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A Survivor Not a Victim

Overcoming Rape

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Hopeless

I’m Not Ok

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On the outside I pretended that I am fine.

But inside. … inside I am dying!

Every day is a struggle.  Every night is a nightmare!

I don’t know how much more I can take

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Tortured Mind

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This tortured mind of mine won’t rest

Anxiety, depression, thoughts of terror possessed

Repulsive memories flash through my mind

In bits and pieces discombobulated and intertwined.

Day’s are dark,  and night grow blacker with each sleep,  leaving me breathless, restless, petrified and fatigued.

With each passing night the nightmares take fight

And every passing day,  the flashbacks come out to play

There is no end in sight to this tournaments ignite

Each breath that I take, and blink that I make I wish for abrogation!

Alas, forlorn my hopes and efforts

As tortured mind, a tortured being, a toured soul, attains no rest

 

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My Biggest Regret

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I am really struggling with recovering from the rape that happened to me.  I  hate how I feel,  I  hate who I am right now.

The facts: 1. I was drunk,  but that doesn’t mean anything.  2. I told this creep earlier before I was too drunk that I would never sleep with him. 3. I woke up and he was on to and inside me.

My biggest regret,  I should have immediately went to the hospital,  period.  I was too scared.  But had I went to the hospital,  evidence could have been collected. My BAC level would have been checked  (I was still drunk at noon the nextday ), and there would have been a higher chance at having the DA actually decided to prosecute my rapist.

Instead,  I am stuck feeling broken,  and having no way to get justice.  This just adds to my terrible feelings,  and inability to function on a  daily basis.

 

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