. I don’t lie…..ever, 2. this is going to be an ongoing court dilemma no matter what way you slice it, that I am going to make sure on, so any future roommate will/could potently find out the real reason. I refuse to be made a liar!

That being said, every single person who has been made aware has said (friend, family, acquaintance, friend I don’t talk with much, or stranger) something along the lines of “That is awful, I am so sorry…xyz…” Now, my next statement is not being made to take away from that. I believe that everyone, even (most) strangers are images (22)genuine with what they are saying. That being said, what I realized today, while speaking with a woman from my local senator’s office was….well, she said(something along the lines of), and there was a preface to this, but,” I think that you are so strong and brave for standing up for yourself, advocating, and fighting for
your self, it is very brave of you and I am glad that you are doing that, and you should keep fighting”.

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This was not the fist time that I have been told something like this. I have been told similar remarks from family, friends, BARCC staff and volunteers, as well as other services that I have seeked out to help me. I don’t know why it has taken this long, with so many people telling me the same thing in different ways (and even the same words) to believe it, but I am finally starting to understand.

Every day I research about rape. I know that so many victims do not come for
ward, fight, or even talk about it…and I know exactly why! What makes me different? Maybe I should credit the person who molested me as a child? Or maybe I am strong willed, or maybe….I don’t know? There is so much stigma, pain and anguish attached with reporting and fighting, but at the same time, I can’t bear what comes along with being silent.  I pass no judgement on what other victims choose to do because I am not in their shoes, I am not them. I support a victim and their right to choose the best option for them…PERIOD! And to hell with what anyone else thinks!!! We are not all the same, our coping is not all the same (mine is not good at all right now), and out individual experiences and life in general is not the same. I get it, why people want to stay silent…there are a million and a half reasons. I images (25)personally feel that it is my duty to do something to help to stop rape in it’s tracks the best I can. I don’t know why, I just do.And I plan to be successful with that or at least improving it before my time on this earth is complete.

I am just feeling so grateful for the support from family, friends, acquaintances, strangers, people helping me, followers and readers of my blog, it is all of you who have been driving my strength that I feel like I didn’t have (oh, and I cannot forget, the undying love and affection and extra everything my two dog’s have been giving me since I have been raped…even though that includes their heightened awareness and stress which has lead to more barking than usual….causing me more stress, but I know that they mean well).. If it wasn’t for all of you…equally, I can honestly say that I would not be here today. And for that I am truly
grateful!

 

 

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Story #2 ~ Amelia

#2 Amelia ❤

My father used to come home from work and take a shower. I was 11 years old, watching Hannah Montana on his bed when he came out of the shower and tickled me. He was naked the whole time.

My father was kind of creepy after that, like touching my butt and stuff, so I stayed my distance from him. But, one night, I begged him to buy me some boots that all the other girls in school were getting. I told him I would do anything. He took me into his bedroom and gave me oral sex. I was just 11 years old.

Oral sex happened about 10 times over the next 2 years. He justified it by saying it was how to show me how much he loved me.

My father never had intercourse with me, saying that was something only a husband and a wive did. What a hypocrite! He is no longer in my life.

I’m sorry I can’t say anything positive, but I’m over it and I think that is positive.

Amelia

 

Silver Linings

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While I am not feeling particularly positive or hopeful today,  I  really wanted to write a post that is less dark.  This blog is dedicated to the gruesome facts, feelings, and results of rape and sexual assault,  but that doesn’t mean everything has to be so gloomy. (This post is dedicated to all silver linings,  not just from rape and sexual assault )

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I have sat and pondered for a good portion of the day about silver linings to  being raped to little avail. Then since I am an avid researcher, I researched the topic.  The result. … even less examples than what I could come up with on my own. But I am damn stubborn,  so I wasn’t going to let me stop that from making this post.  Although there are not many examples,  I hope that this will help someone,  anyone,  if it helps just one person,  I will be satisfied.

 

#1. REALIZING THAT YOU DO HAVE PEOPLE WHO CARE ABOUT YOU

Now, for me, I actually knew this already,  but so many don’t.  Whether they suffer from depression to begin with,  or something else,  if you are suicidal,  you feel like you are alone.  I have been suicidal  (not from the rape. ..ok, maybe yes , but there was a  time that I literally planned out how I would kill myself,  researched it to make sure that it would not be a failed attempt ). I didn’t go through with it because of my dog’s,  but I never told anyone then how I was feeling.  I  didn’t think that they wouldimages (9) understand,  I was afraid of their reactions.So, I know that every person is not going to necessarily be supportive,  and to be honest,  some people don’t know what to say,  and need their own time to process what you told them.  But that doesn’t mean they don’t support you.  The more I tell people  (and it’s not easy,  I have had to do it very slowly ), the larger my support system grows. And that doesn’t even mean you “have” to talk to them about whatever happened to you after the first talk you have with them. For me, I still haven’t yet because it is too hard.  But knowing that they are there,  that they are really actually there and care just means so much to me.

 

#2 YOU WILL BE STRONGER FROM THIS EXPEimages (5)RIENCE

Now, personally,  I don’t feel this way currently,  but I have hope that someday it will be true. What I went through, what you went through,  what someone else went through,  every situation is different.  This even goes for all situations , not just rape and sexual assault.  Eventually we will be stronger,  wiser and more capable handling anything life throws at us. If we can get through this,  we CAN get through anything.

 

#3 HELPING OTHERS

I have always considered myself to be a caring and helpful person.  For me personally,  this ordeal has invoked something more in me. The aftermath of such a horrific ordeal has caused me to want to be an advocate.  This is what I intend to do when I am physically and mentally capable.I know bad thidownloadngs happen, or people get into extremely dark places. People either deal with it and recover or don’t recover.  People don’t deal with it and don’t recover or do recover.  Becoming an advocate was never something that I thought I would ever do, but when a person goes through something, something that brings a passion that they have never felt,  I urge you to listen to it.  Just one person really can make all the different to someone going through what you went/are going through.

 

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The Individuals Who Keep Me Going

I am lucky that I actually do have a support system,  even when I feel like I don’t.  It’s my own personal demons in dealing with this horrible situation that make me feel that way.

The truth is, this isn’t easy to talk about with loved ones and with people who care about me. And if the situation were reversed,  I don’t know what I would do except tell the person that I care about them, and that I am and will be there for them in anyway they need me.

Rape doesn’t just affect the victim,  it affects their loved ones and everyone who cares about them. It is just a hard situation all around.

So while I have been slowly telling people close to me one by one,  because it is just too overwhelming to do it all at once, immediately,  it still isn’t easy,  and I still don’t like to talk about it

Everyone so far has been amazing,  and I don’t at all want to take away from that with what I am about to say next.

So while it is important to have a support system,  relying on other people 27/7 is simply unrealistic. It’s just a fact of life.  I know that people might not be available at 3 in the morning when I am having a breakdown,  or a another time on any given day because everyone has things going on in their lives.  This doesn’t mean that they are not there for me, they are,  and I know that they will continue to be.  I  do have realistic expectations.  Additionally,  sometimes I am having a breakdown,  and I don’t want to reach out to anyone because I don’t even know how to express what is going on in my mind.

This all being said,  there are two special lil ones in my life that are, have been,  and will always be there for me 24 hours a day,  7 day’s a week.  My adorable,  sweet,  trouble making chihuahuas.  They know that I am not well.  They have been so sensitive to my needs.  If I didn’t have them, I don’t know where I would be right now.  I am so thankful every day for these two amazing dog’s ( even when they drive me nuts)

They are so full of love and affection.  They really mean everything to me. It’s them combined with the support of family and friends that I will hopefully,  one day, find a sense of normalcy and peace again.

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